Thursday, December 31, 2009

our christmas

1:30 am - still cant sleep so i figured i blog...
our real christmas was actually Dec. 12th this year. we wanted our kenzie rye to have a first christmas so we gave her one. it was really simple and not much other than ryan, j and i sitting around listening to christmas songs, looking at our lite up christmas tree in the dark and holding our beautiful little girl.
here is our tree
my awesome sister made these- i (heart) them

the sweetest boy ever made these. Q i love you. thank you for the angels.
i tried to dress this women for the occasion but she wasn't having it. i guess i don't blame her.
we all had a great time. even our extremely tired little girl who pooped out early in the night.
ryan and i thought long and hard what to get makenzie. it had to be something extra special so she could always have it. we wrote her a letter and we gave her a locket. we put our picture in it and wanted her to take it with her when she goes. that way she will always know we are with her as much as she is with us. we need her just like she needed us and we love her more than she could ever imagine.

**this last picture is for the simple reason we are mean parents! like i said before, what fun are kids if you cant laugh at them from time to time :)

we sent this little neckless to heaven with our daughter. we hope she will carry it around and always remembers how much we treasure her. how much we adore her. how our lives will never be the same without her. i keep pulling myself away from sleeping in her crib. i don't know why i want to but i am dieing to feel her. i want to be close to her. i still hate
realizing that wont happen physically.
dec. 25th. is just the first of many upcoming firsts we will have to experience without kenzie. we hope she follows us and we can show her a good time though.
after our christmas night o' fun j thought she was funny and made kenzie look like a fool-

well the cutest fool i have ever seen!
oh how i miss this little girl. you sleep tight muffin. maybe stop by for a quick visit if you can. i could sure use a hug- im still aching all over for you.


Chris and Carrie Davis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris and Carrie Davis said...

I dont know you but noticed your blog off of Kyle and Kelly Martinez's blog! We are so sorry for your loss. We have a little girl that will be 2 years old, January 15th. Your story is so touching and we are so sorry for your loss. It is undescribable to know how you are feeling, and I hope that you find strength in every day ahead! We pray for you and your family and promise to go home and hold our baby and literally cherish every single moment with her! You are in our thoughts and prayers!

~ Chris and Carrie Davis

Devon said...

I am glad you got to do a Christmas. I love the locket is perfect.


Nana said...

I think the locket and the letter were perfect gifts. Hope you can get a better night's sleep soon.

Hope you can get your laundry done. ha ha

Hope each day get's just a little bit better.

Emma said...

A locket was a perfect gift, although I know even without it your sweet girl would have always felt your love, how could she not, you have so much of it for her!! I hope you felt her come and hold you last night, that you felt some peace and were able to get some sleep. I hope you are able to start 2010 with peace in your heart knowing your sweet angel is watching down on you, holding you in her arms, and feeling your love every second. Hold tight to Ryan, hold tight to your family and friends, they are what will help you take each new step. Although I do'nt know you I know you can do it, with Kenzie there sending you strength. Em

Janeal said...

I stumbled across your blog from a comment posted on the blog of a friend, then spent the entire evening crying as I read through your story. My heart aches for you and your family, I pray that you will have comfort and strength beyond your own.

Tara Bennett said...

What a lovely Christmas. The locket was a beautiful gift and I love that you had a tree with angels on it. Hugs, Kendra. We pray for you every single day. xo

The Pachuilo Family said...

I think the locket wasa great gift. And I bet that letter is priceless. I love that you were able to have a tree and everything, she did get her Christmas!

Alerie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alerie said...

I am so glad that you got to celebrate Christmas with your little Kenzie. I love that you gave her a locket and a letter. I just cried when I read that is what you gave her, because it was perfect. You couldn't of thought of a better, more thoughtful gift. I love the picture ornaments that your sister made. They are beautiful and you will treasure them forever. You and Ryan are amazing and are always in my thoughts and prayers!! Much love to you!!

FROGGITY! said...

kendra, that is a beautiful gesture... she's gorgeous and i know that gift was special to her... just like you are special to her.

been thinking about you and praying as always. may 2010 bring you peace and many blessings.

Anonymous said...

Kendra, my heart goes out to you both. The pain you're feeling has to be tremendous and I'll keep you and Ryan in my prayers. Greg has spoken of you often.

Peggy Garvin
Greenville, NC

Brian and Rebecca Nate said...

You don't know me, but I came across your blog off of Gayle Johnsons. We live in Cokeville with Gayle. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I have felt your pain and the simple fact is that it will never go away. Our little boy has been gone for 10 years, 11 in March, and I still think of him a lot. The pain will lessen as time goes on and if you decide to have more children you will see your beautiful kenzie in them as well. We now have 2 children, a boy and a girl, but I never forget our little man and how wonderful he was. I am so sorry for your loss. Life does go on even though you don't know how it can. I know that at the time you feel like you are the only person this happens to, but in reality there are a lot of people out there that lose their little ones and sometimes it helps to lean on them for strength. Take care and I hope I haven't offended you with what I've said. Keep your head up and put one foot in front of the other.

Robert and Jordane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Kendra and Ryan
Always remember that Makenzie is near you. In the quiet of your thoughts and the moments of remembering she is there. She is happy and she is grateful to both of you for being her parents. She just had a to come for a short time and she is not unhappay because of that she knew, she wanted and she bravely came and did her part. I know she lives she loves you both and wants you to care on. She will always be there but I know too she does not want you to sit still, she wants you moving on in this life until it is your turn to return. Be mindful of Satan and his job of taking you down don't let that happen Makenzie would really be unhappy then. She loves you and knows that both of you are strong. Look for the good that this child brought to you not the end result because the end result is not what has happened but what can happen. I know you hate hearing about God but He does love you both so much, for a moment think about how much He hurt when He sent His son to die for each of us. The Lord and Jesus know how you feel, Jesus suffered this same things you are feeling right now but He knows you can make it and will not leave your side. In the still small silence feel His arms around you. Makenzie is there with Him loving you both. Find something to give you the peace you need. Help someone with a child who can't see the end of the tunnel. Find someone who sits in a shelter with knowone to care about them. Go to the shelter(St. Anne's in Ogden) and help feed the men, women, and children that come to eat a meal. The I promise you you will find the comfort and the silence of the moment to feel MaKenzie and the Lord. I want you to know many have suffered because of the lose of this child, she gave joy to many and taught many of us of the struggle of life and the joy we can have. MaKenzie is reveling in the Lords work right now and is loving both of you beyond words feel the silence and you will feel her. She is near and wants the very best for the very best parents she could have asked for. I love both of you and loved and still love that beautiful baby girl and I too grieve for her and for you two be patience and the hurt will ease. Know you are loved by my family and we are here if needed. Don't stand idelly looking on McKenzie would not want that for you, she loves you and wants you to move forward with life. She is happy and she is progressing I know that and most of all she wants you to know. She loves You Both.
Today I have felt her presents, and I know she is near to all of us. She will visit you in your dreams and at times when you are just driving down the road. I know because of grandma Brown and my dad and others who have given me the knowledge of life after death. They all say be patient and love the memory of those who were here once. McKenzie will always love you and need you. You just have to find the silence and you then will know what to do.
I love you both so much be patience and find the silence of Mckenzie.


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