Thursday, November 17, 2011

Anonymous

This is in regards mostly to the comments left on my Q&A but also every other comment and email I have received.
Isn't it funny the things people will say if their name isn't attached to it.
I find it funny.
Kind of annoying.
and really really ridiculous.
If you feel so strongly about something- own it!
Don't be some sad pathetic ass hole who finds it part of their role in the world to "make sure I know I am a horrible person..."
I don't know what you are trying to accomplish by writing these things. I honestly have hoped you are being paid to write those things because what a sad sad life you are living to follow my blog so closely and take time out of your absolute perfect life to put me down. Seriously if I am such a despicable person why on earth are you reading my blog? Seems so strange to me. I dunno. Live your life and try to find a better hobby.
I didn't realize how many people read between the lines with what I say.  You start your assumptions after I decide to keep certain things in my life private.  Why do you feel that is your job? Who are you to feel you have any right to tell me if I am right or wrong with any decision in life.
My blog is public... I share my thoughts and feelings. I let anyone who wants to into some of the most personal events of my life.  If you don't like it or agree with it why would you stick around? Stop reading. I'm not that interesting. I'm no one special. I do it for myself. I write for my own therapy. and I write just in case there is anyone else out there that is going through a similar situation--- for them to see my outcome. My choices. My happy moments. My sad moments. My I want to die moments.  The blogging world can be so amazing.  You are going into another persons life. You are seeing how they live, what they enjoy, ups and downs. You are experiencing some of the most intimate things in their life.  I don't believe the blogging world, or any world for that matter, is for your use to find the wrong in someone elses life. Concentrate on you own life and making yourself better.

I can handle what you have to say about me. If your silly comments were only read by me I wouldn't really care.  I know my life. I know what has happened. I have walked this path and I know what is right for our family.  But what has really made me angry is that you don't know who is reading this. You don't know who might have to make a choice like Ryan and I.  You think by us taking Makenzie off life support we "killed" her, I cant even find words to explain how ridiculous that is.
Unfortunately too many people have to make that horrible horrible decision.
To take the person they love off life support.
They don't need to feel anymore guilt than they already do.
That has to be the hardest decision of anyones life.
Not only for a parent to take their child off but a child to take a parent off.  Or a wife taking her husband off.
How dare you say something so hurtful about that. I pray you never have to know what that feels like. I pray you are never in that situation.  No one ever should be.  But in real life. So many of us are.  We are doing what we feel is best. No matter what we chose... and why is it such a bad thing to take someone off life support that is ready?
The only thing I could think of leading up to the day Kenzie passed was the thought of her going to heaven. Being with Jesus. Being free. Being without tubes. Being able to move, smile, dance, be kissed, laugh and breathe. All things she couldn't do on earth. All things that were taken away from her.

.... I really don't care to write anymore about the ignorance of people that really know nothing, I'm done giving you another thought. So ill end with just letting everyone know I had to make it so you cant post anonymously anymore (which makes me sad because the majority of anonymous commenter's are sweet and have the best things to say).  I will then approve any comment before its published to ensure whoever you are out there-- you don't have a voice.  I don't need to hear what you have to say and neither does anyone else who might be in a similar situation.

46 comments :

laurammeansbusiness. said...

Kendra, you are so strong! I admire you.

Kim Sheely said...

As always, you are graceful. I prayed so hard the other night that you would not let those comments effect you. I wished so bad I could have erased them before you say them, they simply made me sick. You are an amazing mother and Makenzie is very lucky to have you as her Mommy! Thanks Kendra for letting us in and reminding us how to be graceful.

KnottedFingers said...

I am so so so sorry Kendra. These people who post such things as 'anonymous' are sick people who need to stop trolling under the guise of 'anonymous'. They obviously have never lost a child and therefor think they can judge someone who's been there.

I think you are an amazing person. And I'm honored to know you. And as a person who has taken a child off of life support I want to send you hugs ((((())))

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry people are so crappy. I was actually just talking about your blog to my sister today and telling her how stong you are and how your story just breaks my heart. I prayed for you. I remember when I first found your blog and I was reading it in bed one night just sobbing. The decision that you had to make was the hardest thing anyone would ever have to go through. And it was a decision that you made out of love. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. You OBVIOUSLY love Makenzie so much. She is gorgeous!!! You are so incredibley strong, I know your daughter is so proud of you. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Stefany said...

I am so sorry that people can be so mean. I think you are very brave and such a wonderful unselfish mother to let your beautiful baby go to heaven and be free and whole. You and your family are in my prayers.

Tracy said...

