Sunday, October 24, 2010

to be with you.

tears.
kinda came out of no where.
sooo missing.
missing every little thing.
just wanting to sit and watch her. wanting to wake up and see a 15 month old little girl.
wanting to see her walk, run, talk, play- blink - swallow - breathe- move.
when it gets like this i cant breathe myself. i just miss. so.very.much.
i shake. needing more than ever.
wanting to just be. wishing i didn't need to learn. wishing i could just be who i was this time last year.
with her.
bedtime, bathtime, playtime, snuggletime, kissytime, parktime, naptime, dinnertime.
that time.
that heavy feeling on my chest is back. it hurts. its taking everything. just wanting her.
my eyes cant see, i can barely move. just thinking about running.
not sure where to run, just wanting to find- find her.

please God. just for a moment. i wont take long, ill let go- i just need to feel. ill give her back, i just need to be there. i need her- i need to give my everything to her again. for just a moment.

i just want to go back. for one minute. go back to her. go back to her lips.
...god... how i miss kissing those lips.
i hated that in the hospital. that damn tube got in the way. i wanted to kiss her lips so bad. as soon as i could after the tube came out- that night- i kissed her. so many times. over and over.

wanting to feel those lips again. and again. forever.
i miss my daughter.

6 comments :

Candace said...

Kendra, I love you and am praying for you. You're so amazing.

Rafahi Family said...

I found your blog a little over a month ago. My heart breaks for you and your husband for your loss. I have been keeping you and your family in our daily prayers that your hearts will be healed and that God will give you strength.

Andrea said...

Thinking of you. Keeping you in my prayers.

Alerie said...

I'm so sorry!! Always thinking of you and praying for you!! Much love!! AND BIG HUGS!!

Shawna said...

Oh Kendra, I'm so sorry that you are aching, missing, and sad. I hope you get to feel her and peace even if just for a moment. And soon. Love and prayers.

lis said...

your words are just beautiful. im so sorry your baby isn't in your arms, but i know she is with you. im so sorry that isn't enough a lot of the time.
xoxo
lis

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