Thursday, March 4, 2010


where are you?
i see babies everywhere.
im starting to see all these babies that were born after you hit those milestones you never met.
they are turning months you never saw.
i wish you were here.
i have clothes you never grew into,
i have bows you never wore,
i have toys you werent old enough to play with,
i have books we didnt read yet.
life wasnt finished.
it just began.
now its over.
i had 148 of the best days with you.
i kissed you goodnight 148 times.
i woke up in the morning and ran to your side 148 times.
148 sunrises
148 sunsets
i need a million more.
i need you.
kenzie--oh how i need you.

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
you make me happy,
when skies are gray.
you'll never know dear,
how much i love you.
please dont take my sunshine away.
the other night dear,
as i lay sleeping.
i dreamed i held you in my arms.
but when i awoke dear,
i was mistaken,
so i hung my head and cried.

you are my sunshine,

my only sunshine.

you make me happy,

when skies are gray.

you'll never know dear,

how much i love you.

please dont take my sunshine away.


Chels said...

Oh Kendra,

I feel so much of what you feel everytime you write this blog. I wish this had been something I had done when I lost my daughter. I know its hard and believe me its been almost 2 years since I last held my baby girl and there is not a day that goes by I don't wish I could have one more smellof her skin or kiss of her lips. Hang in there Kendra I promise you will find your happiness again. And nothing will ever replace your sweetest angel but it willhelp make your days easier to get through.
In my thoughts much love, Chels

brigette said...

I'm so sorry kendra! This journey totally sucks!! Why us... Why u. I know so much what you are going through and it sucks! I look at kaels pics everyday and hope to god I never forget!! I'm here if u want to talk. Many hugs!! I'm so so sorry!

Andrea said...

Been thinking of you wondering how things are going. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

debbie said...

I just want you to know I am praying for you to feel wrapped in the arms of love and to feel Kenzie with you every day.

The House that James Built said...

not fair. so not fair. i love you kendra. at least you know you were the best mum to her even if it was a short 148 days. many aren't the mum after a lifetime of living that you were while she was here. i don't want to seem buggy but have your auction stuff and a SPECIAL little gift for you that you will love. a little pick-me (U)-up.

love you girl

Alerie said...

Kendra I am so sorry. It really is not fair at all!! I hope that you know that those 148 days of Makenzie's life were the BEST 148 days of her life, because of you and Ryan. She had so much love surrounding her. She knows she had the best parents in the whole world. What a lucky girl!! My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that Makenzie visits you in your dreams!! Much love!!

Anonymous said...

I ordered all the pictures that H.L. took of Makenzie and they just came in the mail today. As I look at them, I too wish I would of had more time with her. I wanted to take her shopping and buy her clothes, barbies, lipstick and all kinds of bling. We wanted to take our grand daughters to Disneyland and help them feed the chipmunks at the cabin. I have cried all evening, thinking that these pictures are all that I have left. But that is not true, I have some wonderful memories and she is forever and always my perfect, beautiful little granddaughter. I want you to know that my love for her grows more every day. She will always be a ray of sunshine in my life. XXXOOO Grandma B

Emma said...

I have read this post so many times since you wrote it, wishing I had something, anything to say that could bring comfort. I realize that nothing any of us says will ease the pain, but I hope you at least feel how many people love you and are sending you strength!!
148 days, not near enough, but you made the most of them. You were the most selfless person, the most amazing Mom and the BEST mom your little girl could have had by her side, standing up for her and knowing what was best. You inspired me then and continue to now with you strength. Even when you don't feel it you show it. You get up each day, you put one foot in front of the other and I know you did it without your little girl, but each step is for her! She is smiling down on the best mom she could have, the most amazing woman and incredible wife...she is proud of you each and are her sunshine as well.
Love and hugs, Em


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