Sunday, January 10, 2010


not sure what to write today.
had a good weekend with great people.
finally finished signing up for classes- ahh school begins tomorrow!
designed kenzie's headstone.
*will post pics when they get it done*

today- my sister jill and i went to church for a bit. i got to hold that super cute little girl that i talked about earlier- the same girl that reminds me of little kenzie. her parents let me hug her, smile at her, play with her and feed her... that was weird... feeding her. only because it made me remember the last time i got to feed makenzie. it was November 19th. she got a feeding tube placed in her nose that day then her gtube later put in.
no more bottles. no more similac. no more sterilizing. no more nipples. no more holding her. no more rocking her. what a strange feeling.

Wednesday will mark 1 month since i last saw her eyes.
Sunday will mark 2 months since my baby was home.
next Monday kenzie would turn 6 months- half a year old!
next Tuesday will mark 2 months since i last feed my baby.
I'm not so sure about this week. maybe i can just skip it.

instead of starting to ball my eyes out right now I'm going to change the subject-
i have been trying to think of a way to thank all of you out there. thank all of our family, friends, neighbors, everyone for everything you have all done for us.
there is nothing to repay all of you. nothing sufficient enough.
the amount of love, prayers, good thoughts, hugs--- i just cant express how much everything means to us. Everyone of you have touched our lived. Thank you for the gifts- they help us remember our baby. Thank you for the letters, they give us hope and make us feel peace.
Thank you for treats, food, magazines- everything. We are so blessed to know all of you.
Thank you for all your comments. I know I haven't responded to you and I hope to soon but please know every comment is wanted. We read them- often. Sometimes over and over. We listen to you all and take your advice. Thank you for loving us- Thank you for bringing us into your home. Thank you for crying with us. Thank you for thinking of our beautiful little girl. Thank you for not forgetting her. She was sent here for a purpose, she was suppose to help others, make this world better. I wish more than anything that she continues to do that. She always will for me. I will always learn something new from her, she has made me stronger and changed my life. I hope her spirit can help everyone else out there to.
Thank you again- EVERY ONE OF YOU! You are all family. We love you all.

** so much for not balling my eyes out, happened anyway- because of you all **


Chanse and Janell said...

Aw Kendra, you are such a strong woman, and I envy you very much.
I think about you everyday- remember that!

The Call's said...

I have said this before.. I don't know you and you don't know me. I cry every time I read your blog. I think you are just amazing. I love your blog and I am loving your family through it. I hope you do ok this week. I will keep you in our prayers.


Anonymous said...

A milestone Kendra and Ryan
MAkenzie is proud of you. She lives and loves you both and how grateful I have been to have had her in my life for a while. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of her and of you and Ryan.
Ryan was mine and I will always love him so much and having you has been a great blessing for Ryan.
McKenzie is a great blessing and she did and will teach each of us a lot throughout our lives. Tomorrow a balloon goes up for her and with it the love she shares with all of us.
Thank you for sharing with all of us your thoughts, fears, gratitude, and the love of a child. I know it makes you strong and helps you to make it through the day. Remember the silence in your heart and mind and Mckenzie will always be there. The Lord loves both of you and He will help you through this time and will make you strong to finish your work here on earth. He gives us nothing we can't withstand only gives to us that will make us better. Love You Both Very Much.

Linds said...

So exciting with school! What classes are you going to be taking? I have always loved the first day of school :)

We love you and we're grateful that you have let us experience a part of your journey with you. You have influenced many lives in such a positive and wonderful way, including mine.

Love always

Loretta said...

My daughter Amanda and I really wanted to see you yesterday. Hopefully we can get together when she comes back in town. You have made such a difference in our lives and please know that we are thinking of you. Let me know if I can help you in the future.
Love, Loretta Neil

Alerie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Crystal said...

I saw you leaving work as I was walking in last week... We smiled at each other and said hi like we normally do and I just wanted to give you the biggest hug but I chickened out... Wasnt sure if you were in the mood. Be prepared the next time I do see you, your going to get a good hug!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO


Emma said...

Thank you. Thank you for sharing your heart, your thoughts, you life, and especially for sharing the sweetest gift, you precious baby girl. I know you want to know she is teaching people, that her spirit is still teaching people and I can promise you she is!! I think of you, Ryan and Kenzie often, even though I don't know you, but I know she was here to teach, to lead people to live a better life. She is teaching people how to live, how to live without taking those we love for granted and how to love one another. How often do you see people come together, in love, to help, to pray, to do things for others....Kenzie is bringing out the best in everyone, the amazing, strong beautiful spirit in her is being shown through you and your ability to keep going each and every day. Thank you for all you do, for sharing Kenzie with all of us and I am so glad that you are feeling loved-that is the least all of us "out here" can do, I wish there was more. Hugs today and always, Em

Sarah said...

Dearest Kendra & Ryan,
I have wanted to write to you, but have not had the words to express what I feel for you both. I am so deeply sorry about your little girl. I believe children like Makenzie are sent to this earth as teachers; and I believe they are sent to families who are strong enough for their lessons. You are amazing people, and I wish I had words to ease your grief and lighten your hearts. I haven't seen either one of you for a long time, but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you both.
Sarah Armstrong

Anonymous said...

Kendra, you are certainly a remarkable woman and a very special mother. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and prayers and for bringing such a beautiful special gift of a precious grand daughter into our lives. Makenzie will never be forgotten. She was a perfect ray of sunshine that we will miss but never, ever forget. We will continue to love her and pray for her spirit to touch our lives each and every day. We love you both will all our hearts always and forever. Love, Becky&Randy

Mother 25 - 8 said...

Kenzie did make this world a better place. She made parents, especially moms, treat their kids better. This world needs kinder moms. More patient moms. She has made thousands of moms better moms. The ripple effect will be endless. She made me a nicer mom. My kids needed a nicer mom. Kenzie helped to change that.

TMI Tara said...

You are such a strong and beautiful person. Love you. Thank you for everything you have taught me.

Katie Danner said...

Aww Kendra, you are such a sweetheart. I am so amazed and impressed with your strength and audacity to carry through the pain with so much grace. I am sure the pain will come in waves for time, and it's all normal and healthy. Good luck with school :) I still think often about the inspiration your story has been in my life. love ya Kendra. :)

Jenni said...

You're such a sweetheart! I wish we could be best friends! We should all be thanking you for letting us come into your life and go through this jouney with you. It's been amazing!!! Love you and pray for you often!


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