Monday, August 18, 2008

Perfect Weekend

So as the letters keep coming in the memories and images keep popping up out of no where. I had the beautiful Teagan Mae and Devlin Don this last weekend. It was a weekend that was not the same as many other weekends. It was a weekend my mind was on everything but the little things. A spill happened here, I stepped on a really sharp toy there and again for the 10Th time in the last few hours Teagan spit up all over me. Between sippy cups, bottles, changes of clothes, laying on the ground that needs to be vacuumed, a second trip to the store in the same day because I forgot formula my life seemed almost perfect. I don't have children, (other than my husband and dog) yet when I have these 2 perfect little babies I become someone other than the soon to be 21 year old college girl.

Watching Devlin smile, run around, help me water the garden and tell me how much he loves his new backpack we got for school.

Watching Teagan kick, roll, flip that little body in every direction, lighting up the house with her smiles and giggles, holding her own bottle at 3 months.

~~~~ I started to cry. The world stopped this weekend. My Sunday morning was filled with more happiness being with these kids.

*****I wish Ryan was there- its the opening weekend of the hunt and

*****of course he couldn't miss that.

I started to think about the day before when I sat at Ryan's uncles funeral. Watching as the room wept. Life is so short. Days are so short. My life is running by me so fast that I'm starting to wonder if ill catch up. I keep falling behind. I see the beauty in these children and it makes those memories of being 5 come back. I was not a child I was an adult doing and seeing things I shouldn't even know about yet. I don't understand why the thoughts keep coming back so much now at this time in my life. My therapy away from simply being with Ryan is watching the life of my nieces and nephews. The smiles and joy I see from them almost makes everything that happened to that little girl go away, Like it doesn't matter because as long as nothing happens to these kids.

The past is really just filled with confusion. Not anger or hate just the lack of understanding what happened and why. Ill never get answers and especially not a good enough answer for causing so much pain and chaos. I really don't care though- The letters still keep coming and sometimes ill read them and sometimes I wont.

I didn't read the last one. **Instead I had this perfect weekend with the joy I forget exists when I read those letters.

My life is full of Love for Ryan beyond measures. This man who put all the dreams of a "perfect" wife aside to be with me and love me unconditionally! This crazy, full of extra baggage girl. Along the road of my life I have been blessed enough with some of the best people. I hate the fact I don't have contact with all of them anymore. Its sad that when someone touched your life so much, little things get in the way of holding close to them for forever. Of course I don't place blame- Its really probably my fault but to those who have ever been in my life for the positive I thank you. You have all given me my perfect weekend. Seeing the love, joy and beauty in this world is something I hope I can hold on to everyday. Its not all bad and I wish there was a little less of those bad times- however someone like me needs those bad times otherwise I wouldn't have had that perfect weekend to fully realize all the good.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

our new house in our old house

Since the market is so horrible right now we have decided not to move! We had an offer but it was so much under what we are asking I couldn't help but laugh. The other townhouses around us are having the same problem. When we thought we would move it was to mainly save on gas and be closer to work and school. Our plan was to get a cute house to get ourselves settled for only about 3-4 years until I graduate and then we would see where our careers and lives took us from there. Just like everything else in the world plans change. We are staying in our adorable townhouse in our amazing neighborhood. I am actually very excited because we have such a fun area that is so peaceful. Its right on the mountain with great views! It may be a little far for us but its not that bad. We now know every side street in Davis county so we can navigate around town when there is traffic. People are starting to warm up to us and our dog and we have actually made some friends! Since we are staying we decided to make our place just how we want it because it can def. use some an update. We saved some money to put improvements on our new house but since we are not moving its the perfect opportunity to give our place a face lift.
First- WINDOWS! We got them installed about a month ago and I love them. They are the highest quality and actually are tinted so its great when the sun is coming up in our bedroom and we don't get cooked out.
Second- PAINT! We have officially lost the horrible paint job by the last residents- They really didn't know how to match colors.

