Monday, October 17, 2011

How it went down...

What a day yesterday was.
I totally got knocked up...
- well i hope, I'm thinking positive -
So if your anything like me you want to know the details. Especially with something that isn't all that common. So let me take you through the morning.

Sunday October 16th.
6:30 am: I woke up and took a long shower.  (I had to make sure that area was extra clean, a face was about to be eye to eye with it)
7:30 am: I jumped in the car and took off to meet my mom.
8:00 am: Picked up my mom and headed to the University.
8:30 am: Waited for our vial.
9:30 am: Finally got our vial that was suppose to be ready right at 8:30.
10:00 am: Got to my docs office with vial in tow. Since its was Sunday the office was closed so we had to have the on call doc perform this and he opened the office just for me.
10:15 am: Legs were propped up and the insemination was made.
10:16 am: Doc completed his job and told me to lay there for just a few minutes.
10:40 am: Doc said okay really time for you to leave.
10:41 am: Started counting the minutes until I can take a pregnancy test.

I'm sure your curious what this thing looked like.  It was much smaller than I thought. Don't ask what I was thinking :)...




So I wondered if this might hurt- I was told it would feel a lot like a pap smear.
As it turns out it didn't hurt at all. It wasn't even uncomfortable.  It was quick and painless.
I have to admit it was really weird cutting Ryan out of the process completely.
I mean... I might have just gotten pregnant with the Doc and my mom while Ryan was 5 hours away. Hmmm... Not exactly what I dreamed of when I thought of having kids. Oh well.

I was worried I would be uncomfortable or nervous or afraid to be laying there and thinking--- this other guys "stuff" is in me and getting me pregnant.  I talked to Ryan about this several times before Sunday and every time we talked about it I have been blow away at his attitude about the whole thing.  Not for one second does Ryan think of this other guys "stuff" as being anything other than a small part in bringing OUR child to us healthy.  This baby isn't that guys. Its OUR baby. This is Ryan's child.  This little person is meant to come to us. We are meant to raise them.

As I laid there on that table and his "stuff" was put in me I was consumed with thinking of what was actually happening. Thinking of the possibilities. Thinking of how badly we want this. Thinking of my husband. Thinking of Makenzie. It was then very clear that the child we conceive this way is 100% ours. Ryan and Kendra's. There is no doubting that. God has this little spirit all ready for US. For Ryan and Kendra. and in order for us to get them here healthy we needed assistance.  I prayed so so hard the whole time.  I stared at the same thing on the ceiling for what felt like hours but was really only minutes.  I just kept praying this would work and that this little baby would be healthy.  After the doctor left the room my mom and I didn't move. We didn't talk. It was a very peaceful 20ish minutes. I know we were both just praying. Praying this would be the answer to our prayers and that we would get our wish.
I was then overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude.  To have this opportunity. To live in this day of age where I can choose this.

I am so thankful for all the prayers and good thoughts that were sent our way.  We are so lucky to have so many new friends. So many people who don't personally know us but are praying for us. I could feel it as I laid there.  I am so thankful for all of you. I know this isn't the choice everyone would choose but the support we have received has been amazing.  


I still don't know if it worked and I'm pregnant.  I am trying not to get my hopes up to high.  I'm trying to be neutral about the whole thing and be realistic.  Getting pregnant isn't that easy.  If this is the right time it will happen. But it might not be the right time. God might ask us to wait longer. For whatever reason.
I'm trying to sit back and be patient. I'm trying to understand that everything will happen when it suppose to.  Because I'm so impatient I told myself I couldn't start testing until this next weekend.
I'm just holding a constant prayer in my heart!
but if it doesn't happen this time. Maybe it will next time.

33 comments :

Not Just Another Mother Blogger! said...

I have been in your shoes. I hope everything works out the way you want!

Kaci Uipi said...

That's nice that your mom went with you. I couldn't imagine taking my mom to something like that...

Anonymous said...

Praying for you!! This is SO exciting. I love your blog and I love your openness. I can't wait for the updates!

Anonymous said...

so happy for you.....sounds like if its not now then it will be in the coming months. Hang in there if your not and know that somethings just take practice;)lol. Praying for you all and excited to see what the next 2 weeks bring!

Cox Family said...

How exciting!! I will say a prayer and cross my fingers for you guys!!

Presley & Charlotte Gleason said...

YIPEEEE!!!! I so hope you are able to get that sweet baby ASAP!!!! Preferrably like in say 9 months???? YAY!

Amy said...

Praying so hard for you!! I hope you are pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby to stay with you on earth!

The White's said...

Oh my sweet sweet sister! You are in our prayer's all the time!!! And I know for a fact that our heavely father wants you to be extremly happy and for that to happen he will bring to you a wonderful spirit who has been waiting for those amazing parents that you and ryan are!! We love you and please keep in touch with us we tried to call you last night! And if you need anything we are here for you my love!! We love you and miss you very very much! Jon&Joy♥

Mindee & Austin said...

Kendra, good luck girl!! Im thinking about you and I hope this works the first time for you guys. You have such a support system of people praying for you, I cant wait to see if its positive : ) Your amazing, stay strong and positive!
-Mindee

Laylabean said...

Praying for you... crossing my fingers for you... sending good thoughts your way...

You two are wonderful parents and your new baby will be so lucky. Perhaps Makenzie has been in heaven telling your future children all about how great you are.

