Leggings Pattern

I am so sorry to everyone that has emailed me about the leggings pattern that I have not responded to. I am overwhelmed with the support you are all showing. I will respond to you as soon as I get a chance but I wanted to get this pattern posted so you all have it. Now if you have a different pattern that you like better, great! They can be different. I have a couple different ones I want to try out that look super super cute.  Okay so here it is...

Baby Legs


 


Step 1. Find a fun pair of knee high socks. I buy all mine from Target.

Step 2. Cut off the heels and toes like so.


Step 3. Discard the heel & toes.

Step 4. Using the lower foot piece turn them inside each other wrong sides together. This will be the bottom cuffs.


Step 5. Now just place the leg pieces into each cuff like so.





Step 6. Then sew around using zig zag stitch. Make sure you sew all 3 layers. That is where I make all my errors.

Step 7. Turn them out the right way and you have a new pair of leggings or armlings.


Are these not the easiest, cutest things ever?!  They are so perfect for all those little kiddos at the hospital and we would love to collect as many as possible. It can be a little tricky the first few times you make them --- okay lets face it I have made hundreds and still have a little trouble at time --- but once you get the hang of it, they are so much fun.
Like I said there are tons of other patterns online. If these don't make sense or you want to make a different pattern that is NO problem. If you don't want to sew them that's fine as well. Send them to me and ill get them done!
We have hundreds thousands more to collect so if you can help in anyway we will be forever grateful.
Remember all leggings are being donated to the children's hospital in honor of Makenzie. 
For the address to send them to please email me and I will respond ASAP.






PS- I still have TONS of cookbooks. If you know anyone that would like one please give them the information. We have so many more to sell and I would love to share so many fun, yummy recipes with you all. They are from all over the world!

Picture Review

The last 2 months in pictures. 

Random.

Life has been a bit crazy but we are enjoying it the best we can every step of the way.

In no particular order

...

..

.

. lots of visits with the Mini, always something new .

. projects on the house- Ryan will improvise on how to get things done .

. snow storms and sundance .

. harley vs. the mini .

. new years .

. harley is getting older .

. considered moving to wyoming, decided not right now .

. new niece .

. first present for the baby .

. dance recitals .

. er visits .

. lunch dates .

. nap time .

. packing up our house which means playing on all those toys that have been put away .

. superbowl .

. endless hours in the bath .

. gender predictor clearly telling us we are having a BOY .

. movies .

Like I said we have been very busy. Some of those BIG decisions I have hinted about the past couple months have all pretty much been made. We were thinking about moving to Wyoming- going there looking at places but ultimately decided it wasn't the right time. Decided we are still going to be moving but we will be staying here in Utah for the time being. Ryan's starting school. I'm starting once again. I was all signed up for the spring semester but the move to Wyoming was looking pretty serious and if we went we would be going quick so I decided to wait and see where we are in the next couple months to decide what to do. This pregnancy is so completely different than with Makenzie which leaves me convinced this is going to be a little boy. I am sick- all the time. I still cant breathe and I am already starting to gain that belly. Ryan is busy at work. I am busy packing. Moving in was so much easier than moving out. I'm exhausted which leave me feeling pretty worthless around the house. Maybe sometime soon ill get that energy back. I do remember this with Kenzie. We are selling Ryan's truck. We have finally got it where its almost a brand new truck and we go and sell it. Guess that's how it always happens :) Lots of changes. Lots of improvements. Lots of things to look forward to.

Happy Days!

