Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ill stand back up.

Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah i might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when i say,

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've have enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and i don't feel that tough,
But ill stand back up,

Ive been beaten up and bruised,
Ive been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,
when the darkness tires to get me,
there a light that just wont let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But ill stand back up,

Ive weathered all these storms,
But i just turn them into wind, so I can fly,
What don't kill you makes you stronger,
When i take my last breath,
That's when ill just give up,

So, go ahead to take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you cant keep me down,

'Cause ill stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and i don't feel that tough,
But ill stand back up,

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and i don't feel that tough,
But ill stand back up.

*sugarland - ill stand back up
song is on my playlist

Thanks for the song Amie...

I keep wishing i was stronger like Makenzie. I guess the first step to doing that is to keep getting up. To keep going. Although everything inside me fights it, i have to do it. I have to make my daughter proud. She has made a difference in this world, in peoples lives and so should i. I need to stay close to my husband- my best friend, the one person who knows what I'm going through. He is amazing. We are making plans- trying to find ways to help others in honor of our beautiful daughter. She brought so much light to this world, i want to keep that light going.

7 comments:

TMI Tara said...

What a lovely song and lyrics. I love when a song gets the emotions of what I'm feeling, there is nothing better to sort everything out, for me anyway.

I'm grateful you are leaning on Ryan. Like you say, he is the best one who knows what you are going through. Men and women think and react so differently, but your love for each other and your love for Makenzie will bring you close.

Just by being your wonderful self, you are honoring Makenzie. I know she is proud of you, and I know you will continue to make her proud. I know you don't feel strong right now, but as I peak into your life and when I have seen you, I am simply amazed at your humble strength and grace through all of this. I know I don't see it all, but I think you are much stronger than you realize.

If I can do anything at all to help with any projects you might be planning to help honor Makenzie's memory, please let me know. I'm behind you 100%. Love ya.

malory said...

Ditto to Tara :)

Alerie said...

I was a dancer growing up and so music has always been a big part of my life. I always loved hearing songs that seemed to be about what I was going through that moment in my life. It was almost like it was written just for me. I am glad you found this song. I honestly believe music is wonderful "therapy" (at least for me). My thoughts and prayers are always with you!!

Alerie said...

P.S. - I agree with everything Tara said also. AND if there is anything you need help with by honoring Makenzie, I would love to help too. I know I don't know you and that I don't live in Utah (I am in Arizona), but I would love to do whatever I can from here. You amaze me everyday!!

Amie said...

Anytime Kendra... I love your recent post. I know it is tough to remain even the slightest bit positive right now but I could just feel that you were a little stronger yesterday than the previous days. You, Ryan and MaKenzie are going to help so many other families out there who are going through the same thing you are. When this happened to me...it was under different circumstances, one way I coped was becoming involved in the March of Dimes walks. I raised money, shared my story and to this day...I am able to give some sort of comfort to other mom's who experience such a loss.

I have a friend who gave birth to a still born...it was devistating for her - when I called her and said "I know what you are feeling, I understand..." she took a breath and said..."omg, you do..." it was a comfort to her knowing that someone could actually relate to her pain. Even though our situations were different, the pain was the same. You are going to be that person Kendra. I knew that from earlier posts...all the research you did, all the knowledge you absorbed. I am sure after some time, you will be able to help others...it will also be a therapy for you. Don't get me wrong, there are times when talking to certain people (like my friend) when I completely fall apart right along with them. You will have good days and you will have bad days.

This is the "worse" part that were in your wedding vows and together, the two of you will get thru this. MaKenzie will always be in your heart, she is the music that fills your soul and she will always watch over the two of you...you will never forget her. Keep blogging - it is obvious that you have so many people who care about you. One thing that I learned....if you can make it through this, you can make it through anything!

Keep that light shining Kendra. :)

Anonymous said...

Your words are making such a difference in my life~ God bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Baby, you will you will stand back up... you will never ever ever ever forget. But one morning, you will put your boots on. You will stand up tall and know that your baby is living the life that she needed to live. And you will live your earthly life and be the only ones we know graced by your daughter meeting you at the gates! Stand up Kendra... you will survive! xoxox Kate

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