Anonymous said...

Praying that you and Ryan will be blessed with a beautiful baby who will bring you both a lifetime of love, joy, and happiness. Makenzie and Gracie are with you every step of this journey, and loving that mommy and daddy are adding a new brother or sister for them to watch over, love and protect from heaven. May all your dreams and wishes come true...you deserve it!

Kerri

Emma said...

So excited for you, whether it be this month, or next month, or whenever, but I know you are meant to be parents and it will happen (crssing my fingers for this month though!!). So glad you have such an amazing husband who knows what it takes to be a father-and he is such a good one!! I know you will be blessed with the right little one for you and your family and that you two will love this little one more than the world, and I can't wait to 'share' that with you. Thanks for being so open, so forthcoming, I know you are helping so many people in their own journey's....and I love following yours. Hugs to you and Ryan, Em

Brittany said...

You are such an inspiration! Just remember God has got this! I heard a song today and thought of you and your family... Whitney Houston's "I look to you." just remember he will be your strength and he has got this!

Jackie Koll said...

Thanks for sharing and yes, I was curious HA! Praying for God's timing in all of this!

Robin said...

Kendra, thanks so much for walking us through this private process in your life. It is so interesting. I am praying for you to come up with a positive HPT soon! You are so right though, if it doesn't happen this time, it will, in God's time. Your baby's birthday was planned out long before you and Ryan ever even met. God knows all, long before anything came to be. Good luck, we're rooting for you guys!

Ashley Sullenger said...

Girl you crack me up. Just how your phrase things :) I so hope the pregnancy test will be positive in a few weeks!!!! Oh I'd just be thrilled!

Ashley said...

So excite and can't waitto hear that youa re indeed pregnant. Praying for you and your husband :)

Derrik and Claire said...

Hi, I came across your blog because I read your friend Ashley's blog and she has mentioned you several times before. I think of both of you girls often and look up to you for so many reasons. I can't begin to imagine the strength you have had to develop to continue living your life. I look up to you because you have done just that.. you have kept on going despite everything. I so admire your honesty, it has helped me. I think of you, and how it must be so hard, but you do it. If you can do it, then I can do it. I don't know you but I wish I did, I pray for you and your family. I pray that you know that people are still praying for you and thinking of you all the time. Even people that don't know you.. like me! I wish the very best for you. I so so so hope you ARE pregnant, and that you live a full and wonderful life. Your little MacKenzie is so lucky to have you as parents. I bet she is so excited at the prospects of having a little brother or sister! I can't wait to hear the news... GOOD LUCK!!

The Jeffcoats said...

Praying for you this week and hoping that the results are positive (literally)!! So happy that you could feel the prayers while you were going through this process and so happy that you and Ryan are on your way to giving your sweet angel a baby brother or sister! :)

Meg said...

Thinking of you!!!!! Found your blog through the Sullenger blog. I hope it works! ;)

Mandy Quinn said...

I found your blog through another blog a couple of months ago and have never commented but after your last post I just wanted to let you know that 3 years ago my husband and I went through the procedure you just went through. Reading through this post sure brought back memories of the process we went through and I just felt compelled to send this message to you to let you know that you and Ryan are in our thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!

brigette said...

Super excited for you Kendra. Im praying for you guys. You deserve this more than anyone I know!! You have such a way of saying things. You are such a super strong amazing woman! Love ya girl.

VALIE said...

Let's hope for this time, but if not, then the next :-)
Fingers crossed !

Toni said...

As I always told myself and friends going throw things like this, PREGNANT, UNTIL PROVEN OTHER WISE. ((hugs)) and sticky vibes.

Glenda said...

fingers crossed!!!

Jujubee said...

You are so cute to share all this I really was hoping you would. I can not WAIT to hear you are preggers whether it be this month or next- you WILL be pregnant soon either way and like you said- Gods perfect timining! What blows my mind is that He knows your next baby- the date the time the name and all the details. And I bet Your sweet Kenz can't wait to be a big sister because families are FOREVER!!!!! Go Kendra!!! Can't wait to hear more!!!

The Tarbets said...

I've been reading your blog for sometime now, which I found thru another's blog, and it is very inspiring to see how you have come thru this all. I will definately be praying for you and Ryan.
McKenzey Tarbet

Amanda said...

Oh Kendra girl, I love you!! You are so hilarious :) I can't wait to hear the good news!!!

Shelby said...

I came across your blog and you are an amazingly strong family, you are so inspiring--I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter, it is so inspirational that you are able to share your story through writing. I want you to know that from a small town in Minnesota, a family is praying for you--even though we have never met, I can feel your emotions in the words that you type. I hope your prayers are answered.
God Bless,
Shelby :)
Http://www.collettis.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I came across this blog and thought of you and what you are going through. Her little girl died this summer from SMA and just had another baby. http://brynleeliston.blogspot.com She used a sperm doner to get pregnant with her baby. Anyway just thought you might want to take a look or maybe even see if you can contact her. She can relate to what you are doing and would be a great support. Praying everything works out!

caseyp said...

A friend of mine lost her baby as well and i found this on her fb thought id share!! especially the donts..

http://www.missfoundation.org/pro/articles/effective.html

its about loss...

Jenni said...

I'm so glad you can feel our prayers. Can't wait to hear the news!!!

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