AH. The whole world is against me

Okay so my dog tried to kill me! Yes she and I have been together alone for far to long apparently and she tried to take me out this morning. She loured me out of the house by trying to make me think she was tangled around the light post. As I get out of the house and walk to her she runs from one side to the other so I am aerating (sp Im not a speller so dont laugh at my lack of letters smashed together) the lawn in my heels trying to catch her. I finally free her of the light post and as I take one step to the house just getting my heels back on the cement, Harley takes off like she is in a race and her chain wraps around my ankles and my legs fly out from under me. I am all the sudden twisted on my back lying on the ground. As I lay there with my life flashing before my eyes wondering if ill make it out alive I realize my neighbors are standing outside and no one is asking to help me. At this point I figure it must be some conspiracy to rid of me and I think to myself that I better get inside to protect myself. I fumble and hobble inside and sit down on the floor and examine my wounds. My ankle is already purple and puffy and my spine hurts. I cant call in to work because without me lets face it- American Express would not be able to function. With all the bravery I can muster I tearfully limp to my car and drive to work thinking how close I came to it being my time to go this morning. I frantically called Ryan in hopes of his sweet heavenly angelic voice to enlighten me but to my dismay he failed to answer. I didn't hear from him until 4:20 PM! Yes I almost died of a heart attack as well. Today is just not my day and I think I need to rush home before any further damage is done to me. Again with the world against me I cant go home- I have to tough out 4 hours of school tonight- one class being a MATH test. WOW its really not my day and I have realize I must have done something to piss off the Gods of Carma because they are all against me today!

i am- going to be selfish and write all about ME

i am...
i am- so missing ryan
i think- way to much
i know- i need to clean my house
i want- ryan
i dislike- homework-to much right now
i miss- should i say it again- RYAN and my brothers
i fear- i wont be the person i dream of becoming one day
i feel- tired (cant sleep)
i hear- a lot of noise around me and wish i had my ipod to listen to my tunes :)
i smell- my yummy salad that i want to eat right now
i crave- frozen peas and popsicles. dont ask me where this came from it just started a couple weeks ago. ryan cant stop laughing because thats all i ever want to eat
i cry- this morning. really missing my hubby
i usually- hate thursdays. they always feel like fridays but then i soon realize they are sooo not and i have one more day to go
i search- for what i believe in?!
i wonder- what is in store for my family this next year
i regret- not starting school right out of high school- i could be almost finished- agh
i love- my life: when my hubby is home
i care- about every person i see in the world- and all those i dont see- i want peace :) yes thats the hippy in me- where is a tree- i need to hug one
i always- create a excel spreadsheet when i worry about something. i try to find a solution to the problem and/or make sure i prepare myself for anything-nerdy-
i worry- my family is not happy, hurt or in need of something
i am not- in the body i wish i was in (physically)
i remember- my "perfect" weekend.
i believe- in God
i dance- ...when i really shouldnt and everyone is watching...
i sing- all morning i have been singing selena- hehe-
i dont always- realize how good i have it
i argue- about everything. ill even argue with myself when i think i am wrong
i write- during most every emotion i have. today i prob should have skipped it because i feel a little blue
i win- wii
i lose- my shoes and clothes- how can i really just lose them? i havent figured it out yet
i wish- it was closer to christmas
i listen- selectively
i dont understand- the world and politics
i can usually be found- at work or school, i dont have a life
i am scared- of night time. theres scary monsters out there. what if a ghost gets in my house
i need- to lose a bit of weight
i forget- to take pictures of the best moments in life
i am happy- when ryan comes home

See You Later...

So I know I'm being a bit of a drama queen but those who know me really well know I have really really bad separation anxiety. I have been this way my whole life and believe me its not pretty! My adorable amazing husband is leaving today for the best week (in his life) of the year. Its hunting season and during this time I usually lose him on weekends, a few days here or there, hours to go to the range and of course our TV is set on the hunting channel. I knew this would happen when we got married however I didn't realize how annoying it can get until after our first real year of actually living together married. Last year was hard however I tried to be supportive but still ended up being a nagging wife who followed her husband down to the cabin during this much anticipated week. This year- I have become much more understanding. I really don't complain until I see the bank account drop due to the much needed new items for the hunting year. The hunt started back in August so I have survived almost 2 full months of this. Today however is the start of something different. This week long adventure will be had without the wives this year. Not only because the boys deserve a week with just the "men" but because of ridiculous gas prices and lack of time there is not really a way for me to make the 4 hour drive down south to the cabin. Today is the first day of my adventure. Ryan leaves at 1:00 PM. I have said my "see you laters..." along with many tears (only from me) This is the longest time I will have spent apart from my husband. One week- Oh that should not be a problem right? Well for me its not just one week of not having him here but its one week of constant fear he is not "okay"Is he cold? Is he hungry? Is he lost? A million stupid thoughts run through my mind. Yes Ryan is an adult and has been hunting the same mountain with the same routes and with the same people for his whole life- 24 years! I need to just breath. I know he will be fine and will have the time of his life. I mean no wife, no one telling you to shower, no one telling you to eat something healthy, no one telling you to be nice and stop being such a "boy". Yes this is definitely my husbands week! He deserves it because all year long he has to live with me :) I just love my husband and don't trust anyone to make sure he is "okay" like I trust myself (I think I'm going to have some serious problems when I have children)

So sweetie- Until next Wednesday See you later and Have a blast!

