... nothing like a bath

Baby Tracker technically had his first bath in the hospital but his first bath at home was much better. 

Warmer water, yummy smelling soap, extra soft towels and Daddy did it all.

Tracker follows in his sisters footsteps LOVING his bath time.

He relaxes right away and could sit in the water for hours if we let him.

I cant believe that giving our baby a bath would mean so much. Its amazing how much we missed these little things. These little moments. I could freeze this moment forever.

The day we got home from the hospital (9/11/12) was the same day Track got his circumcision. His doctor said to make sure he pee'd within 8 hours after the procedure was done or to call him. We were only used to this little guy for 2 days but in those 2 days Tracker proved to be one of the best pee and poopers in town so we figured there would be no problem. Of course this day he didn't  pee or poop. I was a wreck waiting for something to happen. By the end of the day, 8 hours had passed since his procedure and I was ready to call his doctor in tears because I worried something was seriously wrong... Ryan suggested we give him a bath and see if he just needed to relax a little. The minute Ryan took his diaper off this little stinker pee'd and pooped all over his Dad! I was laughing and crying all at the same time.

Thank goodness for Ryan who calms me down on an hourly basis.

We are in love with every inch of this little man. He is the sweetest ever.

We are still here.

In 3 days my baby will be 2 weeks!! Where is the time going?
Well I guess it's going to constant feedings, changing diapers, spit ups, kisses, snuggles, singing, taking pictures, changing more diapers and more feedings.
Oh life has been busy. So good. So full. So beautiful. So busy.
Maybe I would get more done if I put this baby down for a second but I can't pull myself away. I can't have him more than inches away from me. Unless its at night when he- on his own- decided his crib, in his own room, all the way down the hall from mom was a much better place to sleep than in the bassinet right next to mom where she could keep one hand on him all night. Sigh. So I cling to my baby monitor all night. I have so much to update on this blog. So much to document. But I am soaking up every second with Tracker. He is simply perfection. Every inch of him. And I eat it all up. I am emotionally still out of it. I am so happy but completely overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I cant be away from Tracker for more than a bathroom break and that's pushing it. Ryan's days at work are almost unbearable. The worry of something happening to either of my boys has been crippling. I am doing my best to get out of this stage. I am happy. I definitely am. I am so thankful and so over the moon inlove with both my boys. So this hiccup will pass. I'll get my butt in gear and get this blog up to date asap.
Until the next post enjoy a little bit of heaven with this little man.

Introducing...

Welcome to the world

Tracker Kent Webster

September 9, 2012

11:41am

7lbs 10oz

20 inches long

We are completely, over the moon, obsessively with all of our hearts in love with this boy.

We cant stop kissing his face.

We snuggle him all day long.

He is absolutely perfect.