no fairytales

No lie...
I have now written 4 blog posts because I simply am not making any sense when writing.
I have been having a rough week. The regular pregnancy stuff is kind of annoying but I am not complaining. I feel like the all day sickness isn't as bad this week. I haven't thrown up the past 4 days now so in that sense I'm doing better and my breath smells fresher. I am still having troubles in the breathing area but thanks to you all and your awesome advice I think its something that just comes with pregnancy that I'm not used to and ill learn to live with it. My OB isn't to worried because its not getting worse. Its just not getting better. So he thinks its just all the hormone changes and told me to just relax whenever possible and limit to much activity where my heart rate increases as it makes it harder for me to catch my breath. We are hoping it eases with time but if not... As long as this baby is healthy I don't care.
The hardest part about this past week and well the past couple weeks is how much I am missing Makenzie.
I have said it a hundred times on this blog and about a million more times to myself but I have somewhere along the line convinced my heart that this baby was going to fix alot of the hurt I have. I think its more just my way of dealing and trying to make it seem like... when this happens then you will be happy... when all actuality that is not true. I know this child will bring mass amounts of joy into my life. I can only imagine how much more my heart will grow. How I feel about them already is unreal. but they are not fixing it. They are not my Makenzie. They will add to my life but they are not going to be filling in the holes. As much as I keep telling myself that, its like my heart doesn't want to believe it. Maybe its because its so broken that its grabbing onto anything for hope. I am getting frustrated and discouraged because I wanted this to be such an amazing time. I wanted to just be in another world knowing the thing I have been praying so hard for over the last year is now finally going to happen. and just have that incredible pure happiness that I experienced the day I saw that positive test. I think I expected that to last everyday, all day, for the rest of my life. Silly to think such a thing. No matter what- in life- its never going to be like that. No matter the bad you have been through, there will still be more bad. More hard times. More hurt moments. Its part of growing. Its part of continuing to learn. I can find good in everyday but I can also find bad. Life isn't going to suddenly turn around and be a fairy tale. I guess I just am having a hard time realizing that. Even this morning I just laying in bed crying. Looking at Makenzies picture thinking, oh life would be so perfect if she was here. I would go get her out of bed and lay with her. I would look into her eyes and we would just soak each other in all day. The sun would shine through the window and we would lay in silence with just the cute little sounds she would make. I would kiss her a million times and we would just enjoy our perfect life.
Isn't that how every one's days are?
If you have a child, isnt it just perfect all the time?
Okay you can laugh.
Even on the very best days with Makenzie there was spit ups, diaper changes, clothing changes, laundry to be done, rainy days where there was no sun, there was strange rashes, there was me feeling ill, or kenzie getting a cold. Even when life seemed perfect, it wasn't. It was life.
I kept thinking when I got pregnant I was going to just soak up every second. I was going to accept my changing body, I was going to indulge in all the things this baby craved, I was going to do some light work outs to keep both baby and I healthy, I was going to buy cute maternity clothes and then when we found out the sex I would dive into stocking this little babes closet.  Life was going to finally be how it should be...
again... you can laugh...
Already I am not loving the body changes. I started to sprout out early with Kenzie to and I just feel gross. I feel sick most of the time, I cant breath, I hate maternity clothes, I hate that my clothes are already starting to fit different, I hate how much all that baby stuff costs... and I cant feel the babe moving yet so I cant enjoy those little moments, but even then- if this child is anything like Makenize.. They will find themselves nuzzled right up in my ribs and try their best to break every single one of them every second of the day. and let me say that is not something that is part of how "life should be".
So here I go. Sad because I am not living in the movies with the perfect life and the perfect pregnancy and the perfect attitude and the perfect family. I am remembering once again that I am just Kendra. I am the mom to a beautiful little angel who I miss terribly and who I will have to wait a lifetime to see. I am the soon to be mom of a real miracle. A sweet little baby that will join our family but will give me plenty of adventures and no so perfect days. and I am the wife to a husband who literally is far to good for me but still has his own little quirks and wants to fix everything instead of just listening- and that really is what my life is about. and that's okay. I am always learning to live with it and stop fighting it. whats done is done and what is to come is in Gods hands.

Who needs to breathe?