Good for you Kendra!! It's unfortunate that you had to do that, but it's even more unfortunate with the reasons why. I can't believe how sick some people can truly be with the things they say. You are such a strong and amazing person and should NEVER have to feel guilt from ANYONE with the horrible things you and your husband have had to endure and the decisions you've both had to make. You, Ryan and Makenzie, and the Lord, are the ONLY ones who truly knew what was best for her in that time, and it is no one else's business to make assumptions or judgements for what that was. Bottom line, you LOST your precious daughter, and no one should ever have to go through what you and your husband have had to. So many people love you and support your blog, so for those that just want to cause trouble for no reason, they can kick rocks! Happy Anniversary yesterday btw! Could you and your hubby be any cuter? Seriously! =)

Emma said...

So well said, I am so proud of you! (I know, totally motherly, but really, just full of love and admiration!). You are incredible and I think your choice about posting totally makes sense-bravo! :-) Em

Robyne said...

Hi Kendra,
I just read this post and had to check out the comments that were left you on a previous post. I could not believe what I just read. I am so sorry that people could be so ignorant. Anyways, I love reading your blog. You are so real with your feelings and I feel at times I can relate to you, especially with the anxiety. There are times that my anxiety gets so bad that I can't leave my house. Yet as a wife and Mother of 4 kids, I know that I have to push the anxiety and fears aside and keep pressing forward in life.

Thank you for being you! For sharing your life with us. I find peace in reading your posts. I know that makenzie loves you and Ryan very much. I hope and pray that you will be blessed with another baby soon.

You are wonderful!

believinginsomething said...

All I care to say is...AMEN!!!!!

The Mueller Family5 said...

Oh so very wonderfully & intelligently put. You are so strong. I enjoy your blog so much & wish for only good things for you & your husband.

Ryan,Erika,Kaylee and Khloe Pettersson said...

I'm so glad Kendra that all these negative people that judge you don't really get to you. I love your attitude, love reading your blog and I pray that you can get a positive result very soon. You are so loving and happy... There should be more moms like you out there. I'm a better mom thanks to reading your story and although I wish I had a different story to read on here, I'm thankful for your strength and decision to put it all out there for people who appreciate it and make their life a little better because of it. I wish you and Ryan the best of luck on your journey to expand your beautiful family!!

Sharla said...

I seriously do hope that you never ever take those ridiculous comments to heart, the people who make them are very sad lonely people who obviously hate life and take it out on everyone else. Your are such an amazing person and have made all the right decisions for you and Ryan, they may not be the right decisions for other people. But everyone is entitled to make their own choices and no one else has the right to say if it's right or wrong.

We are sending good pregnancy vibes your way and hope that a lil peanut finds it's way to you soon!

Rose said...

Well said hon, well said! You are amazing and I am in awe of how well you can write and get it all out!

Much love and hugs!

Lea and her Mustangs said...

Amen go gettem Kendra - You are strong. I can not believe someone would even think those things let alone writing them to you. Bless you big. You don't know me, I am old enough to be your grandma and I pray for you daily. Bless you

Jeanna said...

Kendra -
You can only take it as a compliment that so many people read your blog. Throw away the negative and remember the positive and move on. Don’t let it get to you, (so much easier said than done for sure!) I am truly appalled at the way peoples manners go out the window when it comes to certain topics i.e. kids, pregnancy, and all questions related. It is ASTONISHING !
I spent the day with my son who stayed home from school with a stomach ache (he’s 9). I hate the feeling of helplessness I have when my boys are sick, even if only for a day. I can’t imagine the agony you went through watching your baby girl get sick and then sicker and then saying good bye. My heart goes out to you.
Good luck with your blood test, and please keep blogging,you help lots more people than there are haters....
Jeanna

Robin said...

I am shocked right now! I can't believe you would have someone trying to bring you down! How in the world do some people's brains work? Obviously, they aren't for them to think it is ok to try and make someone grieving the loss of their sweet baby girl, feel bad and like a bad person. I really hope that deep down in your heart and mind you don't for 1 second believe that those kinds of people have any truth in their vicious, poisonous mouths. (or in this case, their fingers) You are a great mom, we can all see that. You did what you had to, and some just don't understand the strength it took. I admire you and Ryan both. When all is said and done, all that matters is the knowledge and love that you and Ryan, God and Makenzie have on the whole thing. The four of you know... and one day, the wicked will have to answer to God for their hateful ways. Praying for you always!

Presley & Charlotte Gleason said...

