Thank you for your questions both here and through email!
Do you ever go back and read your blog
posts and regret anything you have said?
This blog
started out as a way to update about our life. Keep track of what we have done.
It then turned into my journal. Something I treasure. I turn my blog into a
book at the end of every year. This is something I will save forever. Something
my children will be able to read and see the path we have walked. I don’t
regret anything I have ever said. I might wish I had made different choices in
life but not what I have said about it because those were my feelings. Those
were my emotions and if I wouldn’t have been honest- I might not remember when
I look back on those moments in life.
I have noticed that you are really
transparent with your feelings. How do you decide what to share on your public
blog and what not to share? I often want to write (On my blog) about some tough
issues, but I fear that I will be judged and misunderstood. Any suggestions?
I honestly wish
I could just have kept this blog up and not needed to get a second. I love
sharing everything about my life and being very open and honest. The main
reason I had to start a separate blog was because I was sharing A LOT of
information about Tracker. I don’t mind who knows what about me and I try not
to care about negative opinions others have with me. But when it came to
Tracker. That’s a whole different story. I honestly couldn’t keep sharing so
much of him so openly for his safety. I wanted to still blog about him because
I don’t keep up on my scrapbooks or hand written journal very regularly and I
didn’t want to forget anything about all these amazing stages of his life.
Starting a separate blog has let me do that. I will start blogging here more
often but not as much about Tracker.
I think you
should only share what you are comfortable with. I have written several blog
posts that I never posted. There is a whole different side to my life before
getting married that I rarely talk about. It’s so hard to let people into your
world because no matter who you are or what you do, someone is against you. It’s
so silly and so unnecessary. I don’t understand it. I wish I knew who some of
these people were and that I could really see into their world but honestly
those are the people who would never share their life because they are not
honest and genuine. Their world is not perfect and they are probably doing a
lot of things they don’t like so they feel bad about themselves. That’s what I
have to keep reminding myself when I get a nasty gram.
BUT I think if
you are willing to let people into your life. Hear your story. You will meet
some amazing people, you will relate and friends will be made. I have built
relationships through this blog that ill have for a lifetime. I wouldn’t ever
change that. I am all for putting it all out there and letting your blog be
your therapy.
(Let me know
about your blog because I would love to read)
My question may have been answered
and/or on the blog but I've looked for posts related to your pregnancy with the
2nd baby and I can't find them. :( Also, are y'all LDS TOO?
I didn’t blog
much about our second pregnancy. I did 1 post. That post was to express
feelings that I needed to get out. That time in both Ryan’s life and mine was
extremely difficult. We were going through a lot both with grieving Makenzie,
going through an unplanned pregnancy where our second child was sick as well as
some really bad things happening in our home life as well. That time was so
hard. After I talked about our baby Gracie (which is what I still call her,
even though we didn’t know if it was a boy or girl) and hearing the extremely
hurtful comments and emails people left. I chose not to share anything more
relating to that. People made assumptions, people made judgments. and what’s so
sad is no one really knows or understands or has the entire story unless you
are a select few. I will not give anyone the time of day to explain myself as
to what happened. It was such a personal experience. Even more so than when
Makenzie passed. Ryan and I were the ones in the middle of it and we have
chosen to keep it that way.
We are not
active LDS members. We both grew up in the church but have since left. We have
strong beliefs in God and Jesus Christ and we live our life based on what we
think is right and wrong. It has taken a while but we are both very comfortable
in our spirituality. It might sound strange to some but our views are not
exactly the same. There are several big things Ryan believes that I don’t and
vise versa. But this is an area we are very respectful of the other person and
would never push the other to believe or do something different.
Will you build a memorial close to
your new home?
When I have told
people this they think I am crazy but I have looked into the cost of moving
Makenzie. and seriously it’s unbelievably expensive. We were told it would cost
$10,000 just to open the grave. That is not moving her, buying a new plot and
burying her again. Seriously its crazy. We won’t be building something here in
Washington but we will have an area in our home that is for her. Her pictures,
a few of her things and that way we can decorate it each holiday.
I was wondering how you decided who
you would have on your new blog. Is it just family/close friends?
Email me if you
want to read our new blog :)
livingformrw@hotmail.com
With you guys moving, is there
anything you plan on doing to make up for not being able to visit her as often?
I will be
sending items for my family to take to her all the time. We are so lucky that
we have so many people who are willing and wanting to visit her and make sure
her spot is taken care of. We will make it a point to always go back during her
birthday and angel day as those are big days for me to be there.
This year we
have to work Ryan’s time off work around everyone that has already scheduled it
off so unfortunately we wont be there on her birthday (which I have shed
several tears about) but we will be there 2 days later and we will have a
birthday party and everything for her. We will for sure be back in December for
her angel day though.
How do you make Trackers baby food?
I have received
so many emails about making baby food. Honestly I don’t know what I am doing. I
have read a couple books and I am just winging it. I started feeding him around
4 months. I wanted to wait longer but I was desperate. I was hoping that would
help with his sleeping and not eating like a horse every hour. (It didn’t
really help) but I didn’t start with the typical schedule. Rice/Oatmeal-
Veggies- Fruit- etc.….
His first ever
meal was oatmeal but I quickly started in on the most colorful food out there.
Yams, red potatoes, squash, avocado… etc.. I wanted him to have as much variety
as possible. I have used the crap out of that little mesh thing that you can
stick whole pieces of food in. I use spices in everything. I don’t stay away
from spicy or sour. But I do watch him close when I give him something new. So
far he has not had any reactions. I haven’t given him anything with nuts, diary
(other than Grandmas sneaking him ice cream) or red meat.
I had given him
that Gerber juice but then read they shouldn’t have juice until age 2?! Errr..
I don’t really want to wait that long. I understand it’s because of the sugar
so I decided to just make my own. It’s more of a super thin smoothie but it’s
all fresh fruits or veggies and I don’t add anything but maybe a little water.
I have tried to steer
away from giving him a bottle of milk when he is going to sleep. Of course I
used to but recently was told it’s really bad for their teeth and ears. I had
no idea. He will still fall asleep sometimes while getting a bottle but I try
to give him water when I know he is going to sleep. But I also limit the amount
of water he gets. Geesh. This all sounds so complicate but I promise its not. I
honestly don’t have the time to make a big fuss when it comes to food. But I do
my best to give him the best options and variety appropriate for him. I go off the
Mums instinct more than anything. If I don’t feel right about it, I don’t do
it.