Having a horrible time breathing = Spending our Thursday in the ER.
For about a week now I literally cant catch my breath. I have never experienced something like this. I am gasping for air constantly. It almost feels like a panic attack which I have experienced pretty much my whole life and I have been on anxiety medication for. But this is like a million times worse because it doesn't go away. From the time I wake up to when I go to bed. It hurts. My chest is aching. I finally gave in and called my OB on Thursday morning. He got really worried it was a blood clot so he said I needed to get to the emergency room asap. We had the mini but I didn't think it was going to be anything serious and so we took her thinking we wouldn't be there long. Ryan left work early and came to get me because trying to catch my breath leaves me super lightheaded and I was worried about driving.  We got to the ER and was there about 5 hours before they discharged me saying they didn't feel comfortable doing any tests on me since I was so early in my pregnancy and that they just thought it was anxiety.  We left and called my OB to update him on what they said. He got a bit upset that they wouldn't test me because the tests they needed to do to test me for a blood clot would do nothing to the baby. He said I needed to be seen and I should head to a different ER. We dropped the mini off at my sisters and headed to another ER. We got checked in much quicker and they started doing tests right away.  EKG and tons of blood work along with an IV. Geesh... Such a change from the other place. We waited and waited for the blood results. They finally came back and everything was normal. They called my OB and tried to figure out what to do. They finally had me leave and said to call my doctor the next day to figure something out. As long as it wasn't a blood clot I was fine to leave.  So after another 5 hours at the ER we were headed home. With no answers. I cant tell you how much I hate that. The whole day I kept telling Ryan the only thing I can think of is Makenzie. Thinking of how hard it was for her to breath and how I would take her from place to place having everyone say she is fine. I know you should trust your motherly instincts but I was so afraid I was over reacting. I mean how many hospital stays and specialist have to tell you everything is fine for you to start thinking your the crazy one and everything is fine. I have learned different for my child. Knowing I need to really listen to what my heart tells me and that I wont sit down ever if something feels wrong with this baby. But for myself. There is no motherly instinct. I know I cant breath very well and I know how I'm feeling but I walked out of both those ER visits feeling like I'm overreacting or something. Both ER doctors ended up saying anxiety. I just don't get it. I am on medication for anxiety and I feel fine. It doesn't come and go its constant. I have been looking online to see if there could be other answers. My sister told me about her friend who had pretty much every single symptom I have and she said it was something where when you get pregnant this hormone attacks your respiratory system and there is nothing you can do about it.  Have you heard of this? My OB hasn't but that doesn't mean anything. I'm wondering if anyone knows anything about this and if there is any advice to help. I feel so useless because it gets like a million times worse if I even stand up let alone start doing things around the house. I had to run to the grocery store yesterday and I thought I was going to die half way through. ahh...
Okay so I am not complaining and seriously if this is the worst that happens for the rest of my life I will be fine but it would sure be nice to know what is the cause of it and why its happening.
I have just been so worried this baby could be suffering but both ER doctors and my OB assured me the baby is fine. My stats all say I'm getting plenty of oxygen and my lungs are working great so the baby is doing fine. Thank God.
On a positive note... I have to say the morning all day sickness hasn't seemed near as bad since my focus is completely turned to just breathing :)

Little Bean

The first picture of the little bean.

I might be biased but he is the cutest most precious thing ever.

I honestly dont know what is better than hearing your childs heart beat for the first time.

Seeing life.

A life you created.

A very surreal, beautiful moment.

Seeing that little heart beating away.

Hearing the most amazing sound one could imagine.

Next to seeing that baby for the first time. Its definitely put on the books as one of the most incredible experiences you will ever have in life. especially when you know this little life. Is currently spending their days with the other half of your heart. Knowing my Makenzie knows her little brother or sister. Knowing she is with them. Knowing she will forever watch over them. Is the greatest blessing I could imagine right now.

He is doing fabulous. Measuring smaller than what they thought so we have a new due date.

September 22, 2012

I would have loved that date to get closer not farther but I'm definitely NOT complaining.

So technically I am not 7 weeks yet. Ill be 7 weeks Saturday.

...This is seriously taking forever...

Son of a gun. I'm trying to be patient but man alive I am just too damn excited.

Ryan wasn't able to make it to my apt. so I recorded the heartbeat. I cant stop listening to it.

Can anyone guess what my new ring tone is?

That's right... A whole lot of swoosh... swoosh... swooshing sounds. oh I love it.

--- and by the way I have no idea if this child is a boy or girl but I hate calling it an IT. So I'm going with my first instinct and calling it a boy. If he turns out to be a girl-- Ill gladly go back and change all those HE'S to SHE'S. No matter what they are I love them more than a million billion skittles already.

7 weeks!

