Monday, May 31, 2010

memorial day

its a tradition on memorial day weekend to head down to the cabin, open it up and on our way home stop at the cemetery's and pay our respects. last year was no different. the only difference was we kept talking about how our loved ones were playing with our baby and getting ready to send her to us. we kept thinking about this time next year and how we would have a crawler on our hands. we imagined getting ready to plan her first birthday, take a summer vacation, buy her first bikini so she could show off that adorable plump belly we knew she would have.
this year... our tradition changed. the boys went to the cabin the weekend before and we went to st. george this weekend. our life isn't anything like we thought it would be. on our way home from st george ryan and i talked about how last year they were giving away hot dogs at the cemetery and how we thought it was weird and a little gross to eat food at a cemetery.
oh how our life has changed.
never would i have thought i would not only be eating but sleeping/taking naps at the cemetery.
never would i have thought it would hurt this bad to go to the cemetery.
never would i have thought my daughter would be someone i visit at the cemetery.

they had a program of bag pipes and Scottish dancers.


we showered makenzie with lots of flowers and balloons.
ryan went to tie the ones we brought to the flowers but one balloon got away. we brought 2 that were different colors, one was for Makenzie and the other was for her angel friend Ryker. Apparently Makenzie became to impatient and grabbed hers before we were ready to let them go, I quickly let Rykers go so they could play with them together.



we are so blessed to have such amazing family and friends.
they came to support us and we supported them. we have all lost so much. i hurt to see them. i know they don't have Makenzie either. I wish we could all hold her, kiss her and watch her grow up. She loved her grandparents. She loved her cousins and aunts and uncles. She loved everyone. we are all so blessed to know her. she is such an amazing person. she is so strong, so determined and we can all learn so much from her. I cant begin to express how honored I am to be her Mom. It was a hard day, but at the end when I went to bed, all i could do was thank Makenzie for being mine. I am so lucky to have had her. I am so lucky to have known that level of love. She has taught me so much. She continues to teach me. I love her to the moon.







7 comments :

Alerie said...

I'm sorry this day was nothing like you imagined last year. You are strong and such a beautiful person. Always thinking about you and praying for you!! Sending you lots of BIG hugs!! Much love!!

chelsieaw said...

Kendra,

The butterfly balloon is the same balloon we gave our daughter except we sent it up and it went into a tree I imagine her daddy climbing the tree to get it for her.

Chels

brigette said...

Isnt it amazing the feeling you get when you visit your childs grave? If its anything like mine you go through a million emotions. AHHHH what a life. Your pics are amazing looks like a great day! You guys are great parents!

Emma said...

I'm sorry you didn't get the day you imagined, but am so glad you have such a wonderful support system of family and friends to help you along the way. You are right, they have lost a lot as well. Your sweet girl blessed them all so much, but with that in mind she gave so much in her time here-lessons of love noone else could have taught.
I love the balloons you send to Kenzie, I have no doubt she loves them too!
Hugs to you, Em

Lesley said...

After 18 years of cemetery visits my husband and I still look at each other and can't believe we are visitng our daughter at the cemetery. I used to not understand why people would eat food there either, I've never done it but... you never know, I might. If you get a moment check out my blog for two pictures spanning twenty years of cemetery visits.
www.itsjustapleasurebeingnominated.blogspot.com

Jared and Laura said...

Kendra, you are such an amazing example to me! What a sweet way to pay tribute to Makenzie. Love the the pictures of you and your family...you're beautiful.

TMI Tara said...

What a beautiful day. I'm so glad you have such a supportive family to be there for you. We are always here for you as well. I love you and miss you. Let's get together soon. xo

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