Third- NEW FURNITURE! Couch, Entertainment center, Kitchen table and the latest as of last night- NEW WASHER AND DRYER!
Fourth- Kitchen! We are in the process of a total revamp! Its going to look great with new counter tops.
Fifth- CARPET! We already tiled the kitchen and baths so now its time for new carpet or hardwood floors. We have not decided yet. We went to look at prices yesterday and we narrowed down the different styles and colors we like.
Sixth- MANS ROOM! My adorable hubby has some interesting yet not fashionable animals that his dad, grandpa and he killed. For example coyote, mountain lion, bobcat and of course deer. He is very proud of them and I really wanted him to have them somewhere in the house. As of right now we have an extra family room in the basement and everything is down there but there isn't much else other than a poker table, love sac, couch mini fridge and the animals! So Ryan is making a Bar with a built in fridge (He really can make everything) We are getting a TV and surround sound and its going to be his "MAN ROOM"
We have some other little things here and there that we are doing like new lights in every room, knobs, faucets, toilets, etc. We are very excited to get this going. We are half way through right now and are taking things slow since it is a big project and we are being smart about where the moneys being spent :) I cant wait till its all done- We have at least 3-4 more years here and it leaves us with plenty of growing space (Just in case)

Monday, August 4, 2008

Life with and without kids!

I love kids. I really cant wait until we start our family but having kids stay with you for a while really puts things in perspective as to how much you need to grow and be prepared for when you have children of your own. They don't ever go home :)
I cant complain, Devlin and Teagan are great kids but they are kids and much time, money and energy is put into them every minute they are with us. We are always trying to exercise their minds and imagination. We have so many activities and adventures we try to do with them so they can experience the world! Growing up with 9 other siblings. It was impossible for my parents to give us the same opportunity. I remember my sisters and brothers really reaching out to Jonathan and I. We were so lucky to have them in our life. Visits to the Lake, food world, penny wise, sleepovers, lunch dates, Halloween, spilling water, hedgehogs, dogs, hook and ladder, snakes and the red rocks. I couldn't have survived without them. No matter how much we love our nieces and nephews when they go home just for a short while we sigh a little with relief- then about 10 min later we start missing them like crazy again :)
Well after this weekend Ryan and I decided we needed to go out. Its not often we go out just the 2 of us for a "Date" I miss our dress up dates where we would eat at nice places, watch movies, walk around and not care what time it is. Responsibility seems to grow with age! Ah so not fair. I think we should all stay children for forever. Its great we surround ourselves with family and friends to do keep us grounded and help us realize we really are young and its time to have all the fun we can! Trips, Dates, Party's and Newlyweds is where we are. How lucky am I!

Heber Days

It was Heber days and we had Teagan and Devlin so we headed up to have some fair fun! I have said before that my sweet hubby really wants to move to a small town. I am not a small town person. I would love to live were I am in Fruit Heights and have land but I need to be close to not only family but shopping centers and entertainment. I don't have a very big imagination. Heber sure is growing but its still not a very big city. My family used to live here and we joke about how some of the people act when we go back. NOT everyone is like this but a few people we ran into were what some would categorize as small town "folk" Talking loudly about a person standing right next to them! There is no sense of time so everyone drives 15 MPH, walks like they are lost and serves you business like you have all the time in the world to wait. Maybe I need to put the breaks on and live in a small town and learn to slow things down. I live everyday with a lead foot. Faster, Now and not enough time is how my days are spent :)
We had fun at the fair though. Other than bad food and over priced rides it turned out great. Devlin and Olivia got their faces painted- Devlin was a rainbow tiger and Olivia was a rainbow zebra. They sure look really cute!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Lucy Lu

I am very late in posting this but my sister Alana had her 4th little baby last week! Lucy Jean Harkness! This girl was born with a head of bleach blonde hair like you haven't seen and already chubby legs that have rolls. She is so adorable and looks exactly like her older sisters and brother. We went over to visit them again last night and I am so in love with all those kids.


We went to the REAL game earlier this week with my sister Kristianne and Olivia. It was a great game and they won!

Ms Livis with the popcorn hat!

Kristianne and Olivia


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