How far along? 7 Weeks
Total weight gain: +1 lb.
Maternity clothes? None.
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: No complaints.
Best moment this week: Talking about baby names.
Miss Anything? Nope.
Movement: None.
Food cravings: The generic- super cheap chicken noodle soup- cold.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Super sick this last week. Starting early and going away around 1:00 pm. Then it comes back around 5:00pm lasting until bedtime.
Gender: Ryan thinks boy. I think boy.
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Sick.. Sick.. Sick...
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody :(
Looking forward to: Seeing BABY at our ultrasound tomorrow!

This week has been super emotional. I don't know what triggered it but I have been having some serious issues. I want to lay around and cry all the live long day. The reality that this baby is coming and that they are not Makenzie and that they will help in many ways... But they wont fix it. Makenzie is gone. She isn't coming back. and there is nothing I can do about that. I will never be the person I was 3 years ago. Being pregnant around the same time line as with Makenzie has been a little hard. Remembering what I was thinking and feeling then. Not knowing the things that would happen. Not even imagining them to be possible. The innocence. I was 21 years old when Makenzie was born. I cant believe that person was able to do all that she did. I look at myself now and how much I have grown. What is important in life. What has changed and I cant imagine that 21 year old me going through the sickness and death of a child. I didn't know anything. I didn't know how to prepare. I wasn't strong enough.
Here I am today and I still don't feel strong enough. Thinking there is no way I could ever do that again.  My Makenzie was the most beautiful gift I could have ever received in my life- she taught me how to love. Through her life and through her death. She made me a different person today.

I am scared. I am beyond nervous. I feel like I am doing this for the first time. Being a Mom. Being the type of Mom I need to be for this child. Before. I was a New Mom.
People would say-- Oh you will worry to much, be over protective, buy silly things that you will never use... You will learn alot by the time your second child comes along.... Now here they come. and I feel like a new Mom again. Not in all the same ways but in a lot of new different ways that I never even thought of before. Thinking about the ways to prevent this child from dieing. Thinking of ways to help them remember their sister. Worrying if ill remember how to do things. I forgot what foods you could and couldn't eat. I forgot different things that happen when your pregnant. I forgot the age you start feeding your child solid foods. I'm getting my baby books out and honestly feel I have never read them before. I am not only feeling like a first time mom, but at the same time I'm feeling like a old mom who is starting over after years of no babies. I have seen it begin and end. I have been there every step in between. I am scared of what will happen. I am scared of who I will be. As I have been thinking of that 21 year old becoming a first time mom I have been quickly reminded of that 22 year old that made the choice to end her daughters life. Fearing if that person was good enough. She didn't know anything. But there she was. and she lived through it. I lived through it. I have been praying that Makenzie forgives me for all the times I didn't do enough. For all the times I should have been a louder voice for her. Those moments that are forever engraved in my head. The hardest of hard. The darkest of dark. The moments where I prayed harder than I have or ever could pray. Pleading with God to help my child. Some of those moments I believe I did everything I could. Others, I wish I would have done more.
The only thing I know for certain about this next baby and that is the same as it was with Makenzie- I will never ever leave. I will never turn my back. I pray I have learned from what Makenzie has taught me. I pray I do better this time. I pray this child understands who they are and the kind of love I already have for them.
I would have given my life for Makenzie. and I will give my life to this bean.
In 231 days ill be a new mom- again- to an incredible life. and ill consider myself the luckiest Mom alive if they teach me just half of what Makenzie taught me.
Makenzie isn't coming back. This baby is coming into my life to help my heart grow. Not seal up that hole. Its going to be hard. Really hard. but through this baby ill be even closer to my Makenzie.

Cookbooks and Leggings

... Seriously morning sickness sucks!
Now that is off my chest lets talk about something more important.

I wanted to talk a little bit about my cookbooks and the leggings project.  I still have TONS of cookbooks. I don't think I have even sold half of what I ordered which means I have yet to cover the cost of just the books. argh. I based the number of books I bought off the number of pre-orders. I talked to a couple other people who helped me gauge how many to buy so that's how come I came up with a big number. Its mainly because you guys are all such amazing supporters who jumped right on the ball of ordering/pre-ordering your book! Thank you so much to everyone that has purchased one-- or more.  It means the world to me and I cant thank you enough. I hope I have caught up with all of you that for whatever reason didn't receive your cookbook. I have sent replacements and I hope and pray you got them. If not PLEASE email me!
livingformrw@hotmail.com. Send me your address and the date you purchased it and ill send you a replacement one ASAP! I am so so so sorry again for anyone that had an issue. I have talked to the post office seriously for hours and they cant tell me what happened to your packages. I have tracking numbers and delivery confirmations on everyone I send out now so there wont be any more issues :)
If you haven't purchases a cookbook I would love you for ever and ever if you did! Ryan and I are moving and would LOVE if we didn't need to move all those boxes that are piled in our kitchen.