Loving All the pictures

It only takes a few minutes because that's all I have. Teagan is such a happy happy girl but get bored quickly. It was such a fun weekend with Teagan. I don't have near as many pictures of Teagan as I did with Devlin so I really need to catch up. This was almost to easy to take some cute pictures of her. Smiles are what she does naturally. Teagan is such a special little girl and has really helped me see things in a different light. Simply because I get to be with her so much I have such a special bond with her just like I do with Devlin. I look at her pictures and think about her future- It scares me to think about what could happen but I guess that's when I need to stop. To many "could" and "mights" could happen everyday in this world and sometimes they take over to the point I lose whats happening right now. Right now- she is perfect. Happy and loved more than she could ever imagine. In the future- Other than how much people love her- who knows what could change. None of that is important though. She is perfect!

Have I said before that I love Pictures?!

I love taking pictures esp of kids and esp. of my nieces and nephews! When I take pictures of them I am able to capture the beauty and perfection they all have. Plus its fun to just get pictures of those little kids smiling and being so dang cute.

I took just a few of little Addie the other day. She is getting so big and chunky. I just love being with that little girl. She definitely has brought a different love to our family. I think anytime you join into a family there might be even a minute where you have to learn to fit in. I have been so lucky. My in laws are not really "in laws" They are my family and when I talk about my family I mean everyone of them and that means Ryan's side. I see so much unconditional love when I am with them. I was accepted from day one in spite of who "I was" They never cared. I cant believe I am able to be married to my incredible husband but also to my incredible new family. When Addison came along I think it almost joined us together even more. This perfect little girl brought in a million more laughs, smiles and memories.

All in Utah

So I talked a few post ago about my brother Ben and his family coming to Utah. They made the trip because we didn't know how much longer our Grandma Murtle would be with us and it was going to be a good bye trip! (FYI: She is doing fine and getting a little better everyday:)
This trip was amazing and we had so much fun with him and all his girls. I cant wait to see them all again. We did so much while they were here but the real reason it was such a perfect week was just because we all got to be together. I love all my nieces so much and they were consistently making me smile and laugh. Mina and Yuna slept over on one of the last nights they were here. I had so much fun watching movies and eating nothing but junk food till the wee hours. I went to be before them and when Ryan and I woke in the morning- they were asleep in our hall next to our bedroom door. When I woke them up to move them they were so surprise to be on the ground. They said "We didn't mean to fall asleep- we were going to stay up all night"
Bitna is almost 5 and full of so much energy. She has the sweetest voice and most adorable laugh. She is one of the only kids I have seen make Ryan melt like she did. He just fell in love with her. Being able to be with my family everyday for a little over a week was awesome. I cant believe how lucky I am to be in this family.
If it was not for web cam I don't know what I would do. I love being able to see these girls smile at me all the time. It was a very sad goodbye when they finally had to leave. Many tears were going all around.
Ryan and My vacation budget is already growing very quickly so we can plan our next trip next year to see them.

Kendra is 21

Since I have been such a Blog slacker I need to catch up on the past month!

FIRST- MY BIRTHDAY!!

It was a great birthday since I was able to simply be with my hubby. We didn't do much on my bday but Ryan was so sweet and took me out to dinner then bought me this birthday cake and flowers. We went out the next weekend with my family Ben, Myunglim, Kristianne and Amy... Along with other friends!

Harley grabbed a little sample of the cake- SILLY DOG!

8 IS GREAT

8 is Great

*I saw this on another blog and thought it would be fun!

8 Things I am Passionate About:

1. Ryan (He is so tough:)

2. My Career- Job

3. School

4. My Family- All Million and one of them!

5. Starting a family with Ryan

6. Changing the life's of others

7. Finding my purpose in this world

8. L-O-V-E

8 Words or Phrases I say Often:

1. "HELLLLO" (This one is directed to my hubby and my boss when they don't answer me or are lost in space)

2. "ERGH"

3."I love you"

4. "What the.."

