Sunday, January 17, 2010

happy half birthday!

Dear Makenzie Rye,
I cant believe your half a year old. Time has gone so fast. I feel like it was yesterday I was still feeling you run around in my belly saying- GIRLFRIEND- I'm ready for you anytime! I think back now wanting to kick myself. I should have soaked up every second of that time. You were safe, warm and with me every second of the day. I miss feeling that ripple go across my belly. I miss that sick feeling I would feel when you would kick my crotch to hard :)
I miss feeling your fingers or toes tickle my belly (seriously that was the weirdest but coolest feeling)
I think about what we would be doing if you were still here.
You would be so big.

I would kiss those lips all day.
We would make a pudding cake (that way we could sneak you a taste)
We would get balloons, dance to music, watch your favorite shows and sing happy half birthday over and over.
Your uncle Ben came all the way from Korea today just so he can celebrate your big Half Birthday :) I wish you 2 could have met. You would have simply gone nuts over him. He is awesome!

Makenzie I catch myself looking at your pictures, amazed that your my daughter. Your so incredibly beautiful. I'm am biased but seriously there is not ONE thing goofy looking about you. I was so worried I would have a funny looking kid- They would come out with a big nose, big lips or hairy... Although you did have your dads hairy back -haha- it was still the cutest hairy back I have ever seen. I miss holding you baby. I miss waking up running into your room because that night took way to long to get over with and I'm dieing to see you. I miss our baths. I miss our mani/pedi's. I miss dancing around the house making you smile. I wish you could have played in the snow with us.
We are pretty fun people sometimes-
I think you would have had a great time laughing at our silliness.
There isn't a second that goes by that I don't think of you.
Makenzie- thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing me to be your Mom. I hope I gave you the best life in your short time here. I hope you know I will do anything I have to do so that I can see you again. I miss you. I ache for you.
Don't you ever, ever doubt how much your Mom and Daddy adore you. How happy we are to know you are ours. Thank you for giving us your life. Thank you for teaching us so much, thank you for loving us, thank you for your smiles, thank you for being our angel.
Oh how I wish you were here.
Please stay close to us. We need you all the time.
We are sending you lots of hugs and kisses today.
Love you to infinity.
Love Mom and Daddy.

-- I relate so much of what I am feeling to songs. I have so many songs that explain how I feel better than I could ever put into words. This song by Mark Wills replays in my head over and over. I have thought it of it so many times since Kenzie passed away and I woke up this morning singing it in my head. The whole song is great but its the chorus that makes me think of Kenzie-
"Wish you were here, wish you could see this place
Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face
The weather's nice, it's paradise
It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"

* Our very special friend Heather took these pictures while she was watching Kenzie. Heather is such an amazing person. She loved our little girl so much and gave her so much. I love these pictures.

I miss my family.


Tara Bennett said...

Happy Half Birthday to Makenzie. I'm glad your brother is able to be here with you. Sending love and hugs to you guys and Miss Makenzie. xo

derek, allie, emma , & bradyn said...

Happy Half Birthday Kenzie Girl! I hope you caught our kisses we blew to you, and we'll be sending you a balloon from all of us for you to catch and play with! We love you sweet angel! We think about you and your parents every day!

Emma said...

I am not sure where I read this, how I have come to have it in my hands, but I knew I had to share it with you....
I'm sure if she could tell you, "Thank You," she would. I'm sure she would want you to know that she loved being a part of your lives even though brief. She remembers the belly rubs, soothing sounds of your voices, and the adrenalin of wanting her so badly.
I'm sure if she could, she'd tell you..she's with you forever. She will remember you both in her own angelic way, watching over you, holding onto your souls with her little hands and never releasing. She's all around you, touching your thoughts and hugging your memories. She smiles and laughs to comfort you each day you feel sad. She's happy for your strength and needs your hope to help her fly.
I'm sure if she could tell you, "Thank You," she would, For all the powerful love, for remembering her, for holding her when she was born and missing her when she became your angel. She knows she is your combined, manifested pure love and she is your hope.
She's the light in your window, she's the hope in your heart, she's the baby angel that throws the first snowflake upon your face- her kiss to Mommy and Daddy. Just know that the smiles on your faces help her get through her day, too, and she knows you love her, knows you miss her, and wants you to know that she's watching over you both. If she could tell you..I know she would.

Happy Half-Birthday Kenzie!

Anonymous said...

Happy Half Birthday Makenzie.
It is good to have your brother come. Share with him all you can of Makenzie so he will know her.
You sound good today Kendra and that in its self is good. Makenzie is grateful for you and Ryan being her parents. It is amazing to me how much time she takes in my mind everyday, I think mainly because I worry about you and Ryan. She is happy and busy doing the Lords work, rejoice in knowing that and that she loves you dearly. Have a good day and enjoy the joy of life. Makenzie thanks you for all you did for her and she is close by watching over you. Remember the silence and stillness of your heart and mind and you will know of her.
Love you both so much

brigette said...

Happy half birthday Kenzie. I hope your dancing and playing in heaven maybe you have even met my baby Kael. I hope you guys are friends and keeping each other company! Kendra you have inspired me to start writing to Kael. What a great idea. Hes been gone 18 months now and ive yearned for a way to get all my feelings out. I visit his grave look at his pics and talk about him to anyone that will listen but I think I need to write to him. Thanks for your example!!

Esther said...

Happy 6 month birthday Makenzie! I love all of the pictures and stories your mommy posts about you! I'm sure you're growing so big, and are darling as ever!

Cailey & Brady said...

Kendra I know you do not know me and I do not know you. I found your sweet blog through a string of blogs. My sister and I read your blog every day. You are truly an inspiration to me I lost a brother about ten months ago and death is the hardest thing to deal with. It makes me absolutely sick that you lost your sweet angel. There is no doubt in my mind she was and still is an angel. Thanks for being so strong, for making me cry and cry and for sharing these hard times with me and many many others. Keep being strong! Thanks for uplifting my days ever day! Happy Half Birthday to your sweet little Kenzie! She sure is a doll!

Anonymous said...

Happy Half Birthday my precious grand daughter!!!! Wish you were her so I could hug you you tight....You are in my thoughts and prayers every single day....I love you!!!! Always & Forever, Grandma Becky :)

Brian and Rebecca Nate said...

You still don't know me and I still don't know you, but I read your blog every day. You are such an inspiration to us all. I can relate to a lot of the things you say and feel, even though my little guy has been gone a long time. I cry almost every time I read your posts. You have such a great way with words. Happy half birthday Miss Kenzie! I know she's in heaven having a good time and waiting to see one of your wonderful balloons float her way.

{owens} said...

you guys don't know but i found your blog through a friends blog and my heart aches for you. i had to close the blog after a few minutes because i'm at work and am in complete tears. i have a friend from high school and her baby boy has sma as well. he's 2. i can't imagine how alone you must feel and just wanted you to know that there are people praying for you..even people you don't know. we will be voting every day to END this disease. thank you for being the wonderful mommy that you are.

Sam and Julie said...

Happy birthday, beautiful girl!!

My only question now is, Kendra, how is one little girl THIS ADORABLE!!!

Hugs and kisses from California,



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