The other thing I wanted to mention is Makenzie's Leggings Project.  I know some have had questions as to what this even is.  I started this 2 years ago in memory of Makenzie.  Since she was SO tiny and seriously didn't fit into hardly anything other than newborn clothes which the pants were floods on her I started having her wear a onsies and leggings which was perfect for her tiny self and I made every pair of leggings she had. After she got sick and was in the hospital it was always so cold in the PICU and she couldn't wear clothes because of all those machines so I would put the leggings on her to help keep warm. They ended up becoming more of a fashion statement and her doctors and nurses would drop by daily to see which pair she had on today.  I wanted to share this little bit of joy and love with all those other children at Primary Children's Hospital and make sure as many kids as possible could have their own pair of leggings. The first year we donated over 1800 pairs of leggings! They were gone within a few months. Everyone loved them. This last December we donated over 250 which I'm sure are already gone as well. My goal is to collect more than both years combined and donate 2000+ leggings this year.  I would love to collect at least 1000 by July to take up there so they can have some now but if not July I will be taking them all on December 13th (Makenzie's Angelversary).  To learn more about what leggings are and how you can help donate some please go HERE or HERE or HERE. You can also email me.  I have a standard pattern for leggings if you would like to make them yourself or you can send me the knee high socks and ill sew them for you or you can purchase them already made.  I have received a few pairs from some amazing people but I'm still well under 100 pairs so far. I know July is still 6 months away but wouldn't it be awesome to have them all collected before that so we can take them up sooner?!

I just wanted to share a very sweet note just I got from a PICU nurse about these leggings...

hi! I'm a nurse at PCMC and i just wanted to say how adorable and thoughtful your legging project is. We have quite a few babies up here with your leggings on. it brightens the room, adds cheer. it's also practical, we can still assess our little babies and it helps to keep them warm. THANK YOU! I'm sorry you've been through so much. thank you for being brave enough to put your story out there.

Isn't that amazing! YOU are all doing this. Its because of YOU and your incredible donations that so so SOOO many kids will have a smile on their face. THANK YOU so much to all of you that have donated, This year and through the past 2 years. I will forever be grateful for your endless support.

I hope you don't mind I am asking for more help. I feel that's all I do sometimes. I promise I'm trying to make a difference. I hope I am giving back half as much as what I have been given. We are so blessed and I thank GOD almost hourly for everything we are blessed with.

Dream?

I fear. The life that is growing in me will only last so long. Will they really be strong? Will it breath it's first breath? After that how many breaths will they take? The fear is overwhelming. Trying to plan life fearing how long we will have. I find myself gadgeing her 4 months 3 weeks and 4 days with this life. When will that be. Will 4 months 3 weeks and 5 days exist? We did all we could to get them here safe. Healthy. But a million things could happen. Or maybe it will be some fluke thing. They will be sick too. I am ill. Neausous. Wanting answers. Wanting a promise. Knowing I'll never get any of it. I'll get what I get. There is nothing I can do. But pray. And praying I am. I have been so frustrated with my brain. Forgetting. I'll rememer the dumbest thing about the 3rd grade but I forget some of the sounds makenzie would make. I need her. I will always need her. I stare at her pictures. Her perfect face. Imagining that day. Her. The sounds and smells. I want everything to stop. I want to go back. Go back to her. Give me a day. A moment. I would give anything. I would give anything for just a dream. A god damn dream. To go back. Why can't I get that? The last dream I had of her was almost 2 years ago. What the hell. Don't I deserve a dream? Just a minute to hold her? To tell her how much I love her? To tell her that I miss her more than she could ever imagine. To make sure she is healthy. Happy. That she is smiling. That she knows I have always wanted her. That I am living for her. I am tired of just talking to her and hoping she hears. I just want a dream. To know she hears me. I want to curl in a ball. Cry. Scream. And beg for a dream. I ask every night. I need to have a moment. I need her. I want a 2.5 year old running around. I want the life she gave me. I miss her. I feel like I can't breathe. I can't see. I am trying to live. Live with this. But it's so hard. It hurts. It's everyday. It's every hour. It's every minute. Living life without her. The empty room. The silence. The heavy arms. No story times. No kisses. No bath time. I pray this new baby gives me a life. And that their lifetime doesn't end before mine. I pray through them. I'll remember makenzie more.

