Monday, November 14, 2011

Q&A

1.      I've always wondered how you get so much time with "mini"? Where are her parents and are you the full-time nanny? She is lucky to have an aunt like you!
Like I have mentioned before the mini is my niece.  She is the sweetest girl and we love her to pieces.  We love having her around so whenever we get the chance we take full advantage.  My brother is her Dad and he and his wife are definitely around.

2.     Are you and your husband LDS?
Ryan and I are not apart of any particular religion.  We are very spiritual and believe in most everyone elses Christian views but we don’t associate ourselves with any one religion.  This has been a source for some not so nice comments and emails from people.  The only thing I want to say about anything regarding the way we live our life and how others think we should live our life--- mind your own business. 
And that should go for anyone.  I don’t care what particular religion you are or what you believe… NO matter what you have the right to live the way you believe is right and no one else should say its right or wrong.  I'm sorry but I cant believe some of the ignorant comments that have been left and we are not associated with the religion they are accusing us of being bad examples of. So that makes me really upset at the things people are saying to another who really is an active member of any religion.  It honestly makes me laugh because you sound absolutely ridiculous.  No one is perfect and we all make mistakes.  You act like everyone should live an exact way just because they believe a certain thing. I respect everyone and their beliefs.  Whether I agree or not I would never say you are WRONG because you're not.  Ryan and I live our life day to day.  We make choices based on prayer and what we feel is right for us.  We would never say the decisions we have made is right for everyone else.

3.     I hope this is not to personal, but you are a pretty open girl so I am not too concerned I will offend you! :) Have you and your husband taken measures to be SURE you will not get pregnant with his sperm again? What would happen if you conceive by accident? 
Also, would you consider an egg donor and your husbands sperm, or is this much more complicated and expensive?
I understand this is a questions some might wonder about but it honestly made me laugh.  I guess I find it funny because I cant believe someone would actually ask this.  I wont really get into it because I think that’s very personal but I will just let you know we are very aware of the risks and we know how to prevent a pregnancy.

 As for using a donor egg in the future. Its definitely something we are open to.  It is much more invasive and expensive so for right now we are just taking things one day at a time. If we feel that is the right way to go at some point, I am all over it.

4.     I remember you mentioning, or hinting at, during your childhood you were in the system at some point? Is this correct or did I misread something? 

If this is too personal, I totally understand! But for some reason, I had this thought that you grew up with several siblings and then didn't have parents or were taken away from them, and then I was confused when you spoke of your mother more recently! 

I love your blog. LONG time reader, Longer time Pray-er! :-) I appreciate you taking the time to do a Q&A... it makes us not feel so intrusive when the blog owners take a little time out once in a while to sort of "dialogue" with their readers!
It is true my little brother and I were in the system.  This area of my life isn’t necessarily private because anyone who knows me knows about this but I just haven’t found it a topic to talk about on here.  My little brother and I were put in foster care when I was 13 and he was 11.  My incredible older sister and her husband gained custody of us and we lived with her for sometime.  My Mom then got back custody of us and we lived with her until we moved out as adults.  I have an amazing relationship with my Mom. She is one of the most incredible people I have ever known. What she has been through in life is unimaginable. 
I don’t have any relationship with my father.

5.    First of all I would like to say that I think that you are amazing. You are honest, and a perfect example of a mother's love.
You are also so caring, brave and unselfish to open yourself up to questions from strangers or others who read your blog. It is inspiring to see/ read about someone that is so genuine.
My question is about SMARD. I am wondering if your miscarriage was a result of the disease or was it just like many miscarriages -- unknown cause?
I pray and hope that you will get pregnant and have a beautiful baby soon. The world needs more mothers like you in this world.
Although SMARD is not what took our Gracie, It would have ended up killing her at some point in her life.  I believe Makenzie couldn’t stand to see her little sister live the life she did so she made sure she never had to leave heaven.

6.    Kendra, you are such a doll. So sweet and open and fiercely loving. I have really been blessed by reading your blog and most of all I have loved getting to know and love your sweet baby girl. You had inspired me as a Mommy!!! 
I have one question I've wondered for a long time... Do you have a particular faith or church you belong to?
Oh I guess one more- do you have siblings? Thanks for being so open... I have to say I don't think I'd quite want to answer ALL the questions people emailed me because sometimes its just too personal and irrelevant. Much love and hugs!
I think I already answered the religion question but just to clarify we are not apart of any one religion.  If someone asks us what our religion is… I say “Christian” and Ryan says “I believe in God.”  We don’t go to church but we sure pray a lot J  I know there is a God. I know heaven is real. I know my Makenzie is safe and is not alone somewhere.  I believe what is in my heart and the good I do in life is what God will judge me on.  That is what makes you a good person in my eyes.  I strive to be better everyday. To help someone else. No matter how big or small.

