Tuesday, December 14, 2010

December 12

This was a Kenzie Day that I never really thought of. I kept it in the back of my head. Thinking it might just not ever come. Maybe there would be some miracle that would make it so I wouldn't have to see that 1 year mark. Why was 1 year such a scary thought?
I still am not quite sure. Maybe because a year seems so final- so ending. A close to something.

It wasn't until the beginning of this month where I really thought what we would do.
I am still not sure what happened but it seemed like over night that I woke up and couldn't shake this feeling that December 13th was so not about my last day with her. It was not about the end. It was not about the death.

December 13th in our house was a day of an amazing life. A new beginning. Our incredible little girl was brought back home. She was escorted by angels back to her Heavenly Father. She was given back the freedom she lost here on earth. December 13th doesn't mean an ending- it means a whole new beginning...
And with that- I wasn't going to let that day be a sad- stay in bed- cry until my eyes fall out- kind of day.

Over the past year one of my biggest fears has been thinking that the world will be forgetting or never knowing who Makenzie is.
The impact she made on my life isn't going to be that big for most.
Admitting to myself that her story has a beginning and an end. I can tell her story to the world but there will be no more chapters. She came, here she returned home.
As I thought of this fear I had for my baby, I couldn't help but think about other little ones who have returned home. I have thought about their Mothers. I have wondered if they have the same fear as me.
As I thought of what to do for this mark I knew I needed to include those other angels.
So - I wrote a list...
And we made sure everyone of those other angels that we "knew" would know they are not forgotten.

At 4:00 on December 12 we released 148 balloons to celebrate 148 of the most amazing days.
148 days that change my life.
148 days that changed the world.
and on those 148 balloons, we wrote the name of an angel child.

Then we kissed Them
Prayed for ALL of those names
and sent them off to heaven.

Hailey Elizabeth
Kaden Addington
Stephen Eric
Paige Elizabeth
Rylee Ann
Charlotte Grace
Noah Callan
Daxton Matthew
Kris Matthew
Dax Royce
Avery Ann
Jake Alan
Jack Alexander
Cosette Rae
Lincoln David
Caleb Elijah
Jackson Burton
Evan Coburn
Gavin Charles
Evan Chandler
Gavin Jeffrey
Kamberlie Ann
Craig Eli
Beatrice Ann
Mason Curtis
Holly Elizabeth
Scott Lincoln
Camille Kathleen
Emma Grace
Daxton Douglas
Kolby Jayden
Sidney Lee
Lucia Isabella
Myles Sherman
Morgen Bennett
Joy Elise
Esther Joann
Trinity Melinda
Bridget Lucille
Hannah Kate
Tanner D.
Cameron J.
Jacob Ephraim
Ella Paige
James Joseph
Isabelle Paige
Jada Adelle
Brigham Var Selle
Caydin Matthew
Paris Lavone
Evan Walter
Karleigh Ann
Mia Nicole
Ethan Snow
Dominic Angelo
Makenzie Rye
Preslee Jo
Kael David
Landry Gale
Landon & Luke
Ryker Michael
+ about 15 other names on a list that is currently MIA (so sorry)

To all of you little ones - You will NEVER be forgotten.
Now all of you,
go run - laugh - dance - play - and breathe in paradise.


Ana Oh said...

This is amazing. Simply beautiful.

Kelsi and Traci said...

Wow you are so amazing! Kendra you are such a strong MOM you have and are doing super amazing things! Lots of Love.
Kelsi and Traci

brigette said...

Thank you so much for remebering kael. That to is my biggest fear that hell be forgotten. It means the world to mean you did that. I love you kendra!! Thanks a million!!

The Johnson Crew said...


Thanks for Landry's balloon. I didn't expect it and as I scrolled down and saw his name tears started running. That was so thoughful! Thanks!!


Shawna said...

How wonderful Kendra. You are incredible. I'm so glad you were able to spend Kenzie Day in a way that was full of love and that you were able to remember that that day was not the end. I prayed so much that you would have peace December 12th & 13th and that you would be filled with love. I'm so happy that you had that and that you were so thoughtful to include others in your remembering day as well.

Emma said...

Again, crying. The thoughtfulness and selflessness you possess never cease to amaze me. The families you have touched with those balloons is awesome, and I hope people know that these Angels will never be forgotten. They have touched lives you don't even know they have, they make us live better, love more and appreciate each and every breath we take.
Thanks Kendra, for being such an incredible woman, wife, mother and all round wonderful person-you are keeping Kenzie's story going, there are more chapters to the story-she may not be here in physical form but all you do in her honor are still chapters in her story and she is continuing to change lives.
Love and hugs, Em

Hil said...

Thanks for remembering our boys as well. That really means a lot to me. You are so amazing and strong. Thanks for sharing your story and letting us all into your life to get to know you and your little Angel.

Alerie said...

Simply Amazing!! It was so peaceful watching 148 balloons float towards Heaven. You are so thoughtful!! I know you touched many of those angels families by remembering them. You are so sweet!!

Melissa said...

one of the most beautiful posts I've ever read!
this left me with goosebumps and tears.

Robin said...

All of those balloons are amazing. Everytime we have a balloon in our house or around Kaitlyn she asks if we can give it to Kenzie. Love you.

Cassi said...

I peek in on your blog sometimes. I loved what you did with the cute leggings. I just read your grief post and understood...then I scrolled down and found my angel on your list of balloons that went "high to the moon". So very sweet and thoughtful of you. Thank you! I know that is always my fear that this sweet boy who changed my life will be forgotten. thank you...