39 Weeks.

How far along? 39 Weeks (tomorrow)
Clothes? As I put on a new outfit this week I thought to myself... "Hello .... piece of maternity wear- this is the last time I will wear you this pregnancy. I hope you don't bust a seem." then at the end of the day I say something like "thank you for covering this bod as best as possible. I looked ginormous today and got several stares wondering if I had a couple babies in here. we will be saying goodbye today so thanks for doing your job and I'm not sad to see you go"... Its been a good week clothing wise for that reason alone. Knowing I wont have to wear that item again for a long time... 
Best moment this week: Spending some quality time with my Ryan. Oh this week was sooo needed. Even though we have both been working and not seeing each other until late at night- we come home and don't waste a minute together. We are both so anxious, so excited, so scared. It seems like it should still be so far away. NOT TOMORROW.
Not so good moment of the week: I have really had a good week. I have been staying busy so every moment doesn't seem to drag. This is worse than any Christmas I have ever experienced. I wish my house was cleaner but I am more worried about getting some other things done and spending time with Ryan.
Miss Anything? I miss bladder control. That is going to be sooo amazing to get somewhat back. I wont know what to do with myself.
Movement: I have been meaning to document this for a while and always forget. I think its so funny but the last couple weeks/months Tracker has been pretty responsive to us. esp me. I have been able to find ways to make him move. Which has been a life savor every one of those moments I start to freak out thinking he hasn't moved in 10 minutes. He is a good boy and will do a little jab or kick to reassure me he is doing great. What gets him moving the most? Rubbing something across my belly. I know weird. I know you are going to think I'm crazy but its true. My hand usually doesn't work. It has to be my phone or a drink or my water or something other than my hand. I started realizing this when I would whip my phone on my belly to clear up the screen. You know what I mean. You do it to with your pants or something. Anyway- its the weirdest thing but it works every single time.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.
Gender: B-O-Y and if you haven't caught on... His name is Tracker Kent Webster.
That's right. Its completely official. I may or may not have tried to convince Ryan to think of another name especially in the last couple weeks but he is completely set on Tracker. Its been our thing from the beginning that Ryan gets to name this baby and I am so happy he took it so seriously. He has had the name picked out since the beginning and he hasn't even floated around another idea. Ill have to tell the story another day of how that name came about.
Symptoms: So the usual pains as every other week. The only thing new this week. I have been having these crazy sharp, intense pains that completely take my breath away but only last a second. They come one right after another but they don't last at all. I am guessing they are the start of contractions. I don't know. They freaking hurt though. They feel totally different than those braxton hicks. They all hurt but these ones are major pain.
Emotions: This week I have been on cloud nine. So happy to have Ryan home. So happy to be this close to meeting our son. I have had a few minor break downs missing Makenzie, remembering how my experience was with her at this state, fearing for labor and delivery, fearing for any problems that could arise, sad my Mom wont be here when he is born, excited to see him, excited Ryan is taking a couple days off after he gets here. I really have been just so thrilled the majority of this week. So overly thankful for everything God has given us and for this life. Thankful that we didn't give up when we lost Kenzie. Thankful she helped us through these last couple years and thankful to be so close to welcoming our SON tomorrow.
Looking forward to: His Life.


I guess this is the end of my weekly pregnancy updates. I honestly cant believe we are here. The end. This day seemed like it would never come. I never thought I would have another child. I never thought I would be pregnant. I never thought this pregnancy would end. I never thought we would be this close. Hours away from bringing another little one into the world. I am honestly overwhelmed with gratitude. How we were able to survive the death of our little girl. That we were able to keep going. That we didn't give up. That we stuck together. That we chose this option. How is this my life? Is it the life I dreamed? No. but that's whats great about life. If we are willing to give up on what we have planned for ourselves we might be able to welcome a whole different life that God has planned for us. and this life. Is amazing. I never in my wildest dreams could have ever imagined loving Ryan as much as I do. I never would have seen how incredibly blessed I am for this little boys life. To be here. Seeing what real pain is. and now seeing what incredible joy is. Wow. I have no words. 
I cant believe we are here. 
I have been dreaming of being a Mom.
I have been aching to hold my child in my arms.
I have been longing to have this life again.
and I will get all of that. I will get this opportunity again. and this time, even more than before
- I wont take it for granted.
We were so lucky to have the life we did with Makenzie. We are so thankful for everything she taught us and for the incredible love she showed us. Without her, we wouldn't be here today. We wouldn't understand life the way we do and we wouldn't be able to love this intently.
I cant wait for him.

a letter to my son.

Dear Tracker,

We are days away from meeting. Looking at each other for the very first time. Feeling each other. and starting our journey through life together. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for your life. When I think about what our first moments will be I am filled with the purest of joy. You are coming to us after the hardest time in our life. You are coming into our home already giving us this incredible light that we lost. The past 9 months have been surreal knowing we will get the chance to love again. To love that immensely. To love that beautifully. To love with all of our hearts. Your life is the greatest gift we could ever receive. To share your journey. To show you life the best way we know how. To guide you through some hard times and some amazing times.

Tracker I promise you love. Endless amounts of love everyday of your life.
I promise to never take your life for granted. I promise to thank God everyday for you. I promise to hold you. I promise to live our life as if everyday is our last.
I am not perfect and will make a million mistakes along the road but giving up or doing a 'good' job is not enough. Not for you.
I promise to teach you, comfort you, guide you, listen to you, understand you and love you with every ounce of me.
I promise to always be here.
I promise to say I am sorry when I am wrong.
I promise to embarrass you.
I promise to make you laugh.
I promise to accept you for whoever you become.
I promise to put my life on the line to save you.

