Wednesday, November 9, 2011


I hate hearing about bullies. I hate hearing about someone being rude or hurtful to someone else. I hate hearing about someone kicking someone when they are down.  I don't understand it.  Who are you? Who are you to judge someone? This is something that never ends.  From the time you are a child all the way through your adulthood. 
Why do people do this?
Why do you feel you can act this way?
Why would you want to hurt someone?
No one is perfect. We all have flaws and imperfections. We all make mistakes. We all have something a little off or silly about us.  We might not be the prettiest on the outside. Maybe we talk funny. Maybe we are a little more unique than you. 
So what!
Why do you stare?
Why do you whisper?
Why do you have to give your inappropriate opinion?
Why do you feel you know anymore about anything than me?
I don't care what religion you are. I don't care what God you do or do not believe in. I don't care what your morals are. I don't care what you have been through in life. I don't care who you know.

We are all walking this journey. 
We all started the same way. We all came from the same place.
What life has given us is what makes us who we are. It makes us different. Yes... Different than you. So what. Does that make you better than me? Hell No.  
God doesn't love you more than me. He doesn't think you are any better than me. No matter what we do with our lives.  You are no better than me. 
I understand you believe something different. I don't judge you.  I listen to you and than I pray for you.  I pray you don't ever talk to someone else like that. I pray someone else doesn't have to be effected by your actions.  You don't get it.

I am 5. 
I am 30.
I am 75.
I am the same. I am me. I live and I learn. What I have been through. You have no idea. The pain I have seen. The pain I have felt. The pain I have bled.  Who I am today is because of where I have been. You have not walked in my shoes. So please don't tell me how to live, what to believe, what I do wrong.
Look at yourself. 

Who I love--- It doesn't effect you.
I love a man.
I love a women.
I am straight.
I am gay.
Who I love is who I love.  You don't need to tell me what is right or wrong about that. I am right. Your words are only acid. What is your goal with what you say? To change me? What gives you the right to change me? You don't know me. You don't know my heart. 
Live your life and I will live mine. 

You chased me home from school.
You hit me.
You threw my books down.
You laughed when I walked by.
You pushed me.
You ignored me.
You talked behind my back.
You helped kill me.

Before you say another word. Before you think another thought. Before you make another assumption. Look at yourself. Are you perfect? Have you ever done something someone else would disagree with?
Keep your disgusting words to yourself.
You have no idea how they hurt. You have no idea what they do to another person. You have no idea how long that stays with someone.  Think what you want. But keep those thoughts to yourself. 

I have cut.
I have starved myself.
I have hit myself.
I have said horrible things to myself.
I have cried.
I have prayed.
I have wish I was dead.
I have tried to die.
I killed myself.
I did these things to myself but you didn't help. You didn't smile at me. You didn't ask how my day was. You didn't give me a chance. We were different so you turned your back.  You felt you needed to put me in my place. You felt I needed to be told I was ugly. You felt I needed to know what I believe was wrong. You felt I needed to feel low. 
What do you think God thinks of me?
What do you think God thinks of you?

Remember when you pushed me on the playground and called me names...
I went home to an abusive father who molested me every night.
Remember when you whispered about what I was wearing in the hall at school...
I was living at the homeless shelter because my single Mom couldn't keep up with the bills even with 2 full time jobs.
Remember when you laughed at how I talk...
It was because I was born with a birth defect that I have been in therapy my whole life to fix.
Remember when you talked to your friends about how fat and disgusting I was and that "I should skip a few meals."
I was home alone doing the only thing that made me feel better which was to eat because my husband cheats on me.

Stop thinking you know anything about me. You don't know anything. You don't know what is going on at home. You don't know the daily struggles I have to deal with. You don't know who I am.
I am asking all of you to remember this. Whenever you think someone should be a certain way or believe a certain thing. You really don't get it.  Instead of looking at what is wrong with someone--- look at what is right with them. No matter who they are or what they have done. There is something if not a million things RIGHT about them. I pray if you have kids you teach them this same thing.  You can never start to soon to be NICE to someone. To be friends with someone who needs a friend. To smile at everyone. 

Just because we don't live the same way. Or believe the same thing. Or act the same way...
Doesn't mean I don't love with all my heart and do everything I can to be a better person.
I don't need you to tell me how to live or what is right or wrong.

Use your energy for good. 
Use your thoughts for positive ones.
Use your talent to help others.

Stop with the hate.
Stop with the hurt.
Stop pretending you are in any position to judge someone else.

