Monday, July 16, 2012

3 years ago

3 years ago I was having some crazy contractions that were keeping me up every night for a full 2 days before actually giving birth. During the day I was perfectly fine. We decided to head up the canyon on the 15th with our friends for a last little evening before we were both going to pop. Allie was having her baby just a couple weeks after me. That night was the start of those crazy contractions. 
Its kind of crazy to me to remember 3 years ago. Never imagining what it would be like to be a Mom. Day dreaming about what this little girl would look like. Scared how our lives would be changing. 
My baby would be 3 years old this year. 
I wonder what she would like. I wonder what kind of spunky personality she would have.
What would the last 3 years have been like raising a little girl?
It almost seems impossible to have a life like that. 
Its hard to imagine a life with baby T. Its hard to picture what we will be doing this time next year. That there will be a child in our home. That we will be a Mom and Dad. 
I am so looking forward to that. 
I am missing my Makenzie so much right now. I missing everything about her. I miss her smell and her eyes and her toes and her ears and the noises she would make. She was the very best thing to come into our lives and I cant believe its been 3 years since we first laid eyes on each other. Some days hurt so much I wonder if ill be able to keep breathing. There have been so many emotions that have gone into this pregnancy. Good and bad. Happiness and fear. Excitement and worry. 
Being 9 weeks away from meeting Makenzies little brother is surreal. 
I cant wait to hold him. I cant wait to love on him. and I cant wait to feel his sister through him.
We have family in town this week which has been keeping us busy. Its nice to keep our minds occupied. We are having a party on Wednesday and I hope it turns out like I am imagining. 
Celebrating my daughters birthday without her here has yet to get easier.

--- The last picture I took being pregnant. July 15th 2009. Life has changed so fast ---

4 comments :

Auntie EM said...

Dear Kendra. It has been quite an amazing 3 years for you and Ryan - hard, tough, and lonely at times (well maybe a lot of the time) and still ....there are those sweet memories of her. My thoughts will be with you and Ryan on Wednesday July 18th - I still write "Kenzie" on my calendar on that day. I hope the party celebrating what would have been her 3rd birthday is perfect and that day is kind to you with loving cherished memories of your girl. I love you guys so much. I too am looking forward to another baby boy in our family. Baby "T" will be loved and adored so very much, just like his beautiful big sister. Love always, Aunt Mary

Ashley said...

Thinking of you...

Trinity said...

Happy Birthday to your forever baby girl!

Rafahi Family said...

I had a feeling today when we texted that it might be today...and I have to say that even though we have never met face to face this photo of you looks different. I can see it in your eyes. I hope that the party goes so well and I will be thinking of your family so much this week!

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