my babe is asleep so i figure instead of staring at her and waking her up ill blog a bit... yesterday was a great day for kenzie and i. a great day meaning it was just her and i all day. i told her story's i imagined i would tell her when she got older, i sang her songs i thought we would sing together, i told her about when she was born, i told her how much i love her, i talked about meeting her daddy and what an amazing father he is. we laughed- well i laughed, she would have if she could make noise. she was smiling soooo big. i kept blowing in her arm pit. she thought it was hilarious. i know how funny i am so it was refreshing to see that makenzie got to see a little bit of that. i held her quite a bit. i would say 3 or so hours throughout the day. it was simply amazing. i feel so lucky to have my daughter, for however long that maybe. i feel peace today. i don't feel this all that often so its good to feel it and i needed to write it down.
this morning was a rough morning for kenzie. i feel bad for some of these adorable nurses because i have learned i like things a certain way and i have learned what is normal and not normal for makenzie. when they do it differently i get a little upset. this poor girl this morning I'm sure wanted to call security while i was demanding the RT and drugs for kenzie. she was so uncomfortable and i could tell she was having trouble breathing. i know it sounds weird- (I'm not a doctor i know) but even though her stats were fine i could see her and i saw that look in her eyes and i knew she needed help. after battling for a while i convinced her to get someone to help. she got another nurse who came in and sucked out the biggest mucus plug i have ever seen. i later told her i was sorry for being rude and i didn't mean to but when your child is crying and throwing her body around when she usually lays there i know something is wrong. i hope kenzie knows i would have always stood by her side and been her voice and strength when she needed me.
kenzie got a bath this afternoon. she melted into that water and i know she didn't ever want to get out. i hope heaven has a pool or a hot bath for her.
her room is full of fun pictures, colorful balloons and cute stuffed animals. kenz is one lucky little girl. i read to her and i cant tell you how much she loves books. the jazz came by last week and she got a signed basketball, small just like her. it was pretty awesome.
i love everyone here at PCMC. her nurses are awesome and her RT's have been out of this world. i fall in love with each of them. its weird how fast you can trust someone with your child when you really find that amazing person. I'm so grateful for everyone here. they have made this horrible experience a little better.
i wanted to thank, from the bottom of my heart, every single one of you out there for your prayers, thoughts, hugs, visits, phone calls, text messages, gifts, everything you have done for our family. it has not gone unnoticed. I'm sorry i haven't responded to all of you and i haven't called some of you back but please understand its not because i don't want to talk to you its just because my mind is scattered and in another world. i love you all so much and even if we have never met, i talk to makenzie about you and our whole family is grateful for you.