I am THANKFUL for my MAKENZIE who is the biggest change in my life. She has opened my eyes more than anything has or ever could.  She is who I think of when I think of good.  What happened to us when she got sick has been my reality check to judge less.  I have said it a hundred times but over the last 2 years... Everything we said we would never do-- we have done.  Everything we thought-- changed.  I had no idea what life was about. I had no idea what pain was. I had no idea how important and beautiful every life is.  
Until my daughter lived. 
I thank my daughter everyday for showing me this. 
No one has the right to judge, cause hurt or belittle anyone.


Anonymous said...

I am totally with you, Kendra. Everyone is fighting a tough battle and no one else is in the position to judge any choices that others make. You see what they have done, but that doesn't mean you know their story. I went through very painful judgement not very long ago from people I thought were my friends, and I totally understand why you wrote this post. Thank you for posting, and I hope you don't mind if I blog a link to it on my blog. Praying for you and your little family. <3

brigette said...

Oh Kendra how true this is. What a powerful message and post. Thank you for the reminder! Love you girl!

Presley & Charlotte Gleason said...

This is so true!!! I love this post, but hate to think of children, teenagers, adults anyone hurting soooo much, then being kicked while they are down..all for nothing because the person doing the kicking thinks "they are justified or in the right". Its never right to bully. Never okay to judge. Never, ever. I hope to teach my daughters that by example. I realize I am not perfect at it, but I will do my best to teach them that everyone is a child of God. And so are they. I want them to be confident through everything they do and to know that if people judge them it has no value. How could I teach them that confidence if I am on the other end judging someone else for something else? Thank you for this post and reminder to be aware of even little judgements and criticisms that are just not appropriate or ever okay. You have such a good heart!

Glenda said...

Beautiful post!

Alerie said...

I loved this....thanks for posting!! It is so true!!

Amy said...

This made me cry. When I first announced I was pregnant we did not know it was with twins. I started showing immediately and was in maternity clothes by 6 weeks. A group of girls I thought were my friends spread a rumor about me on facebook that I wasn't pregnant, I was just really fat.

They did apologize when they were caught, AND they apologized again when they found out it was twins, but that doesn't make it all go away.

Then last week another group of women I thought was my friends started openly talking about me on facebook because my BEST FRIEND told me first she was pregnant before them (even though she really told her family first) and they started talking about how I have to steal the spotlight from everyone and how sick and tired they are of hearing about my twin pregnancy. Something I talk about ONLY on my private facbeook and blog and message board I run. NOT all over the internet, and not where they were saying I talked about it.

These were grown women with children, and yet when you read what I just wrote you probably imagined 15 year old girls.

I watched a movie last night, Cyberbully on Netflix from ABC Family. It was a good insight into why people act like that. When they can't see the impact of their words, when they don't even think they are doing anything wrong, it makes it all too easy to reach out and attack someone online.

It's a sad scary thought that the next generation is going to grow up in a world where everything is online.

Amy said...

I want to add I have linked this blog post from my blog.

Lea and her Mustangs said...

Amen sista - you go girl. You hit the nail on the head.

the Sorensen's said...

Kendra, I am so thankful for this post! I'm dealing with a bully right now that likes to make fun of my son. I dealt with bullies my whole life! Thank you so much for posting this! I hope you don't mind that I'm going to post it on my blog too!

Robin said...

This is a great post! It is so sad how people are treated. Your little girl has helped not only you, but others as well. I can promise you, Makenzie is proud of her Mama!

Anonymous said...

You are a talented and very real writer. You have a way with words. And a heart that is so big!!!!! Thank you for the reminder that lovIng people is our highest calling. Period. Much love to you.

Berry Taufer said...

This is beautifully written! I want to go read it to my sons school!! He is bullied or flat out ignored on a daily basis & as a mom it KILLS me! :( I know that schools are working on the no bullying projects, but I haven't seen great improvement unless there is a teacher right there 24/7! & like you said, even full grown adults are guilty of bullying, how can we teach children, probably their children, not to?!
Okay, done w/ my rant! Love you & your beautiful family! I still need to order my cook books!!

Anonymous said...

I am thankful for you and your blog. I lost my brother Friday. The pain is so immense. I'm sick. I blogged about it yesterday but wanted to keep it private. After a few hours I shared it instead. I'm so glad I did because the support is comforting. I would have never done that if i hadn't followed your courageous blog. Be proud of yourself. I can't wait to hear when that baby gets here. A stranger named Jillian.


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