1. I've always wondered how you get so much time with "mini"? Where are her parents and are you the full-time nanny? She is lucky to have an aunt like you!
Like I have mentioned before the mini is my niece. She is the sweetest girl and we love her to pieces. We love having her around so whenever we get the chance we take full advantage. My brother is her Dad and he and his wife are definitely around.
2. Are you and your husband LDS?
Ryan and I are not apart of any particular religion. We are very spiritual and believe in most everyone elses Christian views but we don’t associate ourselves with any one religion. This has been a source for some not so nice comments and emails from people. The only thing I want to say about anything regarding the way we live our life and how others think we should live our life--- mind your own business.
And that should go for anyone. I don’t care what particular religion you are or what you believe… NO matter what you have the right to live the way you believe is right and no one else should say its right or wrong. I'm sorry but I cant believe some of the ignorant comments that have been left and we are not associated with the religion they are accusing us of being bad examples of. So that makes me really upset at the things people are saying to another who really is an active member of any religion. It honestly makes me laugh because you sound absolutely ridiculous. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. You act like everyone should live an exact way just because they believe a certain thing. I respect everyone and their beliefs. Whether I agree or not I would never say you are WRONG because you're not. Ryan and I live our life day to day. We make choices based on prayer and what we feel is right for us. We would never say the decisions we have made is right for everyone else.
3. I hope this is not to personal, but you are a pretty open girl so I am not too concerned I will offend you! :) Have you and your husband taken measures to be SURE you will not get pregnant with his sperm again? What would happen if you conceive by accident?
Also, would you consider an egg donor and your husbands sperm, or is this much more complicated and expensive?
I understand this is a questions some might wonder about but it honestly made me laugh. I guess I find it funny because I cant believe someone would actually ask this. I wont really get into it because I think that’s very personal but I will just let you know we are very aware of the risks and we know how to prevent a pregnancy.
As for using a donor egg in the future. Its definitely something we are open to. It is much more invasive and expensive so for right now we are just taking things one day at a time. If we feel that is the right way to go at some point, I am all over it.
4. I remember you mentioning, or hinting at, during your childhood you were in the system at some point? Is this correct or did I misread something?
If this is too personal, I totally understand! But for some reason, I had this thought that you grew up with several siblings and then didn't have parents or were taken away from them, and then I was confused when you spoke of your mother more recently!
I love your blog. LONG time reader, Longer time Pray-er! :-) I appreciate you taking the time to do a Q&A... it makes us not feel so intrusive when the blog owners take a little time out once in a while to sort of "dialogue" with their readers!
It is true my little brother and I were in the system. This area of my life isn’t necessarily private because anyone who knows me knows about this but I just haven’t found it a topic to talk about on here. My little brother and I were put in foster care when I was 13 and he was 11. My incredible older sister and her husband gained custody of us and we lived with her for sometime. My Mom then got back custody of us and we lived with her until we moved out as adults. I have an amazing relationship with my Mom. She is one of the most incredible people I have ever known. What she has been through in life is unimaginable.
I don’t have any relationship with my father.
5. First of all I would like to say that I think that you are amazing. You are honest, and a perfect example of a mother's love.
You are also so caring, brave and unselfish to open yourself up to questions from strangers or others who read your blog. It is inspiring to see/ read about someone that is so genuine.
My question is about SMARD. I am wondering if your miscarriage was a result of the disease or was it just like many miscarriages -- unknown cause?
I pray and hope that you will get pregnant and have a beautiful baby soon. The world needs more mothers like you in this world.
Although SMARD is not what took our Gracie, It would have ended up killing her at some point in her life. I believe Makenzie couldn’t stand to see her little sister live the life she did so she made sure she never had to leave heaven.
6. Kendra, you are such a doll. So sweet and open and fiercely loving. I have really been blessed by reading your blog and most of all I have loved getting to know and love your sweet baby girl. You had inspired me as a Mommy!!!
I have one question I've wondered for a long time... Do you have a particular faith or church you belong to?
