Wednesday, May 8, 2013

We are getting closer to moving.

Next week everything we own. Everything we treasure. Every item in our house will be boxed up.
It will be put on a truck.
It will be moved 622 miles away.
To a place that is new. To a place we don't know. To a whole to beginning.
and I am scared.
I am scared to be away from my family.
I don't know what I am going to do not having my sister 2 minutes away.
I don't know what I am going to do being away from my mom.
I don't know what I am going to do being so far away from Makenzie.
I cant wait to be with Ryan again. To be together and not have to spend so much time apart.
but there is so much we are leaving here.
A house we have lived in for over 6 years.
Our first place.
We were so excited when we found it. We were just married and searching everywhere for a place to call home. I fell in love and said I would do anything to get it.
We have spent 6 years of our life here.
We experienced our first year of marriage here, our first real fight, our first party, our first pet, our first furniture purchase, our first stay-cation, our first house guest, our first major repair, our first summer vacation. We brought our first baby girl home here. We planned a nursery, we baby proofed, we rearranged everything to fit her stuff, we stayed up late, we got up early, we spent days out front, we rocked her, we slept next to her crib, we worried, we feared, we lost sleep here. Its where we lived the hardest days of our life. Its were we couldn't go upstairs, its where we cried in corners, where we spent days inside, where we hung pictures, where we stayed up all night watching videos of her. Its where we learned to live again. Where we learned how to love, grieve, communicate, grow, pray. Its where we went through really hard times. Its where we thought life couldn't get any worse. Its where we hit rock bottom. Its where we learned to find the good. Its where we crawled out of the dark hole. Its where we learned there was hope. That hope was on his way. We decorated her room for him. We made room for his things. We welcomed our son. Its where we experienced light, happiness and a whole different kind of love.
These walls have some of the most beautiful, most incredible days of our lives. They also hold some of the most painful and hopeless as well. It holds our life.
I am thankful for our home. For the beautiful life we have lived. I feel lucky to have been able to have found such a home and to have shared it with the loves of my life.
I am sick knowing it will no longer belong to us.
I am scared at what will come next.
I have to force myself to not curl up in the corner and cry for days.
Its hard.
but luckily the most important parts of this house are coming with me.
We will make a new home and I know it will be hard to leave there.
This house just holds the life of Makenzie.
I can still see her here.
Memories everywhere.
This will be hard.


Paige said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. This post almost made me cry because of all the old feelings that came back. There's a song out there, I'm sure you heard it. Its "The house that built me" by Miranda Lambert. I choke up every time I hear it, but it means so much to me! Just remember you have the memories from your house :-) Hold on to those memories. I know it's going to be hard to be away from your family. I only live 30 minutes away from mine, but it is still hard when you're used to them living so close. (hugs)

Unknown said...

Opening a new chapter in your life does mean another chapter is closing, but it doesn't mean it's gone from your memory! I know it's scary, I hope you'll make happy memories in your new place, Kenzie will always be with your family, no matter where you are! Hugs!


Michelle said...

You're right, you're taking the most important things with you. Including Mackenzie...she's in your heart and that goes with you no matter where you go. Thank God for modern technology and that it allows us to stay close to those we love. You'll miss your family but that will make the times you travel the distance to see each other that much more special. Good luck in your new home and on your new journey in life.

Alli E. said...

Beautifully written! I once heard the story of a person who lost all their journals in a house fire. Someone asked if he was sad about it. He said that through writing those journals he became himself and nothing could take that away. Even though you won't have the physical walls, you will always hold the memories in your heart and can keep inside yourself all the parts that made you you and your life yours.

glenda said...

I know too well what it is to move and pack it all up. You take the memories in your heart with you. I wish you only the best. The move will make you grow and make you stronger, and you will then appreciate your family even more.

Best to you, hubby and T in your new journey!


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