She is 4.

It's the same every year. Days. Weeks. Leading up to this day my mind can't get off July 18. What that day was. What emotions were filling that room. The moment we met. The moment we became a family. It's the best most beautiful memory I will ever have. The day my husband became a father. The day I became a mother. You gave us such a beautiful life my love. Thank you for coming to us. Thank you for choosing us. I can't imagine my life without this day.
Any parent knows that feeling. That moment where everything in the world stops. That moment your mind goes completely blank and focuses on that one thing. Your entire body is overcome with this warmth. The moment in between labor and the gross stuff after. That moment that in my mind seemed to last forever. It seemed to freeze. It's so clear in my mind. The moment you were no longer a day dream and a constant wonder of who you are. The moment you become my entire world. The moment my life drastically changed. Everything is right. Everything is good. And there is no denying how close The Lord is.
That moment you left heaven to brave this world. Where you knew what was to come and you still chose to come.
Makenzie rye thank you. Thank you for that moment. For giving me the very first breath you ever took. Thank you for your life. Thank you for teaching me. I am forever grateful to have you as my daughter. 
My love, tomorrow you will be 4. I have so many questions as to where you are, how are you, what are you doing, are you happy? Who are you with and what things have you learned? Are you 4 in heaven or just 4 here? Questions I wish I could ask. Questions I know I won't know the answer to for a while. 
What I imagine is you are surrounded with our family. Grandmas, grandpas, friends, uncles and my sister. You are ridiculously spoiled. You are loved beyond words. You are happy. You are with us when we need you. You are with your brother a lot. You smile. You dance. You move. And today all you see is balloons. You are with The Lord and he tells you again about how special this day is. He tells you what an amazing thing you did. That you were extra special. That you had a different light and so you were chosen. You are very special to The Lord. 

Happy birthday my sweet girl. I miss you. I wish I was celebrating with you. I wish I was giving you a party you could enjoy here. Not one you will observe from heaven.
You are so loved my girl. By so many people.
Dad and I are aching for you. Catch all our balloons and kisses.