Friday, May 11, 2012

rambling

Thanks for all your advice on names for baby T.
I am pretty sure we are sticking with our different name but I promise its not spelled weird. It sounds just how it looks. I have to say I should kind of get the "different" name issue. I mean Kendra is definitely not the name everyone in the world shares. I used to hate my name. I even asked to be called by my middle name for a period of time-- Diane-- no offense to all the Diane's, like my Mum, its a nice name but I don't know why I thought Diane was that much better than Kendra when I was 9. In my ideal world my name would have been Michelle or Stephanie. I was a little obsessed with Full House and those were pretty popular names at the time. Eh well. Over time I learned to accept my name. Then I learned to like it. Now its just me. I am sure no matter what we name T he will go through a period where he might want to change it. but someday he will see how important his name is to us and he will learn to love it. I hope. Or he will tolerate it. I have thought of all the nicknames he could be called. My nieces and nephews have been great at helping me learn all of those. but I honestly don't mind them. My family all is calling him by name and my nieces and nephews are always asking about _____ and when he is going to get here. Ryan and I talk to him and refer to his things as his so I cant imagine at this point calling him anything else. I guess its stuck and I am totally fine with that.
I am so anxious to hold this little boy for the first time.
There are so many mixed emotions with this pregnancy but when I think of meeting him for the first time everything else just seems to fade away. I miss Makenzie. I miss her more and more everyday and honestly have hurt more in the past few weeks than I have in a long long time. I ache feeling like she should be her. Wishing that having our second child felt like we were having our second child and not our first again. I imagine what Makenzie would think about her mums growing belly and all the talk about a little brother. I think about what she would be saying and what our days would be consumed with. I miss my little girl. and I wish I didn't have to wait so long to see her again. I miss her. and as much as I am anxious to be a mom again, this little boy wont be my Makenzie. I accept that. I am fine with that. I am happy about that. I want him. I want every piece of who he is going to be. Its such a hard battle between the 2 sides. I think when he gets here it a lot of my anxiety and mixed emotions will calm. I think ill understand things better and many of them might go away.
I am so happy for this opportunity to have a son. I am so thankful Ryan and I are able to do this together. My life will be open to a whole new level of happiness and love and I simply cant wait.

Onto T's room.
Have I told you my vision? I cant remember... Well I seriously had his whole room figured out. I had fabric samples, paint done and a diagram of what will go where and what we still needed to get. It was going to be a masculine version of a shabby chic room. Can you imagine it? Grey, White, Lime Green and a little bit of Black. Oh it was going to be perfect.
Well I guess I should have taken Ryans... "I really don't care what you do" not so literal.
So far everything I have purchased for the room has been returned. Its all to girly for Ryan.
He has somehow convinced me that we need deer antlers, elk pictures and some kind of western theme in there. WHAT?! This is not the image I had envisioned. I want a calm relaxing room that isn't baby-ish. Now his room is starting to turn into Ryans man cave. I would put up more of a fight but I am honestly happy he wants to be apart of it and is taking such an interest in every single thing that happens in that room. as well as what that kid will wear. Its rather funny if you ask me. So now my whole vision is changing and my search for the perfect items is continuing. Talk about too much time on etsy! I hope I can figure out the decor and make it something we are both happy with.
oh and did I mention we are working with a budget of slim to none. ha. It really is an intense mission I am on :)

3 comments :

Chantel said...

This is the reason our Little Man has a camo room. I did put on foot down on the antlers and the gun mounted on the wall. Seriously. The camo room fits him, though and I can't imagine him having anything else.

Alesha said...

Ok I hadn't ever thought of that. When I get prego again everyone thinking and maybe even feeling a little like it is my 3rd again, when really that is Pierce's placee . Another thing I am sure will bring anxiety. :) Nice.

I am sure his name will be perfect. I can't wait to hear. Are you waiting until he is born to announce it?

Rafahi Family said...

Kuddos to you and Ryan for working on little T's room with slim to no budget! It is difficult, but I know it can be done! I cannot wait to see pics of the finished room!

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