And about siblings…
We have a few J
Ryan has 1 sister.
I have 6 sisters and 3 brothers. 
I should take this opportunity to tell you about each of my siblings because they are all so important and special to us.  We love them all more than anything and we couldn’t imagine our lives without them.  I love each and everyone of my 7 sisters and 3 brothers J

7.    I just recently stumbled across your blog and have only been reading for a little while, but I wanted to tell you that I have been blown away by your bravery and honesty. Although you didn't choose to deal with such a staggering loss, you have chosen to survive it in a very graceful and admirable way. So thank you for putting your journey out there -- I know it's probably more for healing purposes than for your readers, but I find it very inspiring.
My question is a maybe-too-personal one, so please feel free to ignore it. I am wondering how you came to decide on the way in which you will be continuing your family? I ask because I have been through the whole IVF thing, and I was wondering if it was more a philosophical or a practical decision to avoid IVF/PGD? I had different issues but similar options, and went a different way, so I was just curious how you came to a decision on that.
--Jennifer
As you might remember we initially decided we were going to adopt.  We weren’t sure how or when but that is what felt right at the time.  It wasn’t just a couple weeks later Ryan and I had the idea of a sperm donor presented to us.  Before this we had always said we didn’t feel we would ever choose that route.  For some reason this time when it was brought up… We knew it was what we had to do.  I am not sure exactly what happened for us to change our minds pretty much overnight other than the feeling.  We are doing IUI in order to get pregnant with the donor sperm which is much less invasive than IVF.  My doctor didn’t think IVF was necessary.  So far I have been lucky enough to not have much of an issue getting pregnant so he believes IUI is the best thing for us.

8.    Hi Kendra, I come across you blog from reading Ashley Sulengers Blog. I want to tell you I have shed many tears from the both of you! You both are amazing ladies I just want to be your friend!! I love people like you that can be real and be yourself. I live in So. Utah and have 5 little kids, and after reading your blogs I appreciate each and every day I spend with them. So thank you so very much for teaching me to be the best mom I can be! My question for you is, I have a friend a really good friend that lost her little girl 6 years ago. She was handicapped and died after a surgery at her home in her moms arms. Anyway, my question is how can I still let my friend know I am always thinking about her and her loss? Or do I?? I am not sure if I should bring up this sensitive subject with her just to let her know I am hear for her?? Because in September (the month she passed) is my friends hardest month she struggles every year. Help please.
Thank you sooo much for asking this question.  It is soo important to anyone who losses someone but especially a parent that loses a child.  The biggest fear is for the world not knowing who they were or for people to forget.  No matter how big or small a comment or action, anything that someone does that lets me know they remember or are acknowledging Makenzie is HUGE.  Sometimes it is hard.  Sometimes it might not seem like the right time but honestly its always the right time.  I am sure if your friend is anything like me, her thoughts are consumed with her daughter. No matter how good a day or what I am doing, My thoughts are ALWAYS on Makenzie.  Thinking how it would be if she was here, thinking what she would be doing, wearing, saying… I can understand that it might seem really awkward or even forced to say something at times but I would rather hear that forced comment than no comment at all. 
I hope my MIL doesn’t mind me saying this but the other day she was talking to me and told me that when she woke up that morning, knowing she was going to spend the evening with her girls, she was going to pretend someone was Makenzie just for the evening.
This might seem silly or odd to some but it meant the world to me.  To know she misses Makenzie that much. That she wishes she was here to.  That she imagines her life with Makenzie in it. It was about having that physical connection with someone and pretending that someone is our Makenzie.
I would say to you, in order to help your friend… Just say her daughters name, keep a picture of her in your house, send her a birthday card, give her a Christmas ornament reminding her of her little girl, ask to hear stories, ask to see pictures, just say something.  Believe me--- I know its hard.  I have trouble knowing what to say to someone. You want to help and you want to make things better but there is nothing that you can say that will change anything.  But saying nothing makes things worse. 
Ignoring what they are living is not okay. 

