Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Sooner than we thought

*Warning... Since I am going to be really specific in documenting this little journey I will warn you It
might not always be G rated. Sorry. But this is more for me to remember this process.*

Since I had Makenzie I have yet to get on a regular monthly cycle. I am never "on-time"
Whether I am early or late by a couple days or even a week or 2.  Its rather annoying to me but there doesn't seem to be anything wrong so I just have to deal.  HOWEVER... Being kind of random like this leaves us hanging on the edge for when it will or will not start.  Like now.  When I am wanting to know because once I start I will only have 9 days to wait until I can start testing my LH surge and once I get that positive result that my LH surge is at its peak... Its baby implanting time!  Well I didn't think I would be starting for another week.  I haven't ordered our vials yet because I haven't had the chance to run up to the University to sign the papers for them to store them.  Of course last night I started!
I guess that explains my moodiness :)
So today I have woken early. I am getting ready for work then I will be off to get those dang papers signed so I can order my vials tonight or tomorrow.  I am hoping I have enough time to get implanted this cycle.
I am not saying I will get pregnant but I am sure hoping and praying. 
Ryan is more anxious and excited.  I am excited and very nervous. 
We have decided on our perfect donor and its the one Ryan liked better.
-- seriously I am telling you he always knows the answers before me. I need to just stop fighting it and admit he us usually right about that kind of stuff ---

... So when you pick a donor they are anonymous and don't have names or pictures listed but they do have celebrity look alikes listed instead.  That has been rather fun. I know this is a serious matter and we are being very serious about the whole thing but we still have to laugh. So we will.  We have made several jokes and have tried really hard to find our celebrity crush look alikes. 
Ryan found his. and guess what... It was our #1 match to him!
I did the search like 15 times because I didn't believe it.  That's right our donor (aka: Collin Farrell look alike) matches Ryan's description 79%. Personally I don't think Ryan looks like Collin Farrell but its more hair color, eye color, skin color, ethnicity, weight, interests that are factored into the matching process... So he is our match. And it just so happens if Ryan was a girl he would have picked Collin.
My celeb crush is Bradly Cooper.  There was no Bradly Cooper look alikes :(
That's okay I guess since we are really looking for Ryan's look alike and not my fantasy.

So there you have it.
Day 1 yesterday...
Day 2 today...
We only have 7 days to get these vials here!

I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned for hours. I turned the TV on. Turned music on. Nothing helped. I kept praying. That's usually why I cant fall asleep because I cant stop praying.  I tried to stop but my mind kept asking God to please help all of this work out. To please help other families who are going through this same thing have their own baby.  To help anyone who wants a child have one.  Its such an incredible feeling to know its the right time. To know you are trying to create this life. To see how much you love this little thing before its even existed.  I know fertility problems are so common.  So many people are faced with so many of the same decisions Ryan and I have been faced with. Maybe for different reasons but big, huge, important reasons all the same.  And many don't have all the options Ryan and I have been blessed to have.  I am realizing this.  That we are lucky.  I am starting to get over my temper tantrum of not understanding why we couldn't just get pregnant on our own and have a healthy child.  It could be worse. We could have less options.  No matter what, I need to thank God because this life is my life. It has been made for me.

With our future child I hope they can see one day how much they are wanted.  That we would do anything to have them.  This child is mine and Ryan's 100%.  The only difference is we couldn't get them here healthy so we needed a little extra help.  That's all that this is.  Help to get our child here. I am thankful for this opportunity. I am thankful for our donor.  I am thankful for everyone who has been praying for us.

So even if I had a long night of not sleeping. I hope God heard some of my prayers and will help another family out there get an opportunity.  Get a chance.  Have a window open after all the doors that have been shut.  And I pray it works.  For them. For us.
To be blessed with the greatest gift we could ever receive.


MLE HUNTER said...

I can see the Colin Ferrell resemblance for sure! I am so excited for the both of you to start this experience and that God has opened the doors to more options.

Rosalie said...

Well that certainly is good news! You are all in our prayers! Good luck!

Toni ~ Mom to 8 heavenly Angels and 1 earthly Angel. said...

WOOT for AF, and I'm sending you all the sticky vibes I can find, I sure hope this is the month. And I am sure that your next child will know "someday" how much they where wanted, prayed for, and loved before they were ever conceived. I hope and pray that someday my princess understands who much of a sacrifice it was to get her here. I how ever think they will not really and truly understand until they themselves are parents. ((Hugs)) and get those papers signed.

Anonymous said...

So happy and excited for you two!! I will definitely be praying for you so that all this goes swimmingly. I love reading everything you post, so don't hold anything back that you don't want to hold back. Good luck this week!!!!

Katie said...

You are so positive and inspiring, I love it! Good luck :) I loved loved loved when you said "This child is mine and Ryan's 100%.  The only difference is we couldn't get them here healthy so we needed a little extra help.  That's all that this is." That is so true!

Kellie Staats said...


So, happy for yall!!

Robin said...

God has heard all you have said and asked for. He is always with you. I am praying for you guys. This is such a great thing for you both! I love that in the midst of a time where you guys have important decisions to make and are going down an unfamiliar road, you still have fun and laugh. You 2 will make it, because of your love for each other. It shows in your writings. Thanks for letting us come on your journey with you! God bless and good luck!

Ashley said...

That's great news, so excited for you and your family!

Esther said...

Wow! I'll be praying for you guys! I hope it's a smooth, and wonderful journey for you!!

The Hickman Family said...

I'm so excited for you guys, I can hardly stand it! I can't wait to hear that news!! Yayyyyy!!! Oh & I do see the Collin Farrell look alike thing. Also, not sure what your take is, but I am taking vitex which is just the herb chasteberry & its supposed to help regulate cycles & increase fertility naturally. I've been very irregular since having Grant & we are working on baby number two too so I'm trying to do everything I can. Anyway, google it & see what you think. It might help you know exactly when to do your vials. Also, I've been doing & it really helps keep track of temp & everything else to pinpoint ovulation. Good luck with it all! Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way!!

Molly said...

The clear blue ovulation test that gives you a smiley face if you have a positive Lh surge are the best! At least for me I like the smiley instead of trying to guess if the two lines are the same color. ( you can find them at target or bartell drugs) I'm so excited for you two to be starting this journey!

Chantel said...

As someone who struggled with infertility for years, I know how nerve racking this whole process can be. Good Luck!!! I liked the saliva based ovulation tests better they are more expensive initially but saved me money in the long run as I was using them for years and years and the salivia one is reusable. Hopefully you won't need them for more than a cycle or two!!!

Anonymous said...

Total stranger here, but I have to say I am cheering you & your husband on day after day! I wish the best for you & it makes me smile to know you have chosen the road you have chosen to expand your family. I have shared your story with my husband & have told him over & over again how I wish I could do something to help you out to get you a baby. I know I will be purchasing a cookbook when the time comes & will pass the info on to my friends & family, so they can do the same :) Best of luck to you!

Tracy said...

Kendra, you never cease to amaze me! You two are incredible! I'll definitely be saying some extra prayers for you two tonight!! I am so excited for you guys!!

brigette said...

super excited and praying!!!! Good luck you 2!!

AJ and Cindy said...

yay! I am so happy things are moving along for you! :) I have used ovulation strips for a long time, too and I like clear blue easy, I sometimes bought the store brand but found that their results are harder to read...just a little tip! Are you doing artificial insemination? That is how we got pregnant with our first and now our second. with L we got pregnant on the first insemination, this time it was the third...not bad! If that is the route you are going, I can relate on that level, let me know if you want to chat!


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