Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thankful

You know what's weird to me? How afraid of death people are. How against it they are. I guess I used to be to. I guess it scared me. The thought of dieing. But having seen the end of someone's life so intimately like I did with Makenzie. It's so clear to me now that it's so not scary. It's not bad. It's the most amazing thing. You are leaving this world. You are leaving hurt, pain, fear. You are going to God. You are living in paradise. You won't get lost. You don't die alone. Angels are there to help you find your way home. For me. I am overjoyed at the thought of going to heaven. That is where my daughter waits for me. That is where I will see her again. For me. It's taking to long. I want to be with her more than anything. I want to meet my Gracie. When this life ends. A whole new and beautiful life begins. How is that scary? The only thing that scares me about death is the death of someone else I love. I'm not scared for them. I'm actually happy for them. I am just scared to live the rest of this life without them. That is what hurts. That is the scary part. I am thankful for my life. I am thankful God has put me where I am today. But I am more thankful that I am not scared. That I don't live in fear of the end coming. I live so that it can end. To fulfill the plan he has for me. To do it the very best I can and to then go home. To see him. To see my family. To hold my baby.
I am thankful he has given me that understanding.

8 comments :

Kim Sheely said...

Kendra,
I could not agree with you more. I am not afraid of death, I am not afraid of dying. It is through death that we are born and get to live. I often think about the faces I will get to see again, the voices I will hear that time has erased, the hugs I will feel from the people I love and miss daily. Like you, I too am afraid of the death of a loved one. Not for them, for me. Left to feel and mourn and miss. Yet, it is so reassuring that Gods promise to us will bring us back together. You are a strong and inspiring women. Thank you for sharing your life so honestly. I am so excited for you to one day hold your little peanut in the presence of God and to know that your heart will be healed. Continued prayers for peace for you and your family.

FRIEDLI'S said...

You don't know me but I am a faithful reader. I emailed you recently and was just wondering if you got it?! tessie11@msn.com

Emma said...

I am so thankful for you, for finding your blog and for seeing you grow in so many incredible ways. You and Ryan have gone through, and are going through the hardest thing in anyones life-and you are still able to see how blessed you are in other ways-that is incredible and I am thankful God has trusted you to take this journey-that He does have a plan for you, that although we don't get it, He does! I am also so thankful for your sweet Kenzie. For the things she continues to teach me about love, life and family and for all those she continues to reach through you! Love and hugs, Em

crystal said...

I agree with you Kendra. We have so much more to go to Heaven for now. We not only get to leave this cruel world and live with Jesus forever but we get to see our Angels. I am so thankful for knowing that I serve a Savior who has promised me a home in Heaven. I am striving every single day to be more Christ like. Praying for you.

Jujubee said...

Wow. What a beautiful perspective. Thank you for sharing- we all should yearn to be with our Savior in Heaven and until then- share His love so everyone here can know him personally... What a beautiful heart you have!!!! Much love.

Tara said...

Beautiful.

Alesha said...

I feel the EXACT same way. I look forward to dying, really. I just hope if anyone else is going to die in my family it is me. :) That is totally selfish but it is just so hard being the ones left here.

The White's said...

I am so greatful with God because he has given me the best sister that I could ever imagine!!! I love you Kendra!! And I know with all my heart that one day You and Ryan and all of us will be able to met with the beautiful Makenzie in Heaven. And I know for a fact that she is there waiting for all of us and specially you but in the mean while she is having lots of fun in heaven. And taking care of her brothers and sisters that soon will come to this earth. And of course Jonathan and I cant wait to meet them!!! :)

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