Tuesday, December 1, 2009

heaven

over the last couple weeks i have unfortunately thought a lot about heaven. although I'm still praying everyday to let my baby grow old with me, i have faced the reality that its not about the future anymore, it about today and this moment. however, sitting in a hospital room with your child hooked up to machines your mind can wonder, esp in this hospital in the PICU.

i think many of us have a different idea what heaven looks like or will be like. for me and for my daughter, its full of bright colors. its full of country songs and people dancing around. there are lots of dogs to give everyone kisses, the beds are like balls of cotton. everyone is happy, we all run around without losing energy. the weather is perfect, you are never hot or cold, you are never unhappy. you can eat anything you want, there is not feeding tubes or breathing tubes. your never in pain. you never fall down when you are playing. you can have all the barbies you could ever dream of. you could spend a whole day just snuggling your baby. there are balloons around every corner for you to have. you can yell and scream in joy. their are jungle gyms and you can spin around on the bar all day. you can play hop scotch. you draw on every inch of the ground with chalk. you can do anything you want.

someday when makenzie isn't strong enough to keep fighting, i hope she is able to have all that and more. i hope she will be able to run, jump and climb. i hope she will never feel pain or fear again.

yesterday was a hard day in the picu. some beautiful little angels went to heaven. we knew one of those little angels and the last few days have cried with their family. it was a moment i wish no parent would ever have to experience. i cant stop thinking about those families. what they must be feeling. i will keep praying everyday and ask everyone else out there to pray for them as well.

3 comments :

Doreen G. said...

Kendra, you are an amazing, strong woman! Our thoughts and prayers are with you always. I cannot begin to understand what you are going through, but we wish you comfort and strength during this time.

Robin + Annie said...

good morning... It has become my morning ritual to come in to work and check up on my webster fam and see what is developing. Thank you for the comment that you have left me. I always need help I am a mess but you have much much much more important things going on. Again I want to let you know that I am here I can come up and visit you or whatever you want. let me know if you need anything at all. Love you Bestie!

Anonymous said...

I know that you and I aren't close. But, I have followed this awful situation since it began. Omar is rarely touched and he and I have spent many sleepless nights thinking about you and Kenzie. I am a mommy too. YOU are more than a mommy I will ever be. I find strength and courage from you. I have lite many candles and said many prayers for your babe. And I will never stop. Omar and I are sending via Doreen a "care" package for you. And when I get home I will make you a fabulous dinner. BE WHO YOU ARE. STAY AS STRONG AS YOU HEART CAN BE. AND CRY IF YOU NEED TO. Godspeed... Kate

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