Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The next step

We are starting the process to expand our family.
I cant believe we are doing this.
Its feels so right.
Since we have a 1 in 4 chance of having any other child have the horrible disease SMARD we have come to know its not a possibility to just -get pregnant- 
The chances are too great and this disease is too horrible.  We don't believe that is the way God wants us to have other children.  We believe he has another plan and there is someone out there waiting for us. 
I know this is not going to be a easy, simple or a quick process.  This is going to take much time, money, effort, patience and determination.  We are ready.  We are ready to find Makenzies little brother or sister.
Our first initial meeting/evaluation will be this coming Monday.  Wish us luck. We are so anxious and honestly cant wait.  After Makenzie passed away I didn't have a single ounce of desire to have another child.  I thought maybe in 5 years- after school- we would think about expanding our family. 
Not now. Not anytime soon.
Would you believe it wasn't even me who had the first impression we should try sooner?
Would you believe it was Ryan?
Its true.
It was around Christmas this last year that Ryan came to me and said... We are not suppose to wait. We are suppose to start trying. Trying to expand our family now.  It took a few weeks for me to warm up to the idea. It scared me. I couldn't even breath thinking of having another child. Someone else in Makenzies room was not an option.  I told Ryan they wouldn't sleep in her bed, wear her clothes or even go in her room.  He soon convinced me that was rather irrational.  What would we put the new baby in the basement? Sounded good to me.  They were not nor would they ever be Makenzie.. so, sorry! Over time and after some of the recent things that have happened I realized the next child to come into our lives would be just as loved, just as wanted and just as important as Makenzie.  We would love them just as much and in such a different way. Such a beautiful new way. We have been through a completely different life since Makenzie came into our lives.  If/When we are lucky enough to have another child bless our lives- they will be Makenzies sibling and they would be meant for us just like Makenzie.  Silly it took me so long to realize this.  We have prayed. Prayed so very hard. We know this is what we need to do.  We know there is someone out there that needs us.  I cant wait to love them. 
Ryan and I will be different parents to this child.
How could we not.  We have learned to love in a whole new way.  We have learned how precious every single moment is.  We have learned what being a parent really means. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure the stress, overwhelming, lazy, frustrated days will come but I also know those 'never take a moment for granted' will come even more. Because we know. We know what it means to lose it all. 

I am so lucky to have Ryan as my partner. The one who will be walking this road with me.
He has taught me so much about myself, about love, about life and about our future.
We are a team. We are doing this together.

This is a little off topic but want to see something kinda freaky?
Harley loves hanging her head out the window... I mean who doesn't!
Well we were driving on the freeway the other day and check this out. HA! Look at her eyes. Her mouth. Everything was flying away! We couldn't stop laughing.

We decided it was time to head up to this girl and talk about all our new adventures.
We cleaned up the stone. Its been looking rather grungy.  WD40 is amazing. 
We told Makenzie all about how she is going to be a big sister someday. We brought her books and even a blanket talking about what it means to be a big sister :)
Okay maybe we went a little over board. She already knows after all. She already knows who will be coming into our home for heaven sakes.
I hope she is excited.
We assured her- no matter who, when or where this next child comes from- they will never ever replace her. They will always know of their big sister and they will just add to this family. I don't ever want anyone to ever think they are replacing her.  Since Makenzie passed away we get those comments. There is never "just have another child". There is nothing that will take away the missing link in our family. That link is and forever will be Makenzie. She will forever be missed, loved and counted.

Harley agrees!

From here on out Ill keep you posted. 
I'm anxious to see our next steps. What we need to do. How this all works and what will be our plan.
I'm sure this will be a long journey but I just pray God hears us and knows our hearts.
I cant say enough--- I cant wait to love another child. We cant wait to be a Mom and Dad again.


The Mac's House said...

Oh sitting here reading this with tears of joy for you two & Harley too! I know in my heart Makenzie would want you to have a little brother or sister to love upon. I bet she is just jumping up and down in heaven rejoicing at this news!

Looking forward to reading of your journey.


Preston and Keri said...

I'm so happy for you! Being adopted myself and having several close friends adopt or still waiting to adopt, I know it is a process! But, it is a beautiful journey and worth every moment of it!
I'll pray that your baby finds you soon!
Good luck with everything!

Emma said...

I am SO excited for you!!! I sat and read this through tears. I knew you would both come to a decision about how you were to be parents again when you were ready and I know the timing is this way for a reason. I believe God and Kenzie have already chosen your sweet baby for you, that she has a hand in knowning who will be right for you family and I have no doubt she is SO excited for you as well!!

Kendra and Ryan, you have so much love for Kenzie and that will never change. She has made you the incredible people you are and the incredible parents you are and I know she will feel so blessed to see you holding another baby in your arms. Noone could, or would, ever take her place. She made you parents, she showed you what true love is really about and I know she will be there cheering you on through this whole process. I also know your new addition, whoever they may be, whenever they join your family, will be so blessed to have you both and to grow up knowing what an incredible sister they have guiding them, watching them and being their most incredible Guardian Angel!!
Love and hugs, Em

Kami Satterlee said...

So so excited and happy!~ I wasn't quit sure what you decided to do, maybe I missed it. Adopt? Whatever you choose will be simply amazing.

OCGal said...

So happy to hear this Kendra! Makenzie will send you the perfect baby sister or brother for your family. So excited to hear your next steps and for you to get to continue to be the awesome mommy to the new addition that you have been to Makenzie. I admire you so much.

Chanse and Janell said...

I am so happy for the both of you!!
I hope all is going well.

Merianne said...