6 weeks

How far along? 6 Weeks

Total weight gain: -1.5 lbs. Not trying to lose weight but not totally complaining since I know ill gain a hefty amount by September.
Maternity clothes? None.
Stretch marks? I have a few lotions are oils that have been recommended so I hope they help keep this answer to NO new ones.
Sleep: I could sleep all day.
Best moment this week: Ultrasound.
Miss Anything? I was wishing I we could go out for sushi the last few days.
Movement: None.
Food cravings: Sushi and spicy cheetos. 
Anything making you queasy or sick: Morning and evening times.
Gender: Ryan thinks boy. I think boy.
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Sleepy, nauseous in the morning and evening. Puked twice now.
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! 
Looking forward to: Seeing BABY at our ultrasound next week!




We had our ultrasound today and things went okay. Because they knew the day of conception they were certain of my due date. Well apparently sperm can live like 36 hours or something so I might not have actually got pregnant on December 27. They could see a little sac in my uterus but couldn't find a heartbeat. So we will be going back February 1st to get the ultrasound done again so the baby will for sure be over 6 weeks. They were thinking it was measuring around 5 weeks 5 days. Close but those 2 days make a world of difference. 
and about twins... They are not sure. There could be 2 babies in the actual sac but the tech only saw one sac so the chances are slim of multiples. Although that would be amazing and so much fun. I am so over the moon thankful for 1 sweet little bean. I am anxious for next week to hear that heart beat and see it beating away. I am hanging on until next week. I have to document that the full bladder before an ultrasound is literally torture. HOLY HELL. Okay let me drink a few cups of water and another couple water bottles on the ride over then be told to sit in the waiting room for over an hour. Then be called back to have some chick shove a doppler through your abdomen into your spine smashing your bladder. I tinkled a little. Ill be honest. and I get to do it all over again next week. BUT seeing that baby is totally worth it. 

Currently In Love:

Ryan: camo, under armor hoddie, naps, swamp loggers, spicy noodles, hot baths, dreams of hunting season starting in 7 months.

Kendra: The movie PS I love you (I have watched 3+ times in 3 days), ice water, nail polish, dreams of a vacation, pinterest, new sheets.

Harley: bacon flavored treats, snuggling with mum, running in the snow, baths, toilet water.


So much we are looking forward to.
* a new niece
* seeing OUR baby on the ultra sound tomorrow. lets take bets. who thinks there is more than 1?
my vote is 1 but ryans vote is 2
* valentines day. only for the fact i have a whole vday themed menu planned (thanks to pinterest)
* snow storms
* getting a baby bump
* starting to plan a nursery
* super bowl party
* date nights
* painting our bedroom
* getting our back yard put back together finally after the wind storm
* little brothers wedding

we are so lucky to have so much in our lives. we are truly blessed.

Q&A --- Answers

    1.   What names have you and Ryan been considering for that new cutie pie?

When we were thinking of names for Makenzie I would say on several occasions that picking the name was one of the worst parts about a new baby. I was so paranoid about picking the “wrong” name. I mean if the name Makenzie wouldn’t have come along she probably would have been named Zoey. Not that I don’t love Zoey- but she was definitely NOT a Zoey. Anyway… this time around, its actually been kind of fun. Maybe because we are so early in the process. We will see how it goes in 8 months. The names we LOVE are the same names we have LOVED for a couple years now.