Oh I guess one more- do you have siblings? Thanks for being so open... I have to say I don't think I'd quite want to answer ALL the questions people emailed me because sometimes its just too personal and irrelevant. Much love and hugs!
I think I already answered the religion question but just to clarify we are not apart of any one religion. If someone asks us what our religion is… I say “Christian” and Ryan says “I believe in God.” We don’t go to church but we sure pray a lot J I know there is a God. I know heaven is real. I know my Makenzie is safe and is not alone somewhere. I believe what is in my heart and the good I do in life is what God will judge me on. That is what makes you a good person in my eyes. I strive to be better everyday. To help someone else. No matter how big or small.
And about siblings…
We have a few J
Ryan has 1 sister.
I have 6 sisters and 3 brothers.
I should take this opportunity to tell you about each of my siblings because they are all so important and special to us. We love them all more than anything and we couldn’t imagine our lives without them. I love each and everyone of my 7 sisters and 3 brothers J
7. I just recently stumbled across your blog and have only been reading for a little while, but I wanted to tell you that I have been blown away by your bravery and honesty. Although you didn't choose to deal with such a staggering loss, you have chosen to survive it in a very graceful and admirable way. So thank you for putting your journey out there -- I know it's probably more for healing purposes than for your readers, but I find it very inspiring.
My question is a maybe-too-personal one, so please feel free to ignore it. I am wondering how you came to decide on the way in which you will be continuing your family? I ask because I have been through the whole IVF thing, and I was wondering if it was more a philosophical or a practical decision to avoid IVF/PGD? I had different issues but similar options, and went a different way, so I was just curious how you came to a decision on that.
--Jennifer
As you might remember we initially decided we were going to adopt. We weren’t sure how or when but that is what felt right at the time. It wasn’t just a couple weeks later Ryan and I had the idea of a sperm donor presented to us. Before this we had always said we didn’t feel we would ever choose that route. For some reason this time when it was brought up… We knew it was what we had to do. I am not sure exactly what happened for us to change our minds pretty much overnight other than the feeling. We are doing IUI in order to get pregnant with the donor sperm which is much less invasive than IVF. My doctor didn’t think IVF was necessary. So far I have been lucky enough to not have much of an issue getting pregnant so he believes IUI is the best thing for us.
8. Hi Kendra, I come across you blog from reading Ashley Sulengers Blog. I want to tell you I have shed many tears from the both of you! You both are amazing ladies I just want to be your friend!! I love people like you that can be real and be yourself. I live in So. Utah and have 5 little kids, and after reading your blogs I appreciate each and every day I spend with them. So thank you so very much for teaching me to be the best mom I can be! My question for you is, I have a friend a really good friend that lost her little girl 6 years ago. She was handicapped and died after a surgery at her home in her moms arms. Anyway, my question is how can I still let my friend know I am always thinking about her and her loss? Or do I?? I am not sure if I should bring up this sensitive subject with her just to let her know I am hear for her?? Because in September (the month she passed) is my friends hardest month she struggles every year. Help please.
Thank you sooo much for asking this question. It is soo important to anyone who losses someone but especially a parent that loses a child. The biggest fear is for the world not knowing who they were or for people to forget. No matter how big or small a comment or action, anything that someone does that lets me know they remember or are acknowledging Makenzie is HUGE. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it might not seem like the right time but honestly its always the right time. I am sure if your friend is anything like me, her thoughts are consumed with her daughter. No matter how good a day or what I am doing, My thoughts are ALWAYS on Makenzie. Thinking how it would be if she was here, thinking what she would be doing, wearing, saying… I can understand that it might seem really awkward or even forced to say something at times but I would rather hear that forced comment than no comment at all.
I hope my MIL doesn’t mind me saying this but the other day she was talking to me and told me that when she woke up that morning, knowing she was going to spend the evening with her girls, she was going to pretend someone was Makenzie just for the evening.
