Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Happier


Okay... kinda cheesy but that's what I woke up and thought of.
I am so very lucky.
I am so very blessed.
I need to open my eyes more and Thank God for giving me this life.
For every single twist and turn of this life.
This is MY life.
I will get 1 chance to live it.

Dear Makenzie....
Oh my lordie. Its been 21 months since I last held you. I miss your face more than you could ever understand. I miss the little things I never thought I would miss. Things I never really learned about you because I never thought I would be without it. I wish I would have studied your chubby roles more. Or should I say your 1 chubby role. You sure were a string bean. 
I wish I could still smell you. 
To be able to touch you- I would give anything. 
Little love I pray you know how much I absolutely love you. That has, nor will it ever go away. It will never lessen. I love you with all my heart. You are my baby. My incredible little girl who has changed my life and who I am- more than anyone ever could. 

I pray the last 21 months have given you more than I ever could have. I pray heaven is full of color, music, love, swimming pools, balloons, happiness and puppy's. 
I pray you are smiling every second.
Breathing with ease.
Flying.

I promise you Makenzie Rye--- I will forever live my life striving to be better. I will never give up. Even on the hardest of days. I will keep moving. I will keep breathing. I will keep praying and I will Thank God every single day for everything he gave me. I will do better. Be better. Grow stronger. I will love more. Judge less. Give often. I will not stop. You did not come here and give me what you gave me for me to just throw up my hands. You matter. The life you lived and the way you left wasn't for nothing. There was a reason. I may not understand. But I will accept and I will learn. 
I promise Makenzie. I will not break this promise. 

My life is not what it once was. I am not who I used to be.
I will do my best to better my life. I will do my best to better another life. 

Thank you for every second you have given me. Thank you for breathing for me. Thank you for smiling for me. Thank you for staying so strong for as long as you did. 

I miss you. Every single second.
I love you. Forever.
Love Momi



I will celebrate my daughter today. I will be happier. I will rejoice in the life I shared with her and rejoice in the life she gets to live now. With God. 

10 comments :

Krissy said...

Kendra. I wish I knew the words to say that connects our hearts. I thank you for your words this morning. It mimics my heart today. I woke up smiling because of a memory I have of my Jayci which leads me to celebrating her.... Loves.

Anonymous said...

I wanted to leave this blog with you!! It is something positve for you!! This family also has the rare gene. They have a daughter that has made it through so much!! So please read and maybe get in touch with them or others that have the horrible gene. So stay positive!!! You are incredible!! Keep the faith he will always be with you no matter what, he knows that you are strong and can keep going!!

http://chadncherissefamily.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Oh Kendra, we will all live better lives because of your amazing little MRW. She has forever touched my life and makes me a better person every day. I love these pictures. Her smile is adorable. We have that onesie too :). Your love for her shows so completely in the pic of her and you together. Stay strong lovely Kendra.
Xoxo
Jayne

crystal said...

Kenda,
That was such a sweet post. Because of MaKenzie we are all better people. Just seeing the love that you have for her inspires me. I pray for peace and that God will send you another little one to share all the love you have. Praying for you!!!

jessie said...

You are such a strong mommy! Thank you so much for the sweet comment on my blog. I look forward to following and getting to know you and your family better. What an example you have already been to me. Stay strong sweetie!

Emma said...

You are such an incredible Mom, wife, friend and woman!! Thanks for sharing with us and please know that Kenzie's life, and you sharing it with us, has made so many of us better people....better Mom's, more thankful individuals and more appreciative of all the things we hold dear. I know Makenzie is so proud of you and all you do each and every day in her name! Hugs, Em

Anonymous said...

Have you been in contact with this family? They lost their son to SMA and their daughter also has it.

http://coleman2family.blogspot.com/

Here's a wonderful video about them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd9LqqocBCE

Alex and Sarah said...

Love this post. May we all be better because of MRW.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you today. I smiled when I thought of your sweet baby girl this morning. I miss her too. I know life hasn't turned out as you had hoped but you still have so much more to accomplish. AND....when you DO see Kenzie again (and you WILL), you will have so much to tell her. When I think of Rich, that is what gets me through those hard days, I have to live a good life and will have soo soo much to tell him. I hope she comes to you in your dreams tonight. I love you Kendra and Ryan too. Auntie M

The Morton's said...

I came across your blog yesterday and spent hours reading it. I cried and ached for you. You are so strong! This poem reminds me of you:
THE WHITE ROSE
All the Earth's mothers and fathers were gathered together at God's garden of flowers. Those beautiful budding spirits, who would someday come to Earth, were nurtured and tended in the garden. A loving Father spoke to the Mothers and Fathers: "See the works of my hands, someday you will be the parents of these radiant spirits."

The garden glowed with mixtures of all kinds and colors. "Choose Ye." He said. One by one mothers and fathers stepped forward. I want the blue-eyed curly haired one, who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion. Yet another chose a brown-eyed, brown haired boy, full of life and love who would someday be a prince in a grand country. The garden buzzed with excitement as the others chose their own special spirits, those whom they would soon welcome into the warmth and love of an Earthly home.

Now in the East corner of the garden, pure white roses stood as sentinels. They were not so colorful as the rest, but glowed with a kind of purity which set them apart. As these beautiful roses were left unchosen, the Father spoke, "But who will take the white roses, the ones in the East corner of the garden? These will return to me in goodness, perfect and pure. They will not stay long in your home, I must bring them back to my garden, for they belong with me. But they will gain bodies as was planned. You will miss them and long for them as you complete your mortal journey, but I will personally care for them. "

"No, not I," many said in unison. "I could not bear to give one back so soon." "Nor I," said others, "We will take those who will remain and grow to maturity and live long lives."

The loving Father looked out across the multitude of mothers and fathers with love in His eyes for someone to step forward. Then He said, "Silence! See the most pure and perfect of all the white ones, I choose Him. He will go down and be a sacrifice for all mankind. He will be scorned, mocked and crucified. He is my own. Will not anyone choose like unto him?"

A few mothers stepped forward. "Yes, Lord, I will."

Then a few fathers, "And I as well."

"Yes, we will Lord."

Soon all the pure white roses were taken and they rejoiced in the choices their mothers and fathers had made.

The Father spoke again. "Oh blessed are you who chose the white roses, for your pain will be a heavy cross to bear, but your joy will be exceeding beyond anything you can understand at this time."

The white roses embraced their mothers and fathers, and so complete was their purity and love that it filled their souls with peace, courage, and faith. Each mother and father knew they could endure this task. And the greatest of all the white roses gathered them as a hen gathers her chicks, and an outpouring of love surrounded each mother, father, and child. Together the Father and His chosen one, prepared these mothers, fathers, and their white roses for their special mission. And together, each mother and father who would bare the mortal pain of the white roses felt God's overwhelming peace and love as they all shouted, "Thy will be done."

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