Boy Names:  Jax, Ryder and Cash

Girl Names:  Ella, Macey, Raylee and Ryann

I wouldn’t be surprised if we use none of these names but we will see J

     2.   Are you planning on doing any Genetic testing to see if this child is a carrier of SMARD?

So we wont be doing any Genetic testing while I am pregnant this time.  After the baby is born we will be testing the baby for SMARD- which is done with a simple blood draw. The only reason I want to do that is because I am extremely paranoid. We were not able to have the sperm donor tested for SMARD so we cant be 100% certain he isn’t a carrier.  To be a carrier the odds are 1 in 50,000 and then it’s a 1 in 4 chance the child will even have the disease. Now I know that has already happened… TWICE… but I feel we have done everything possible to protect this baby. To get them here safe and healthy. The reason we are testing the child after they are born is to first confirm they are SMARD free so that if the odds are in our favor and the baby is sick—we can get the proper help as soon as possible. The other reason is to test the baby to see if they are a carrier for SMARD so they know their risks when they grow and become a parent someday.

    3.  How are you when pregnant? Do you have good health usually or do you get really sick?

I got a little sick with Makenzie. I threw up only a handful of times (usually when I brushed my teeth) but for the most part I felt fine. I have no idea how this round will go but so far I cant complain. Other than today- I have been puking my guts out! Blah.

4. Do you color your hair or highlight/lowlight?

I wish I could have cute hair all the time. This totally made my day because I sure don’t feel like it. I have never been one to get my hair done all the time. I wish I could but I am to broke to do it. The last 3+ years the only time I have cut or colored my hair has been when I get a gift card from someone. This last time the amazing girl that does my hair put some bleach and caramel in as well as some big chunks of violet.  My hair doesn’t hold color very well (even when I have the most expensive hair care products) so the violet has turn more red.  The next time I do it I think ill do more blonde. Its better for grow out and I don’t have to color it as often. Even though I only get my hair done twice a year.

    5.  Question...did you get my email? I ordered some Baby Legs and want to send them to you to donate to PCMC but don't know if you want me to send them to you (you are still doing your little project, right?), or if I should take the to the hospital and donate them in MRW's name.

I think I responded to your email. If you didn’t get a response than no I didn’t get it. Sorry! But the answer is YES we are doing the leggings project. This year I want to surpass the last 2 years, which means we need over 2000 pairs of leggings! We NEED help. We NEED donations. If you want to sew the leggings yourself ill send you directions on how to do it or you can send me the leggings and ill do it! You can also buy already made leggings. They are everywhere. Babylegs.com, target, Wal-Mart, any baby boutique. If you have any questions about this project please let me know. I would love to collect 1000 by July and get them to the hospital then because they go through them SO FAST. They really are being used and loved and wanted!

     6.  I have a question that I have been dying to ask. It's about SMARD. I don't remember for sure, but I thought you said that both you and your husband are carriers of the gene. What are the chances of your baby having SMARD when you use donor sperm?

Ryan and I both tested positive as carriers for the SMARD mutation.  In order for the possibility of someone to have SMARD both parents need to be carriers.  We didn’t get the sperm donor tested but the odds of him being a carrier is 1 in 50,000. SUPER RARE.

       7.   Did they have you take clomid or anything like that to increase your changes of getting pregnant and if so, what is the chance of having multiples? Also, I'm nervous to ask you this because I don't want to seem insensitive and I know you don't care if it’s a boy or a girl, but what are your thoughts on the subject. Do you think one or the other will make you miss Makenzie more? Sorry, I know you will always miss her, but I was just curious.

I was not on Clomid or any medication to help me get pregnant. My doctor felt I didn’t need any extra help and thought I would get pregnant within the 3 vials. He was right! We had talked and if I was to order more vials and move onto vial 4, 5 and 6 he would have put me on Clomid.

I have thought about if a boy or if a girl would be harder. At first I said a girl. Then a boy. Now I honestly have no idea. I think because we knew we wanted this child so much and in order to get them here we went on a different route I have pretty much become numb to the thought of one or the other. I think if we have a girl, using some of Kenzie’s things will be really hard but I have already decided this baby or any baby will never wear any of the clothes Kenzie wore. They can wear clothes she never grew into but I don’t think I would be able to handle seeing another little love in something that was just hers. I honestly have no idea though. I hope I continue to see what an incredible blessing this bebe is and that every inch of them will have Makenzie in it and that is a GOOD thing. NOT a hard or bad thing. Hope that makes sense.