Tracker, you hold my heart in your hands. You carry my happiness, my sadness, my fears, my dreams, my hopes, my wishes, my life. You have given me a reason.
Thank you for your life. Thank you for choosing your Dad and I as your parents. Your life will never be taken for granted. We see how blessed we are to have you.

Just like with your sister, we will give up everything in life to make sure you have everything. We will stand by you. We will never leave. We will carry you when you just cant do it anymore. We will be your constant.

We have been dreaming of you.
We have been praying for you.
You are about to change our world.
You will be ours.
You are our life.
You are the reason we are still here.
You are why we didn't give up.
We love you to the moon Tracker Kent Webster.

Leggings

I have received a couple packages in the mail these last few weeks with some adorable leggings inside. Hooray!!! I cant thank all of you enough. It really is such a blessing. Just think that just 1 pair will be given to 1 child and imagine how happy you have made them. I love this project because even the smallest donation can make the biggest difference.
I wanted to update you all. I did another count today and we are currently at 256 pairs of leggings.
AMAZING but we only have 3ish months left and I would love to collect MANY more.
This can be a great little service project for kids or even yourself. Feel free to share our project with everyone you know. I have all the information on the link at the top of my blog or you can click HERE.  My goal is to donate 2000 pairs of leggings but I will be happy being able to donate any amount. I keep in contact with the amazing team at Primary Children's Hospital and they cant say enough how popular those leggings are. Everyone loves them. I have received a couple emails from parents of a child that received a pair of leggings just thanking all of YOU for your amazing donation. They have said how it completely brightens up their little ones day.
I hope none of you have ever experienced or never will experience life in a hospital with your sick babe. but if you do-- you know anything that brings a smile to your little ones face is life changing.
When we had our stay in the PICU I was overwhelmed with the amazing support and love people would give.
We were there over Thanksgiving and these 3 amazing families that all lost a child there in the PICU served Thanksgiving dinner to all us parents. The unity and support is out of this world. You cant imagine the simple joy it brought to all of us.
We were given blankets almost on a weekly basis. We loved them so much. You wouldn't think they would get so dirty but we always managed to spill something on them or Kenzie would pee on one or some of her fluids would leak.
There was so many other amazing acts of kindness show to us its really just incredible.
One of the great thing about the leggings project is that they are distributed throughout the hospital. Not just the PICU. So kids all over get to have a pair. Kids in the cancer ward, the burn unit, etc. This hospital is huge. They help kids from all over the country. Your donation is so important.
I hate to beg but I will. I want to share not only Makenzies story but all of yours-- showing people how generous all of you are.
I hope when you see a pair of leggings you snag a pair for this project. I hope if you are in a Target you grab a couple of their knee high socks to send this way. Even if you don't sew- ill do it for you!
Or you can always buy a cookbook. I would love to clear some of these boxes out of my closet. Its a win win for you... All money from the cookbooks goes to buying leggings and you get an amazing cookbook out of it. You can keep the cookbook or you can give it to someone as a gift. Christmas is not far off. How cute would a cookbook and a mixing spoon tied to it be for anyone. I love getting gifts like that. and you would totally be the most popular gift giver ever because whoever gets that cookbook will fall IN LOVE. You have no idea the amazing recipes that are in this thing. oh heavens!

Please spread the word. Please help.
There is no donation too small.
If you have any questions or would like the address to send your donation please email me at
livingformrw@hotmail.com

Thank you so much for any help you can give!!!

Couldn't you just eat up those legs?!

while he is away...

Thank GOD its Sunday.

That means only 1 more day until l I get to see my love.

Oh I hate when he is away.

but I am always so happy when I talk to him and he tells me all about his day and that he is having such a great time.  All the boys got a deer. Woohoo. 

They are finding a good balance of play and relaxing.

Other than a minor incident of Ryan getting attacked by a swarm of bees, his trip has gone off without a hitch. and when I heard about the bee incident... I may or may not have had a heart attack and almost cried. It was sad hearing him list off every place he got stung.

So while the man is away I have tried my very best to stay as busy as possible.

I have had a list a mile long of things I wanted and needed to do.

So far. The majority has been checked off and that makes me happy.

I have had just a few break downs missing Ryan and having those crazy thoughts that something might happen to him and what I would do and then pray/beg God to make sure nothing happens to him and that he comes home safe to me.