Cassi (Cameron's mom)

♥ Stephan & Michelle & Ashlyn ♥ said...

Sooooo amazing, thats so beautiful that you honored all of them!! The best Kenzie day I think!!

Barrett, Melinda, Angel Trinity, and Baby Zander said...

I am beyond honored that you had my angel baby, Trinity, remembered during this balloon release. I've been reading your blog, and have been wanting to talk to you, then I read this and I am completely at a loss of words! You are amazing for what you do in honor of your precious angel baby...and for what you did for all of the other angel babies you have "Met". Thank you so much!

Love always,
Melinda Adams
(Angel Trinity's mommy)

Stephanie Waite said...

What a beautiful tribute. Thank you so much for including our angels. Really, words just don't work sometimes.

Camille's Mom

Rach said...

Oh, wow! This made me cry. You are so wonderful to think of all our angels in the midst of your own grief and sadness. I saw my Hannah Kate's name, and it's been SO long since I've seen it written by someone other than me.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

Hugs to you, as I know this has been a hard year.


Molly Bice-Jackson said...

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Michael and Natalia said...


Gayle already said what was in my heart... I also did not expect to see Lincoln's balloon, but as I scrolled down and saw his name tears started running. Thank you!! To you and whoever wrote his name and let the balloon out, THANK YOU!

much love, Natalia

Tami said...

It will be 3 years in January and I too fear that Joy will be forgotten. Thank you. I am overwhelmed with how kind and loving you are to remember our angels too. What a wonderful thing you have done. I often picture all of our angels together running and playing.
I'm sure it was a beautiful day.
Sending lots of love your way.
(mom of Joy Elise)

The Stimpson Family said...

Tears right now...Thank you for remembering our girl...and you have never met her. What a sweet gift you gave to not only your sweet daughter but to so many others. Thank you for being so selfless and loving others even though you don't know them. You are a wonderful example and I have enjoyed reading your blog. I pray that you will feel your angel near and be comforted through the missing.

Bridget said...

Thank you so much for remembering my son. Your simple act of kindness brings me to tears. What a beautiful tribute.

Larsen said...

What an amazing thing to do for Makenzie Angel Day. I can't even explain the tears running down my face right now. I am was so touched to see my sweet sons name. That you did that, means so much to me. That some one, some where else spoke his name. Thank you so much. Words are so inadequate. You are an amazing mother, to look outside yourself, to other mothers. I am in awe. Thank you.

Gavin Jeffrey's Mom

~plaid said...

What a thoughtful thing to do! I am very grateful you remembered Dominic and Bridget, and that you included them in your special day for Kenzie! I often think about how those of us who have buried children, that we will be "neighbors" someday. We will be raising our little ones together. We have a special relationship because of how we have endured this. (Or I hope to endure it - it is such a trying thing most days!) Well, words escape me! I am not easily moved, but this was such a beautiful thing you have done for Kenzie and for all these other little ones in Paradise with her! Thank you! Thank you so very much!

Unknown said...

Thanks for remembering Stephen's name.. I am astounded by your willingness to take the time to remember all of their names and their lives! What an amazing way to brighten our spirits this time of year! We will never forget your family or your daughter Makenzie! Thanks so very much xoxoxoxo.
Jess Bowman~ mother to Stephen Eric

Eberle Family said...

i dont normally comment on blogs but everyonce in a while i find something that touches me so deeply i feel compelled and as i sit here sobbing with such a intese feeling of gratitude and understanding of your pain that i must tell you how much i am touched that you have remembered my child. Daxton Matthew Eberle. He is one of the angels among us. One day mabey i will feel that i can tell his story . if you ever want to i would love to communicate with you. chellestar_1@hotmail.com. Thank you thank you thank you Ryan Kendra and Mckenzie

Diana said...

I can only echo what so many have already said, which is THANK YOU! What an amazing thing for you to do, and how grateful I am, and obviously so many others! Thank you for the amazing example of how to make those tough anniversaries a more positive and uplifting day!I just might have to start a similar tradition!

Diana Fischer-Caydin's mom

janalee said...

Thank you. I have no words except those. Thank you.

Myles' mom

mindi said...

oh kendra! we are coming up on our addison's sixth birthday and, two weeks later, sixth angel day. thank you for remembering her in makenzie's celebration. i am crying heartfelt tears. thanks so much. your angel is beautiful. so sorry you have to miss her everyday.

Amishka said...

I dont' believe you know me unless you found my blog through Ashley Sullengers. My name is Amy Saville and my son passed away on July 12, 2010 and I am also a memeber of the angels among us blog. The other night at my Book Drive party for Gabriel Ashley told me about your story and so I found your blog and read about your sweet McKenzie. Then tonight I was catching up on Angels Among Us and went to the link on your post there without realizeing who you were. Your tribute touched my heart so completly. I didn't see Gabriels name in you list but what you've have done to help remember all those children is amazing to me. This week is Gabe's 2nd Birthday and I'm already struggling but I want you to know that this post of yours has started my week on a good note. Thank you so very very much.
Love Amy
Gabriels Mom

Steph K said...

I just found you on our Angel Blog a few days ago and have spent many hours reading about precious Makenzie. Thank you so much for including Kris in your tribute! I'm in tears again today but that's ok. :)


Related Posts with Thumbnails