Friday, July 9, 2010


To start this weekend. To end that pitty party.
I decided to just enjoy this...

Last night was horrible. Couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight and couldn't stop crying.
My screams woke up my husband.
He grabbed me, pulled me close.
I held him. Felt his arms and imagined my baby.
Their skin felt the same.
I held him so tight.
I imagined the day when I could hold her tight.
I hope I can control myself from squeezing her to hard.
I clung to him until I finally passed out.
My heart hurts. I miss my daughter. Its killing me.

I need to live for her.  I need to bring light to dark places.
She did so much-
her mission wasn't done-
 now its my responsibility to finish it for her.

Ill be working my butt off this weekend.
Preparing for the next.
The big weekend!!!
my brother is coming for a visit.
+ his girls this time.
and they are staying at our place.
+ other family from outa town
+ another big math test next week
I have so much to do.

All for you MRW


Alerie said...

I am so sorry that last night was so hard. I am so glad you have a wonderful husband to help you through this and vice versa with him. That is important!! I know I always say this, but you are amazing!! I know everything is going to turn out perfect and I am sure you will do great on your math test. I am positive that Makenzie is so proud of her mommy!! Enjoy all of your family that is coming to visit you!! Much love!!

Alerie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alerie said...

p.s. - I don't think I have seen a picture of Makenzie that isn't adorable!! She is so beautiful!!

The Call's said...

simply beautiful!

Emma said...

All the pics you post always make me smile. Kenzie is so happy in them, so loved, so sweet and so beautiful! I am glad you have Ryan by your side, he loves you and knows your pain. Good luck with your weekend, with you planning, studying, etc.. I know Kenzie is already proud of what you are doing for her, and I know she will be so proud of Live, Laugh, Breathe...what a gift to a sweet little one who gave so much, and continues to. Hugs today and always, Em

Ahtanya said...

I'm so glad you and Ryan have each other! Keep won't be easy, but I think you are amazing! Your strength keeps others going too!

Tara Bennett said...

Oh I love that girl and those pix. I don't think I had ever seen that last one.... so cute!

I saw Allie today and she said how hard you're working this weekend. What can I do? I've been working but now I'm off. I'll text you or call you. Especially tomorrow, I have the day free except a couple hours of church. I'm all yours to do whatever you need.

Living for MRW.... She is with you on this journey, more than you know. I hope you feel her presence in those times when you need her most.

I'm glad your brother's fam will be in town, how fun! Enjoy it (if you have time!)

Love ya

Anonymous said...

Hi thinking loving thoughts of you, Ryan and sweet Makenzie today (July 13, 2010). {{hugs}} Auntie M (Mary)


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