So what has me and baby boy been up to?

... several donation runs, i am getting rid of a lot of crap ...

... weeding ...

... endless loads of laundry ...

... making freezer meals ...

... buying giant pads- so not looking forward to that ...

... took Ryans Grandma shopping ...

... designed baby announcement ...

... sonic visits with my first born ...

... getting my brows waxed and getting my toes painted, i need to feel somewhat decent when my legs are spread and im shoving that bebe out of me. Ive told ryan to concentrate on my freshly shaped brows instead of my who-ha ...

... filed the last years worth of papers i have collected in the 'to file' pile ...

... washing mattresses and pillows ...

... buying items to baby proof the house ...

... enjoying the little rain that has come around ...

... sewing- gasp! seriously this is a huge undertaking and not really something i love but i love the end result. is it bad that if anything happens to the sewing machine i am SOL until my husband gets home. yeah i have no idea how to work the thing. good thing he took home ec...

... working ...

... finishing my 2010 blog book-- woohoo ...

... swimming...

... going out with friends ...

... hanging out with my mum and sisters ...

... celebrating my mums bday ...

... celebrating ryans mums bday ...

... cleaning like a crazy person. I have never scrubbed under my bathroom sink so much in my life ...

... babysitting some cute little kids. love my nieces and nephews ...

... buying milk ...

... taking a couple long baths ...

... writing thank you cards ...

... bathing harley...

... playing with harley ...

... taking long walks with harley ...

... taking harley to get all her shots 

and getting some tests done to make sure she is nice and healthy for new baby ...

(like that scowl)

... buying all those last minute baby items that i need ...

... packing our hospital bag ...

... installing the car seat ...

... cleaning out the shed, car, storage space ...

... organizing ...

... watching friends ...

... watching movies ...

... doctors appointments ...

... grocery shopped ...

... crafting ...

... then repainting everything i just painted because i ended up hating the color ...

... plus a lot of other random things that kept me rather busy the entire week+ that he has been gone ...

I cant wait for him to get home tomorrow.

I have some fun things planned for us this week to live it up before TK arrives.

We are so excited we cant contain ourselves.

38 Weeks

How far along? 38 Weeks
Clothes? Living in my leggings. I am thinking they will not be going anywhere even after baby comes. I have grown very attached.
Best moment this week: Getting a ton of things checked off my to do list. I was so ready for this week to be over. I need my husband.
Not so good moment of the week: No Ryan. I kind of NEED him on a daily basis and this week was far too long. plus I have been a ton of pain.
Miss Anything? Ryan...
Movement: Still a very active boy. He is doing much better at being less active at night and a lot more active during the day. Lets hope that sticks.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. Just don't have much of an appetite so I have to make myself eat or baby gets upset.
Gender: Boy
Symptoms: My back has been in terrible pain. My pelvis is consistently throbbing. I am ready to get a normal body back. I am ready to sleep again. There has been NO sleep the past couple weeks but especially this last week. I blame it on a mix of pregnancy, Ryan not being here and Harley having some serious anxiety issues.
Emotions: Totally a roller coaster. I am on cloud nine dreaming of how soon until ill be holding this little boy in my arms to completely breaking down in hysterical sobs fearing for what is to come. Missing Makenzie. Missing Ryan. Lack of sleep. Lack of eating. agh...
Looking forward to: Our SON! We will be meeting him in just 7 days. I simply cant wait. I have no idea how I will make it through this week. The anticipation is going to kill me. 

I feel like this day would never arrive. I have felt like the privilege of being a parent was always so far out of reach. That it just wouldn't be a reality for Ryan and I. It never seemed like we would see this day. Even being pregnant it always just seemed like its so far away. That is until right now. Ryan and I were having our nightly chat on the phone last night and we were both having a minor anxiety attack thinking sunday (today) would be our last Sunday without his baby. That we will have one last monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday before he arrives. Ryan is beyond excited. He is soo ready and his fears are minimal. He wants his boy. I am much calmer than I thought I would be but still freaking out a little. I am starting to get fears for the actual delivery more than when he gets here. I am worried for what is to come but I am trying to just put all of the unknown on God and have faith that he will keep our family together. Ryan always makes me think about things different and makes me more excited than fearful. I cant wait until he is in my arms but more than that- I cant wait to see Ryan with him. I wish I would have soaked up his relationship with Makenzie more. but this round will not go unnoticed. I have already fallen more in love with Ryan seeing the love he has for this boy already. I cant imagine how much that will grow when I actually see them together. That will be one of the best moments in life. 
So this week will be filled with living it up with a childless life. I have a few things planned for Ryan and I. It will be a great week. One that will probably drag-- but I cant wait to spend quality time with my best friend.