Perfectly put!!!! You are perfect with words!! I was infuriated by the ignorance and I'm relieved that no one, especially you, has to read the spew from these people anymore!! Having to take a loved one, especially a child off life support is not something that anyone can judge. Knowing your loved one is free from pain and hurt and they are in Gods arms is a beautiful piece of knowledge. Im sorry you had to go to these measures but if it saves someone in a position like that from feeling guilt or bad then it's worth it. So happy you are so amazing and strong and such a sweet girl!! Smooches! Xoxo mindy

Lisa F said...

Class act!

Jessica and Reece said...

Some people are ridiculous and cowardly and just plain mean. I think it's the most insecure person who has to knock another person down just to feel better about him/herself. Shame on them. You are wonderful -- don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Mandy said...

I don't usually comment but I read your blog daily. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are amazing and so strong. I truly admire you for surviving such a tragic loss. I know that you made the best decisions for you babies. Stay strong sweet girl. I'll continue to pray for you :)

Rafahi Family said...

That is just sick! I really cannot believe that people can be so sick and disgusting! Wow. Unbelievable. As someone else stated earlier, I hope you do not take those nasty comments to heart. You and Ryan are such strong people to make public all of your heartache, pain, happiness, struggles and any other moments you seem just. I thank you for that!

caseyp said...

Amen amen Amen!!! Glad you and Ryan are strong people who make hard choices... You both are amazing!

Wendy said...

GOOD FOR YOU! I could live a million years and never understand the need to tear another person down, especially about something as grueling as losing a loved one. May they be blessed to never know what that feels like. I sat in the hospital with a critically ill child for nine days last spring. I praise the Lord she is still with us, but so many of the families did not have that same joy. What a humbling experience to be surrounded by the strong families, making the tough choices and showing the unconditional love that it takes to do so! You know, your husband knows and your baby knows and that is all that counts!

Bri Nelson said...

Oh Kendra! I am so sorry that you had to hear such hurtful and horrible things. Remember how many people love and support you! Remember that God loves you!!! You are an amazing person!

caitlin and brinton said...

Screw 'em.

Shawna said...

I second what Kim Sheely and so many others said above. I too prayed you would not let the hurtful things that were said get to you and I am thanking God that you did not and that you handled it so well. You are such a strong lady Kendra!

Shawna said...

I second what Kim Sheely and so many others said before. I too was praying that those hurtful comments would not get to you and I am thanking God that they did not. You are a strong lady Kendra and a blessing to so many!

Kennedy Klan said...

"WOW", just as I begin to think you can't get any stronger, you yet again through out another huge tough punch like this! ((WAY TO GO))... Kendra you nailed it for me when you said that you write just in case there is anyone else out there that is going through a similar situation. I personally have never lost a child, but I have people very close to me that have. Your blog has helped me understand more about their feelings and what they are going through. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have seen the I want to die moments with my friend. Your blog has helped teach me how to just be there for her. I appreciate your openness so much, you are a great strength in my life.
I too pray that you and Ryan will be blessed with another child. I pray that Makenzie can comfort you in your hardest moments when you need her the most. I even pray for all people to never have to experience the pain that you have endured. God bless you and Ryan, you are amazing people.
<3

rcbe1 said...

Kendra,
I like you do not understand why people feel it is their job to judge others. I have followed your blog for awhile now and think you are wonderful and have such a great outlook on life. Life is hard! I wish we all would just realize that and support each other on our journey. Most of all I want you to know that McKenzie is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen of course you already knew that :) So sorry for all the hurt you have to experiance in life! Charlene

Katie said...

Beautifully written, as usual :D

Melissa said...

I commented before on the insensitive ass who thought he/she had the right to tell you ANYTHING. Just wanted to add one more thought and then I am done, I'm sure that the numbers of mother's who have lost children that read this blog are HUGE. I know that you are helping them by putting out there everything that you and Ryan are going through. Just wanted to tell you that you not only are helping them, you are also helping mom's like me who (thankfully) have not lost a child. You remind me every time that I read your blog to appreciate my kiddos more. To spend more time with them and love them so much more. I think your blog is a wonderful tool, I think you are completly selfLESS in putting it out there and I just wanted to thank you for all those beautiful reminders! I do believe that you will be blessed with another child and I will be so freakin dang excited for you when it happens!!!

Camille Ford said...

This Post breaks my heart that some one can be so ignorant to write such things. I don't know you but i have followed your blog for a while and just by reading your blog i know you are a Wonderful strong person! I learn so much from your blog and its a reminder to me to cherish every moment i have with my kids. And i am thankful to you for putting it all out there for everyone to read! I wish you the best in your Journey and pray for you that you will have the happiness to have more little ones in your home to bless with your love! You are an Amazing Person!

{B} said...

