happy half birthday!

Dear Makenzie Rye,
I cant believe your half a year old. Time has gone so fast. I feel like it was yesterday I was still feeling you run around in my belly saying- GIRLFRIEND- I'm ready for you anytime! I think back now wanting to kick myself. I should have soaked up every second of that time. You were safe, warm and with me every second of the day. I miss feeling that ripple go across my belly. I miss that sick feeling I would feel when you would kick my crotch to hard :)
I miss feeling your fingers or toes tickle my belly (seriously that was the weirdest but coolest feeling)
I think about what we would be doing if you were still here.
You would be so big.



I would kiss those lips all day.
We would make a pudding cake (that way we could sneak you a taste)
We would get balloons, dance to music, watch your favorite shows and sing happy half birthday over and over.
Your uncle Ben came all the way from Korea today just so he can celebrate your big Half Birthday :) I wish you 2 could have met. You would have simply gone nuts over him. He is awesome!

Makenzie I catch myself looking at your pictures, amazed that your my daughter. Your so incredibly beautiful. I'm am biased but seriously there is not ONE thing goofy looking about you. I was so worried I would have a funny looking kid- They would come out with a big nose, big lips or hairy... Although you did have your dads hairy back -haha- it was still the cutest hairy back I have ever seen. I miss holding you baby. I miss waking up running into your room because that night took way to long to get over with and I'm dieing to see you. I miss our baths. I miss our mani/pedi's. I miss dancing around the house making you smile. I wish you could have played in the snow with us.

We are pretty fun people sometimes-

I think you would have had a great time laughing at our silliness.
There isn't a second that goes by that I don't think of you.
Makenzie- thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing me to be your Mom. I hope I gave you the best life in your short time here. I hope you know I will do anything I have to do so that I can see you again. I miss you. I ache for you.
Don't you ever, ever doubt how much your Mom and Daddy adore you. How happy we are to know you are ours. Thank you for giving us your life. Thank you for teaching us so much, thank you for loving us, thank you for your smiles, thank you for being our angel.

Oh how I wish you were here.

Please stay close to us. We need you all the time.

We are sending you lots of hugs and kisses today.

Love you to infinity.

Love Mom and Daddy.

-- I relate so much of what I am feeling to songs. I have so many songs that explain how I feel better than I could ever put into words. This song by Mark Wills replays in my head over and over. I have thought it of it so many times since Kenzie passed away and I woke up this morning singing it in my head. The whole song is great but its the chorus that makes me think of Kenzie-

"Wish you were here, wish you could see this place

Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face

The weather's nice, it's paradise

It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know

They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"

* Our very special friend Heather took these pictures while she was watching Kenzie. Heather is such an amazing person. She loved our little girl so much and gave her so much. I love these pictures.

I miss my family.