Bags are packed.

Want to hear something rather embarrassing yet kind of funny?

So the other day I was sitting on the floor trying to stretch my back out on a pillow, its been aching in pain... All the sudden I am soaking wet. I start to freak out thinking my water just broke. I mean it wasn't a little damp-- it was full on wet pants. I ran to the bathroom trying to figure out what to do. Then I think, wait is this pee?

I didn't know what to do. Who do I call? I didn't want to call Ryan because he would have been in the car on his way home in .2 seconds but if my water hadn't really broke I could imagine he would be a little irritated. So I decided to just change my clothes and see if I was still wet in a minute. Sure enough- I was dry the rest of the night. Yes friends- I pissed myself AGAIN! This time I honestly didn't even have the urge or sensation to pee. I had no idea it even came out. It was the weirdest thing. I have wet myself a few too many times but always notice I'm peeing myself. 

... I called Ryan after the fact and he had a good laugh.

This is one HUGE thing I am not going to miss when this baby comes. I am so tired of changing my clothes and needing to shower a few times a day because I cant control my bladder.

but having this 'scare' happen, made me realize if I was to go into labor right now- I am not prepared.

So I spent my evening getting all the -need to do- things complete.

. registering for the hospital

. making a labor check list

. ensuring all our upcoming bills are paid

. packing the hospital bag

. packing the diaper bag

. installing the car seat

... sure I would love my house to be completely spot free and have a million other misc items complete before baby gets here. but the reality is they don't NEED to be done. These other important things do need to be done. So I can go to bed at night not so worried if my water might break what I will do.

I packed my bags this time remembering what I wished I would have had with Makenzie as well as getting some ideas off other hospital bag check lists that are out there.

Somethings I didn't find necessary and I'm sure there are things on my list that are unnecessary to others but they are necessary for my needs/wants...

- Baby T's hospital bag -

my diapee wipee case with a few NB diapers and a pack of wipes .

I know the hospital has their supply of these but if you are like us, we don't go straight home after the hospital so we might need some of these. I love the chevron print.

I love the case because there was several times I didn't need to take Makenzies whole diaper bag to change her so this will be nice to just grab this little pack and get the job done.

Swaddle blankets. I like the hospital ones but they are not super soft and not very cute.

These Adan + Anais bamboo blankets are heaven. They are soooo soft. I cant wait to curl up with one myself. They are super lightweight and breathable so they will be perfect for a newborn when its still a little warm.

A couple pairs of socks and a little hat. 

Again the hospital has a hat for the babe but Ryan and I kind of like this one better. 

As for socks--- I remember wishing I would have brought some for Kenzie. I kept her bundled the majority of the time but her feet were still cold. Plus from the beginning she didn't like being swaddled, she wanted to be free so I couldn't wrap her up as tight as I would have liked to keep her warm. 

Coming home outfits.

I picked 2. I have no idea how big or little this baby will be so I wanted more than 1 option.

I have to say I didn't even think about what outfit Kenzie would come home in. I didn't even care. Which resulted her in coming home in not the cutest thing. 

Not like its a big deal- a car ride home- but its fun because its the first real outfit you will put on your little one. and for us, we have a few stops to make before we go home so I want him to be comfy and somewhat attractive.

There was a whole list of these little diaper items I found to pack 

but I don't find most of them necessary.

I decided to just take a few things that I don't think ill even use but they will be there just in case.

Lotion

Desitin

Powder

Binky Spritz (used to sanitize binkys that fall on the ground)

Sanitizer

Binky... camo of course...

