oh the places you'll go

i was refereed to another blog-
a blog by this wonderful women who also lost her daughter.
her words seem identical to mine. she writes so well.
I'm taking one of her post ideas because it really hit me when i read it.

when i was till pregnant with makenzie, i became obsessed with buying her books. i went to B&N at least once a week. i was determined she would have every book i can remember reading growing up. i found the best books and honestly- we read every single one. probably a few times in her life. we loved to read together. she loved the pictures. one of the books i bought was by Dr. Seuss... oh the places you'll go...
when i was in Jr. high i experienced my first real- grow up fast- experience.
my little brother and i were taken out of our home and went to live with my sister and her husband. they are some amazing people. just a few years older than ryan and i are now when they took in 2 pre-teens who were coming out of a yucky situation. they were and continue to be incredible. while we lived there i read this book many times, it seemed to fit my life at the time. they had it on the shelf in the family room and i loved it-
when i spoke at my jr. high graduation i refereed to this book.
through high school i would recite different passages from this book to myself.
and when i saw this book in B&N i knew i had to get it for Kenzie.
she would learn from this book like i did and use some of its words to get through things like i have. who would have thought-
its me again looking back to this book for guidance.

** read full text here **
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose?
How much can you win?
And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters?
Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
On you will go though the weather be foul.
On you will go though your enemies prowl.
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike.
And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

im stuck on a prickle-ly perch.
im in a slump.
im in a place that the streets are dark.
on i am going... i am still moving. i am still breathing.
will i be that 98 and 3/4 percent that will succeed?
or will i be the other 1 and 1/4 that does not?
some times i feel ill make it, someday, but then ill trip up and have to start over.

over the past few weeks i have had people come to me and tell me about different things that have have happened in their life- its almost like they will find anything that they can and try to relate to me. they feel they have to try and relate to the pain i am in, the fear i have, the heavy heavy load I'm caring everyday. when they tell me they had a miscarriage, their child to was in the ICU but got better or a relative died they always follow with-
i know that its nothing compared to what your going through.
my response: stop it - life sucks!
for you, for me, for everyone.
we all have something now, in the past or in the future where we are left on a lurch and we have to find a way to keep moving. just because your child was able to get out of the ICU and got better doesn't mean you don't know that pain- you sat next to your baby who is sick- you may have had to look death in the eye- and even though it wasn't your daughter who died and your daughter that you had to bury, doesn't mean you don't have your own heartache. every time i read a comment someone writes, an email someone sends or talk to friends, family- anyone, i say a little prayer that you are watched over in life. that maybe your load will be lightened a little. i believe everyone could use a lighter load. maybe because of my story you can not get so overwhelmed with your children quite as much or maybe you wont take life for granted- i am learning from me, from this situation, from my makenzie. i wish i knew why some people have to experience this kind of pain and others don't. i wish i knew why our trials can vary from so small to so large. i wish i knew how God choose which people would live those lives. i pray someday we will all know.

for now- please don't feel you shouldnt complain about your struggles because they may seem smaller compared to others- they are big to you and that's a big deal, please don't feel you cant come to me, please don't feel you shouldn't tell me how you were so frustrated with your little ones today because they just wouldn't listen, i was once a mom to and i kinda understand :), please don't feel you cant talk to me about my daughter. i need to talk about her. i want you to ask about her. if i don't feel ready or like i can- ill tell you, but let me decide.
i hope and pray we all succeed as we make our way through this thing called life-