Wednesday, October 13, 2010

10 Months

Its been way to long. Now into the double digits. I'm trying to hold on. I'm working hard at it. I'm not giving up. Dad and I spent a long time last night laying on the floor in your room. We I sang. I don't sing good. Its rather horrible. But I just miss it. I miss singing to you. Its hard to remember this time last year. The journey we were starting to get into.  You were growing. I was going back to work. We thought life was moving in one direction. You were starting to get sick. Its hard for me to look back and know the pain you were in. To understand your body was failing. The first day- the first time I ever noticed something happening. I play it over and over in my head. To know what that meant now. To know it really was something and not nothing. Today- its Kenzie Day. We are having a Halloween party. We are going to celebrate the life you lived. Celebrate the time we shared with you this time last year.
I'm also going to raise awareness. I have a booth set up for the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation. Maybe one more person will know about this disease. 
As I laid on your floor last night, I couldn't believe that room is really empty. That you really will not be coming back. I couldn't believe those books wouldn't be read by you, those toys wouldn't be played with. That bed will remain unslept in. Makenzie, please know you will forever be our world. We are living for you. To make a change so others don't have to experience what you did. We are living to make you proud. You are in our minds in every decision.  Please be happy. Please be that same full of life sweetheart you are. Know everyone here misses you. So many many people miss you. You will NEVER be forgotten. Not for a second. I love you to the moon. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I love you to infinity.
I'm sending you millions of kisses.
Love,
Mom

6 comments :

Alerie said...

I'm so sorry Kendra!! I'm always thinking and praying for you and Ryan. Even though you are going through the most terrible thing ever, you never fail to amaze me. You have done so many amazing things and continue to do amazing things in honor of Makenzie. I know she is so proud of her parents!! I hope you have a good Kenzie Day!! Much love!!

Heather Vincent said...

I've been following your blog for some time now, but never know what to say. Your strength A.MAZES me...TRULY AMAZES ME! I almost lost my daughter two years ago on Dec 17th, the day she was born. I had HELLP Syndrome, Preeclampsia and was going Eclamptic (on my transport to Provo I had a seizure in the ambulance), my daughter had to be born. I can't imagine what you are going through without your beautiful Kenzie. You are doing an amazing job at keeping her legacy alive with MRW Live Laugh Breath. If I had $5 extra dollars, I would buy some socks and make some baby legs for your cause.
Remember, Heavenly Father LOVES YOU and KNOWS of your struggles, your strength, your courage. And he has made it possible to see Kenzie again. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Shawna said...

I know this is a hard day for you Kendra. I am praying it goes okay and that Kenzie Day is a fantastic celebration of your baby's life and your memories of her.

Emma said...

I hope your Halloween celebration leaves you feeling how loved you, Ryan and sweet Kenzie are. Always in my thoughts, hugs, Em

brigette said...

Hitting the double digits is hard... reality sets in more and more. Thinking of you often and sending much love! Looks like Kenzie day 10 was a big success! Your amazing

TMI Tara said...

A day filled with love and fun is just what Kenzie would have wanted. You are amazing Kendra. Every day you inspire me. Love you!

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