Who knows if this binky will be the one this little boy likes. I went through 3 different types with Makenzie before she decided the NUK ones (like below) were her favorites. That is until she was in the hospital and the only one that we could cut to fit around her breathing tube was that giant green hospital one. We will see what this boy prefers, if he wants one at all.

- Mom hospital bag -

Treats for Ryan. Sometimes the whole labor process can take a while. Lucky for me the last time it really wasn't that long but it was long enough I know Ryan would have liked a little treat so I snagged a couple of his favorites. I want to still grab him a magazine to keep him busy if we have some downtime but just haven't picked one up yet.

Phone charger

and my Makenzie necklace. I wanted something I can focus on when the pain gets really bad.

Comfy socks. I grabbed a couple pairs from Bath and Body works.

Both are infused with some great stuff to make your feet all soft and comfy. Both have the skid resistant pads on the bottom so I wont be falling all over when I'm walking around after delivery. 

Yes the colors are a bit much but unfortunately there wasn't any other options.

When giving birth Ill just use their gown but I wanted a couple of my own outfits for the days I'm still at the hospital after he comes. I bought a couple dresses when I had Makenzie to wear there and they were amazing. So I did the same. These are more night gowns that are for nursing Mums so they will be easier to maneuver. I also am bringing a robe. I didn't even think about that before and realize it would have been nice to have. I have a super light weight short one so It wont get in the way it will just be a nice cover up when I want it.

Coming home from the hospital outfit.

I never know what to wear because its really not a big deal to me. I just grabbed a pair of sweats and a comfy shirt. I didn't want something fancy and I wanted it somewhat loose since my body will not be in fabulous shape and I don't want to show off those curves.

Belly Band bamboo wrap. I loved this thing when I had Makenzie.

Its suppose to shrink your tummy faster after you have your baby but I am not convinced it did that. but what it did do-- held my tummy in. After deliver my belly just felt gross and uncomfortable. It was a few days/weeks before I felt like my skin was back to normal and I just needed to loss weight. So wearing this was nice. It just held everything tight. It was comfy and I liked the support it also gave to my back. You are suppose to wear this the day you leave the hospital just about 24hrs a day for at least 6 weeks. When I had Makenzie I didn't fit into it for about a week after she was born and I only wore it 50% of the day/night. I am bringing it with me this time in case it will fit, I would like to wear it starting as soon as possible.

Toiletries

.shampoo

.conditioner

.toothpaste

.toothbrush

.mouthwash

.hairspray

.deodorant

.lotion

.body spray

.chap stick for ryan

.lip gloss for kendra

.comb

.hair ties, bobby pins, headbands

.wisps

These are all things essential for me. They will keep me happy and comfortable. I was glad when I could freshen up/shower/get ready after I had Makenzie. It made me feel a million times better.

-not pictured, flip flops for showering-

- Camera Bag -

Nothing extra special in here other than the camera, my charger and the SD card.

(still need to learn how to use this a little better)

- Pump Bag -

I wish I would have had this in the hospital with Makenzie. I didn't even think to bring it. In those first hours you are trying to feed your baby, trying to get the milk in and all of it seems like an impossible task. I was lucky that Makenzie was pretty amazing at nursing and latched on pretty good but my milk didn't come in until a few days after I got home from the hospital so while we were in the hospital we had to supplement with formula. I just think being able to pump can help get that milk flowing when baby is still learning how exactly to suck.

I am taking some of your advice on what to put in this bag.

The lansinoh and the medela tender care hydrogel pads.

The little breastfeeding book and the pads were used with Makenzie.

I have the Medela pump and it worked AMAZING with Makenzie so I hope I love it just as much this time around. It honestly was great at helping me build my storage supply. You hear how pumps can be painful and this was not at all. There was a few days I pumped instead of nursing because my nipples were hurting so bad. This felt better than actually nursing.

- Car seat is ready -

- Bags are packed and waiting -

- Last minute list of things to grab as we are rushing out the door -

and we are ready...

material wise, for this baby boy to come.

I am scared out of my mind for him to physically be here but I am sooo ready at the same time.

If he doesn't get here on his own before the 9th.

Ill be induced.

8 days.

8 days until I meet my son.

... sorry about the POOR quality of these pictures. It was late and the lighting was horrible. and my eyes are really messed up lately and I didn't realize how blurry everything was until it was huge on my computer ...