I have been following your blog for a while now and my heart aches for you and the pain you have endured..I am soo happy for you... You are an amazing mom and you have soo much love to share with a baby who has been waiting for a mom like you!!! Good Luck Sweetie!!

Robin said...

I'm so happy for you guys! This is going to be great! You two are such awesome, loving parents, and any child would be so lucky to be yours! I know God has something so special planned for you guys! Best of luck in your new journey! God bless!

Shawna said...

I am so excited to hear this and so excited for you and Ryan! I have been praying since I first heard your story a year ago that Ryan and you would again get to be parents in whatever way God wanted you to take that journey and that God would guide you so that you felt right about the decision when the time came. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you and what little one or little ones he blesses your life with! Prayers of praise for your knowing the next step and prayers of further guidance and support for your future decisions and little one. I love you Kendra and am so happy for you!

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers, I am so excited for you and I hope this process goes smoothly for you guys. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mom!

crystal said...

I am so excited for you guys!!! I will be praying for you as you start this new journey in your life. You and Ryan are great parents and I know that the new little one will be blessed to call you mom and dad. Look at all the love that you have for Makenzie and all the fun things you do with your nieces and nephews. Hope the process is faster than you expect!!! Sending (((HUGS))) your way:)

Kellie Staats said...

You deserve this!!!! I pray that this journey is easy on you.

Anonymous said...

Good luck.. Everything will work out one way or another.. I'm soooo happy for your guys.
Today I received this e-mail and after ready you post I thought about you....

"Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her
students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, 'I know all about adoption, I was adopted..'

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'

I'm sure all of us the follwo you will fall in love with your baby as well. Please do keep us updated..

bibc said...

sending love and hope for a little brother or sister for your very special MRW.
good luck with the meeting, i hope you continue to share as im sure we will be on the road to adoption/foster etc. sooner than later.

♥ Stephan & Michelle & Ashlyn ♥ said...


Stephan and I were reading this together! We are both so happy for you guys! I love how you put this, that Makenzie is not being replace, and how she will be a big sister! That is exact what will happen!! And just like you said Makenzie knows it will, and I think she is helping with the plans, and she is excited! I cant wait to hear the exciting news when it happens for you guys! Congrats to this amazing journey! You guys are the best parents and are gonna make another child so happy! You both deserves this!! Were gonna keep you in our prayers like always! And crossed our figures for you guys! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, Kendra. I'm just another one of those readers of your blog that you don't know. Your blog is very raw and emotional, and it has helped me a lot not to take for granted the little moments. I only have one baby girl, and she is not quite born yet lol, but I already love her so much and every kick I get on my bladder I treasure, and I have to say it is because of your blog.
It is so awesome that you are getting ready to continue your family. Makenzie is so happy in Heaven knowing that all her brothers and sisters around her will have a body and that you will be their mother. She is proud of how far you've come, and so is Heavenly Father. Much love and blessings for you and your Ryan. I will continue to pray for your family.

Alesha said...

How happy for you to be in that place! I constantly think about when and how we will add to our family. I am sure it is nice to have a direction with the "how" part. Good luck! Thanks for letting me read your blog. I love seeing how you have dealt with everything, it really gives me strength! :)

Jackie Koll said...

It warmed my heart to read this post today. I've been praying that God would guide you to the right thing for your family. What a blessed child that will be that gets to fill your arms again.

Anonymous said...

SO SO happy for you! BEST OF LUCK

Anonymous said...

I can't wait tooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am excited too for you. Love you both, (all 4 of you) so much. Can't wait too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love Mom

Melissa Baker Photography said...

Another unknown reader of your blog.I wish you & Ryan the best on this new road,I cried of happiness for you guys,you deserve to be parents,you are a great mom you deserve to have a big family,I hope this happens sooner than later,Kenzie is gonna be a big sis yayyy!!! XOXO

RJamie said...

Another unknown reader here. I started reading your blog a few months after we adopted our darling baby boy who is now almost a year and a half old. Adoption is incredible and every step of it is a miracle. You will one day look back at the steps you took to grow your family and be amazed at how it all came to be. I love adoption and even though you don't know me, I would be happy to offer any help or support I can. My email address is rjamie05@gmail.com if you ever have questions or anything please email me. Good luck I know you will be watched over in many ways during your journey.

sarah.richman said...

I cant wait to hear more about this soon to be new addition to your BEAUTIFUL family. There is no other couple more deserving than the both of you to have that opportunity. So Good luck...
Sarah Richman

Kelly Jo said...

:) I'm so excited for you guys. I am one of those blog readers that loves your story. You are amazing in every way. We have adopted a little boy, so you 2 are in for an incredible journey. Best of luck!!!

Anonymous said...

A few entries ago I told you that you could do it Kendra... and IT.. was THIS. This is exactly what I meant. It was put on my heart, but I didn't want to say it without you saying it.

You are already a great mother, Ryan a great father and you WILL have another child (or more!) to share all that with.

However that child comes into your family...it will be the right timing and you CAN do it! I am so excited for you guys and Kenzie too... how excited she must be to be a big sister soon!! Thats so much fun. I'm sure she is overjoyed and cant wait for you to meet her sibling!!

I cant wait either. Praying for your family... as it grows!!

Anonymous said...

My mom was adopted. I have always been greatful for adoption because it have me the best grandparents in the world. One day you will have a grandchild that feels the same way and they will know all about their Aunt Kenzie who is waiting for everyone in heaven. Best of luck.

Debbie said...

I don't know you, but I came across you blog and my heart went out to you and your husband. I pray you will receive news soon that you will be receiving a little bundle of joy. My prayers are with you both.


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