5. "BYAN"

6. "Harley NO"

7. "Come on Kendra, Keep going"

8. "Miss you"

8 Things I want to do before I die:

1. Swim with Dolphins

2. Watch my family grow old

3. Retire

4. Become a school teacher

5. Go Rafting

6. Write a book

7. Become a photographer

8. Buy my own motorcycle- learn to ride one ;)

8 Things I have learned from my past:

1. Don't try to grow up to fast

2. Hold onto your closest friends

3. Don't settle

4. Follow your dreams- No matter how crazy they are

5. Just because your a Sr. in High school doesn't mean your grown up and know anything!

6. Study Hard

7. Value the small things in your life

8. Give, give and know you have never given enough

8 Places I would love to go or see:

1. Australia

2. Italy

3. Finland

4. China

5. Scotland

6. Ireland (Note Pics of Ireland. Beautiful)

7. The Rain Forest

8. A real life, in the wild Elephant and Giraffe

8 Things I currently need or want:

1. To finish School

2. New shoes

3. A maid

4. Clean my desk at work- catch up on everything I need to do instead of blog :)

5. Get family pictures taken

6. Plan a Halloween party!!!

7. Study for the Psych. test I have in 4 hours

8. Kiss my Husband!

I miss "Aunt Kendra"

I want to be home right now. With my family. All of my family. Seeing everyone run, laugh, smile. Today is a day I realize once again how much love I have for my family.
Ben, MyungLim, Mina, Yuna, Bitna and Donna all took off back to Korea. Standing at the airport watching them walk away almost drove me insane. I have been having a really hard couple of days- Thinking about this moment. Know they are going back to their home. Not knowing when I can see them again. When I went to help pick them up this morning little Bitna was crying. This little green eyed girl didn't want to leave and watching her with those tears running down her face broke my heart to pieces. I love to hear "Aunt Kendra" I love to hug those girls who are going up so fast and I hate the fact I cant watch it. My brother has always been very special to me. When we went to visit him in Korea I developed this incredibly strong bond. This need for him and for his whole family. One of the best things that came out of our trip to Korea was realizing I needed to develop this with the rest of my family. It can be very difficult sometimes. Our views, opinions and our past esp. has really gotten in the way of this close family like I dream. I understand it will not be a close family but I want to be as close as possible to each one of my siblings. I have really been able to get close to Kristianne lately. Of course always have looked up to her. The "cool" one for my whole life. What an amazing person she is. I see her take care of Grandma Murtle and I am blown away. True unconditional love! I can go on and on about her and all my other siblings but that's for another post. I am more writing for my own realization once again how important my family is to me. Everyone of them. I am so grateful to have the life I was given.
I promised my Bitna I would see her during the year she is 5- She turns 5 in November so I have 1 year and 2 months to get back to Korea. I still cant think about waking up tomorrow and not being able to see these girls. I just cant think about it right now-

Loving Every Minute

HaPpY SepTemBeR!
Life is
L- Love- Full of it that is :)
I- Increasingly more busy day by day
F- Far more unpredictable than I could have ever imagined
E- Entertaining
Where do I start? Taking this vaca blog has been a little sad for me. I feel a bit more organized when I follow my daily and weekly plans and without the blog I have forgotten my days, messed up the routine and just missed all my blogging buddies!
I am now officially LEGAL! My 21st bday was awesome. I really lived like a young 21 year old girl (for a few days)
School has started! I'm going full force and taking 4 classes. I'm so glad I have one of my very bestest friends in 3 of my classes! WHOo HOo.. I LOVE YA MAL
Among the list in my life
- Painted my WHOLE HOUSE
- Moved pretty much every room around to make better space, some rooms had a total remodel and moved to the basement or upstairs or to the garbage!
- My EXTRA load at work is really wonderful but also verrry draining
- Devlin, Ellie and Aidan all started Kindergarten
- Both my mother and mother in law had a birthday
Happy Birthday Momi! Happy Birthday Mom-Becky
- A few other minor issues with family
AND THEN!
My adorable wonderful 100 year old Grandma Murtle had a 2 Strokes!
She is seriously never going to let go- She is still around and going strong. Its a daily thing but this sweet lady refuses for whatever reason to let go.
Hospice has been coming and keeps telling us 5-10 more days for her to live. That was a few weeks ago. When they first told us this- The Army sent my brother Ben and his family home!!!!
Although it was under tough circumstances- I cant tell you how happy I have been being able to be with my brother and his family every day again. I took a week off school and work! We have been SO busy trying to fit in not only play time but quality time with the family and of course mainly Grandma! I think she has been really over whelmed with a million and 1 kids running around all the time but I know she loves it.
I have so many pictures I need to get on here- I took the girls to paint pottery, a few shopping trips to get webkinz, littlest pet shop and books. We went boating on Tuesday- WHICH was very cold but extremely fun esp since they have never experienced anything like that before. We went on hikes, swimming pool party's. It has been so much fun to be able to be with them.
Since yesterday I have not been able to turn off the water works. I cant even think about any of them without breaking down. I keep thinking about Friday morning when they leave and remembering the feeling when we got on the plane in Korea. I hate not being able to see them and hold them. My family is so important to me. My brother has become this person I have needed so much in my life. He is so amazing and the best Dad I have ever met. I really admire how incredible he and his adorable wife have raised their girls. The most respecting, well behaved children I have ever met! We will have a big goodbye party tonight before they leave in the morning.
I'm already checking air fair to go back next year!