      8.  I have what might seem like an odd question and I hope it isn't rude, but what do you do with all of the stuff that you buy for Makenzie all the time? All the books and decorations and such. I think it is so beautiful that you continue to celebrate your daughter, but wondered about that.

I love getting Makenzie things here and there. It makes me feel like I can still DO something for her. With her books… I write the reason and date she got it. Like “Halloween 2010”. And it goes in her bookcase to be read by anyone.  For little toys I will either put them into the toy bin for others to play with or Ill put them in her dresser that is full of things that is JUST HERS.

      9.  If you end up having a girl, will you incorporate any part of Makenzie's name into this baby's name?

Ryan and I talked about this but I think we both have said no. Only because we are so obsessed with her name and keeping it her name. Down the road we might feel different but as of now I don’t think we will. I don’t even want their initials to be the same. MRW is definitely her.

      10.  Question: I know MRW is in Heaven because of SMARD, but will you take extra precaution against SIDS, like no bumpers or at least breathable ones, Angel care monitor etc.

This has been a big thing I have been doing some research on as well as quite a bit of other safety precautions.  Before Makenzie passed I knew of maybe 1 or 2 families that lost their child. Now—there are way to many. Seeing how easy it can happen. How the littlest thing you don’t even think about can take your child’s life! I have been doing a lot of research on SIDS, Child proofing your house, Vaccinations for both Ryan and myself and for the baby as well as lots of other things.  Now I know there really is only so much I can do. There is no way I can protect this child from everything, which totally gives me major anxiety, but it also humbles me to know God really does have his hand in everything.  I’m sure many of you know my sweet friend Kellie. She gave tons of great tips on SIDS safety on her blog and has also given me some other tips to make the room as safe as possible. She is amazing. I love her. We have some things we are for sure doing so far but I will keep you up to date what things we are going to do.

       11. Where did you grow up and how did you and Ryan meet and get engaged?

Ryan and I both grew up in Utah. We went to West High School together. We first met when I lived with my sister and brother in law. He lived down the street from them and we would see each other at church.  Ryan would make fun of my clothes so I hated him. We are 3 years apart so he was a senior and I was a freshman. We both remember each other and remember different occasions of running into one another but there was nothing between us then. After I graduated Ryan found me on MySpace (romantic right) and asked to hang out. For the next year we dated but it was nothing serious. Ryan popped the question out of the blue one day. August 27^th. His family had a little birthday party for me and his parents gave me a fishing pole and he gave me a tackle box.  Inside the tackle box was tons of fishing stuff and a little piece of paper. I open the paper and a ring falls out. He wrote a beautiful note asking me to be his wife. Everyone was staring at me. I couldn’t talk. I walked over to Ryan hugged him and he had to then ask if that was a yes J We decided to get married that November 16^th. What was so right about Ryan and I? We both came from such different backgrounds but we both came together knowing how important marriage is. That it’s not something to take lightly. We knew we would do everything to work together and to make “us” work. The first year wasn’t horrible but it was hard. The second year was really really HARD. But we worked hard together. There were times we both wondered if we make the right choice. Then came our little Makenzie. She changed our life more than we could have ever imagined. Her life. and her death. We knew we were a team and only we could get through this together. We were told so many times that the death of a child would make or break you. Let me tell you I can absolutely see how it could break you. It’s the most traumatic, horrible experience of your life and you now have to try and deal with all those emotions with someone else who most likely doesn’t feel the same things you do at the same times. But we survived. We are continuing to live. And we are doing it together.

Now that was a really long explanation as to how we met and got engaged. Sorry J

         12. My question for you is you going to find out the gender(s)? You going to still try and move?

Yes we will find out the gender of the baby. I think it would be fun to wait but I know I never could. I am far too anal to wait. I need to have everything done before they get here. And plus I’m just far too excited to wait longer.

We still want to sell our condo. It’s been on the market for over a year now. We were thinking of renting it out and making it somewhat of a property investment but I honestly would rather just sell it. We are just taking it one step at a time and we will see what happens. I hate the in between right now though.

Thank you all SO much for asking these questions. It was fun to do and I hope I answered them good enough. 

Love...