This might seem silly or odd to some but it meant the world to me. To know she misses Makenzie that much. That she wishes she was here to. That she imagines her life with Makenzie in it. It was about having that physical connection with someone and pretending that someone is our Makenzie.
I would say to you, in order to help your friend… Just say her daughters name, keep a picture of her in your house, send her a birthday card, give her a Christmas ornament reminding her of her little girl, ask to hear stories, ask to see pictures, just say something. Believe me--- I know its hard. I have trouble knowing what to say to someone. You want to help and you want to make things better but there is nothing that you can say that will change anything. But saying nothing makes things worse.
Ignoring what they are living is not okay.
9. All I want to know is if you will do Q&A's once in a while? Not so much making a post to specifically ask for questions, but once in a while going through recent comments and doing a post? Thanks for doing this!! It really does help to have a dialogue with someone who's life you peer so personally into on an almost daily basis! Oh I do have another question... Do you think you'll do Kenzie days for ever or did you plan to stop at a certain point? I think you do them every month on/around the day of her birth, no? Does your extended family always participate? Do you ever feel like anyone doesn't want to? Lastly: does the balloon shop have a special discount card for you guys since you're there so much!! I'm certain you could buy stock in balloons and keep the stock high yourself! I love it and I know MRW does too! J
I will definitely need to start keeping up on my comments. I appreciate everyone of them. I guess I just didn’t realize the dialogue back and forth was so important but seeing your side… HELLO it totally is… I'm sorry!
As for Kenzie Days… So this time last year we thought okay we might end it and just have it the first year kind of thing. It wasn’t just a few days into January and I knew I had to do it again. I wasn’t ready to have it end. For me its my most favorite day. A day I have to plan something in honor of Makenzie every month. I would do it everyday if I could. When we started Kenzie Day’s it was amazing. I have a big family and it was hard to get everyone together. I would go months and months without talking to some of my siblings. With Kenzie Day--- It gives everyone a chance to get together. It’s the same every month and I try to do new and fun things. For me it’s a win win… We do it on the 13th because I knew that would be the worst day for the rest of my life. The 13th is the day my Makenzie took her last breathe. So I wanted to make it a day to celebrate her instead of a day I would ache without her. For the past 2 years only our immediate family has come. We wanted to keep it small and more intimate. I still don’t know what we are going to do next year. I have a feeling I wont be able to say goodbye yet. We will see… and over the past 2 years a couple people have stopped coming. Life is so busy and things get in the way so its nothing that I am upset about. I sure miss them but Its always been something that is there but I don’t want anyone to feel they HAVE to come. Only that they WANT to. Ill be stuffing my face with food and partying the night away no matter what so I'm good with anything.
And for Balloons J
I wish I had like a frequent buyers card or a credit card that earned me balloon points. That would be awesome!! I am a little obsessed with balloons especially finding new ones that I haven’t used before. I am always searching stores and online. I buy a lot of my balloons wholesale so they are a bit cheaper- however it just means I have A LOT of the exact same one. I usually get my helium tanks anywhere I see one. I try to just pick one up any chance I get just so I always have one on hand. I am telling you there are more nights than not where I just need to send my girl a balloon of kisses.
10 I do have a question, do you facebook? I would love to follow you there too. :)
I do have facebook… I don’t post much at all so don't expect much excitement from me. Its pretty much just the same as this blog but there are a few more pictures from time to time. If you want to be friends just ask! I will gladly accept you. Sometimes its easier to chat through there than through the blog or emails.
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I hope all my answers made sense. I know with some of them I was a bit vague and its just because somethings should be a little more private. Like just between Ryan and I private. I am so thankful for everyone who asked a question though. It means a lot that you would care about us to want to know more. That you want to help our crazy life and give advice. I hope my answers didn’t come off to brash or rude. Nothing was directed at anyone. More just wanting to make sure I get my point across. Thank You all sooo much again for asking. If you want me to do more of these just let me know. I know questions come up all the time and Ill try to do better at responding to comments. Please just know we love them so much and treasure each and everyone of them. I promise you are helping me get through this life somewhat alive ;)