Oh good hell, people are so stupid. I've read your blog for awhile and find you extremely real and VERY spritual. More than I and I can "attach" myself to a religion. I think you can disable anonymous comments on here! That would solve it. :) But don't linger on this...it makes them stronger and you weaker!
-B

The Cade Family said...

Way to go. If someone cannot own it, then they shouldn't have a voice...at all.

Auntie EM said...

Well said sweety. I know you will rise above the things that were said. You and Ryan have absolutely no one to answer to about your decisions. Your post made me cry because you understand so much at your age. I love you and Ryan. Auntie M

Kiley said...

I echo what everyone else has said. How dare anyone try and say anything about what you and your husband did for your child. So sad that people can be like that!

Lacey said...

You don't know me, I am a friend of Caitlin's. I follow your blog on a regular basis. I couldn't even imagine making that hard decision, but knowing that my baby could live happier/healthier in heaven would be the only reason I could do it. As moms we are not selfish we do everything for a reason, our children. Know that you are a strong women and that you are doing what is best for your children and family. Life doesn't always go the way we want it but we has moms have to make it our own and protect what is most important to us. And I agree with Cailtin "Screw'em"

Amy said...

I have read your entire blog, but I do not comment often. Yours is a hard road that God does not choose for the weak and simple minded. He knew this would be a hard path for you, but you of all people have been given a gift. A gift of true selfless love. I don't even think I posses it if we're to be honest.

You who have held everything and chose to give it back to the Lord when He asked you to. You chose to trust in Him and his judgement, and at such a severe cost to yourself.

You are an amazing and inspiring person, and I am sorry that on top of all you have had to endure you have also been faced with such harsh judgement.

I too have had to place comment moderation on my blog and disallow "anonymous" posters. I have only had 2 rude comments in the year I have had my new blog up with moderation on. It's been quite refreshing. Amazing how much taking away someone's ability to post anonymously also seems to take away their courage. It's so much easier to stab someone in the back without risk of being hurt, then to face them head on.

I hope that comment moderation brings you some security back and you continue to blog, even if just for yourself. If you find something that helps you shouldn't let anyone ruin that for you.

Wishing you all the best,

Amy Willis.

michelle said...

Well said! You know there is an old saying that many people would do well to remember..."But for the grace of God go I."
When you are tempted to think you judge someone just be thankful you don't have their trials/circumstances, because really no one knows how they will react in a certain situation until they are faced with it.

Amanda said...

VERY well said. You go girl, you are the bomb.com! We all LOVE you soooooo much!!! Look at how many loving followers you have and ONE stupid JACKASS that claims they are "Christian" and poses to be GOD? WTF?!! You are amazing and inspirational and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I have learned so much from you and want to be a better person everyday because of your unconditional love and example. I love you girl! Keep on going....I can't wait to have tears of joy instead of grief for you!!!

Katie said...

I've been reading your blog for a little over a year now. You don't know me. But I am amazed at you. And I'm trying to pick my jaw up off the floor due to what "anonymous" people feel they can write. You've taught me so much about the important things in life. Thank you for sharing your life and heart with us. I hope you continue to do so!!

Kelsi said...

I honestly cried when I read the hurtful comments left here! Especially when I read the hurt in your moms comment for you! That is just a double whammy! I am so sorry! Thanks for being willing to continue sharing with those who can appreciate you and your beautiful words. You are amazing! P.S. I bought a cook book like I said I would! It feels good to be able to do something for you to assit you on your journey to Motherhood! Sending you ((HUGS))Kelsi

Toni said...

Boo, Boo on that person. I have been in your shoes to make that life or death decision not for one child but 3 now in my life, it’s a decision I wish on no one. I don’t blog or write about it other than in my own personal paper, one that someday I hope my one Princess will read and understand the sacrifice it has taken just to get her here. I am sorry that people feel the need to point fingers, when they have never walked this sucky path. I'm glad you called that person out, and I agree if you can’t post and own your comments you don’t need to have a voice.

Chelsea Blasius Lewis said...

Kendra- It really is sad that people are ignorant. Your story inspires me. Every time I think that my life is rough I am reminded that there are people out there who have gone through so much worse and they are still pushing through. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us! You are an amazing person! I hope you and your family enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Mr Lonely said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Gustafson Family said...

Oh I am so sad that you had a mean, nasty, judgeful comment! I had one of those too last year and had to make my blog private for several months because I was so hurt. Like you and your husband, we do our best to provide the best medical care for our terminally ill son and I cannot believe that anonymous individuals would choose to judge so harshly. They really should mind their own business and remember that if they don't have anything nice to say, to not say anything at all.

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