Sunday, May 2, 2010

theme songs

i feel my life could be written in songs.
i love music.
i don't play it,
i don't write it,
i don't sing it-
well only when I'm alone, with kenzie or drunk.
but i love everything about it.
i feel you can express more emotion through music than you could anywhere else.
i feel there is always a theme song of my life.
every few months a new one would come up and replace the old theme.
life changed, songs changed, the world changed.
now, i don't have "a" theme song
i have a 10 disc library of my theme song.
while i was pregnant with makenzie my theme song was-
"it wont be like this for long" by darius rucker.
i would listen to that song over and over-thinking, i will never ever wish life would hurry up. i will never wish makenzie would finally sleep through the night, i would never wish she would start sitting up or crawling. i promised myself i would soak up every second of every minute with her. our midnight get togethers were fabulous. we would sit in her room, rock back and forth in the chair, look out the window at the sleeping world, the stars and we would listen to her theme songs. of course i came up with this amazing collection of baby tunes that she loved.
there were times i sure would have liked to get a bit more rest but to be honest,
i never ever wished different. those were the best times with her. as time went on our theme song collection grew and i couldn't ever eliminate an old song. i now have over 80 songs on our play list. most of our songs are right here on my blog play list but there are a few i don't have listed because they weren't available. i love hearing these play. i think about her every time.
some make me cry. others make me smile.
during those few weeks i went back to work, ryan would pick up makenzie from the baby sitters and bring her home. at that time she was not a happy camper. she hated her car seat. the only thing he could do to make her calm down was play "chicken fried"- by the zach brown band. she wouldn't fall asleep she would just stop crying and listen. we played that on her video at the funeral. it was the only upbeat song. the only one that made us really smile rather than cry. it still has the same effect on us. my nieces call it makenzies happy song. they say it makes them remember her. there are so many songs that make me think of makenzie. really everything reminds me of her- even lady gaga :) in a weird way....
well years ago i heard this song called daughter by Loudon Wainwright III. its a fun different song and every time i heard it, it made me happy. after i had my own daughter- this fit so perfectly with her. i have it as my first song on my play list below so take a listen.
Everything she sees
she says she wants.
Everything she wants
I see she gets.
That's my daughter in the water
everything she owns I bought her
Everything she owns.
That's my daughter in the water,
everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.
Everything I say
she takes to heart.
Everything she takes
she takes apart.
That's my daughter in the water
every time she fell I caught her.
Every time she fell.
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost every time I fought her.
I lost every time.
Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
Everything she thinks
blows her tiny mind.
That's my daughter in the water,
who'd have ever thought her?
Who'd have ever thought?
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost every time I fought her
Yea, I lost every time.


caitlin and brinton said...

I LOVE that song. My brother-in-law plays that all the time & I'm sure this is his "theme" song for Lucy.

Thank you again, so much, for coming and supporting our event on Saturday. It really meant a lot to me that you and Allie would come.

Emma said...

I too love music, but also only sing in private or with my girls. I love your playlist, the songs all touch my heart as well, and are songs I play in my own home as well. Darius Rucker's song is one of my fave's, especially since my girls had a rough start with tummy problem's adn were up all night, every night! I am so glad you were able to enjoy that time, cherish that time with Kenzie-those memories are incredible to have. I know she would have loved your midnight meetings too, so quiet, just you and her loving one another-perfect. Music touches the soul....there are songs that can touch no matter what the circumstance and I find them so healing. I am glad you have so many you love, that speak to you in different ways. Love and hugs, Em

Alerie said...

This song is really cute. I too LOVE music. I also feel that I have theme songs or a song that I feel just speaks to me during that time in my life. I feel that music is very healing and it has always helped me get through situations whether it may be a good, bad, hard, sad or happy situation. I am glad you have so many songs that you were able to share with Kenzie. How special!! I am sure she loved that time in the middle of the night with you in the comfort of her mommy's arms listening to music. Such special memories!! Much love!!

P.S. - I have always LOVED these pictures of Makenzie. She is so beautiful!! Her eyes are AMAZING!!

Anonymous said...

What a precious little girl. I am so glad that she is my granddaughter. I love this picture of her, her eyes touch my soul. I had not read your blog yet, but sat at my desk today holding this very picture of her. I held it for a long time, hoping that she can feel my love for her and wishing that things could of been different for all of us. I wish that I held her a little longer, went to visit a little more often, kissed her an extra time. I hope she knows how much I miss her and how very much she is loved, always and forever. Thank you for being the best mother that Makenzie could of had. I know that you have heard a million times that she wants you to be happy, but I truly believe that she does. Our way back to her will come after living life to it's fullest, so that one day we can share all the wonderful experiences this life has to offer with her. She is waiting patiently and we must do the same. I love you Kendra and Ry with all my heart--Becky

Jenni said...

What a sweet song! I am just like you, I can relate every experience in my life to a song. Usually a country song because they have such meaningful stories and powerful messages. Girl, we've got to meet someday!!!:) Love ya!


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