9.    All I want to know is if you will do Q&A's once in a while? Not so much making a post to specifically ask for questions, but once in a while going through recent comments and doing a post? Thanks for doing this!! It really does help to have a dialogue with someone who's life you peer so personally into on an almost daily basis! Oh I do have another question... Do you think you'll do Kenzie days for ever or did you plan to stop at a certain point? I think you do them every month on/around the day of her birth, no? Does your extended family always participate? Do you ever feel like anyone doesn't want to? Lastly: does the balloon shop have a special discount card for you guys since you're there so much!! I'm certain you could buy stock in balloons and keep the stock high yourself! I love it and I know MRW does too! J
I will definitely need to start keeping up on my comments. I appreciate everyone of them.  I guess I just didn’t realize the dialogue back and forth was so important but seeing your side… HELLO it totally is… I'm sorry!
As for Kenzie Days… So this time last year we thought okay we might end it and just have it the first year kind of thing.  It wasn’t just a few days into January and I knew I had to do it again.  I wasn’t ready to have it end.  For me its my most favorite day.  A day I have to plan something in honor of Makenzie every month.  I would do it everyday if I could.  When we started Kenzie Day’s it was amazing.  I have a big family and it was hard to get everyone together. I would go months and months without talking to some of my siblings.  With Kenzie Day--- It gives everyone a chance to get together. It’s the same every month and I try to do new and fun things.  For me it’s a win win… We do it on the 13th because I knew that would be the worst day for the rest of my life.  The 13th is the day my Makenzie took her last breathe.  So I wanted to make it a day to celebrate her instead of a day I would ache without her.  For the past 2 years only our immediate family has come.  We wanted to keep it small and more intimate.  I still don’t know what we are going to do next year. I have a feeling I wont be able to say goodbye yet.  We will see… and over the past 2 years a couple people have stopped coming.  Life is so busy and things get in the way so its nothing that I am upset about.  I sure miss them but Its always been something that is there but I don’t want anyone to feel they HAVE to come.  Only that they WANT to.  Ill be stuffing my face with food and partying the night away no matter what so I'm good with anything.
And for Balloons J
I wish I had like a frequent buyers card or a credit card that earned me balloon points.  That would be awesome!!  I am a little obsessed with balloons especially finding new ones that I haven’t used before.  I am always searching stores and online.  I buy a lot of my balloons wholesale so they are a bit cheaper- however it just means I have A LOT of the exact same one.  I usually get my helium tanks anywhere I see one.  I try to just pick one up any chance I get just so I always have one on hand.  I am telling you there are more nights than not where I just need to send my girl a balloon of kisses.

10 I do have a question, do you facebook? I would love to follow you there too. :)
I do have facebook… I don’t post much at all so don't expect much excitement from me.  Its pretty much just the same as this blog but there are a few more pictures from time to time.  If you want to be friends just ask! I will gladly accept you.  Sometimes its easier to chat through there than through the blog or emails. 
 ................................
 ...........................
...................

I hope all my answers made sense.  I know with some of them I was a bit vague and its just because somethings should be a little more private.  Like just between Ryan and I private. I am so thankful for everyone who asked a question though.  It means a lot that you would care about us to want to know more. That you want to help our crazy life and give advice.  I hope my answers didn’t come off to brash or rude.  Nothing was directed at anyone.  More just wanting to make sure I get my point across.  Thank You all sooo much again for asking.  If you want me to do more of these just let me know.  I know questions come up all the time and Ill try to do better at responding to comments.  Please just know we love them so much and treasure each and everyone of them.  I promise you are helping me get through this life somewhat alive ;)

60 comments :

Jessica and Reece said...

You are so brave and so incredibly strong and I admire you in ways I don't think I could possibly convey. I've been thinking a lot about you lately, and thinking a lot about Kenzie. I loved what you said about Kenzie and her baby sister, and I'm sure it brings you so much comfort to know that they are taking care of each other and waiting for the day that they get to hold you and Ryan again. Love you, Kendra! Praying for you every day...

Anonymous said...

Since you clearly don't follow any ethical or moral guidelines of any particular religion now it all makes "sense" why you thought nothing of callously aborting Gracie.I'd hate to think what you'd do if God forbid, you ever had another child with something wrong and I hope you never get another chance to.You obviously don't value life.

Anonymous said...

She didn't "abort" Gracie she misscarried

JessicaJ said...

Anonymous, you are DISGUSTING.

Kendra I've never commented before but feel compelled to do so now. I don't know you but thank you for sharing MRW's life with us. I pray for you and your family, and sharing your story has given me strength in my time of need. Thank you so so much.

Anonymous, you are a filthy, evil, vile person. You have no courage to put your name with your disgusting vitriol. You hide behind anonymous like the coward you are. How DARE you judge someone you don't know. You act like you are Godly and above everyone else. Perhaps you are not as familiar with Him as you would like to believe, otherwise you would remember Matthew 7

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.


You are swine. You are evil. The Devil works through nasty people like you. Pray that Jesus will save your soul, and save your judgement for yourself.

Anonymous said...

The comment about knowing how to prevent a pregnancy struck me: you'd just kill it before it can be born like you did with the last one. It wasn't a "miscarriage" it was an abortion!Why don't you just admit it? You are "Christian" in name only as you ignore the "Thou shall not kill" part. I guess you just pick and choose what parts you like? Hypocrite.The truth hurts and you don't want to hear it but it needs to be said as unpopular as it is.

Autumn said...

Kendra, I know you know very well not to listen to idiots like the one above. You know what happened and only God can judge you, so I hope these hateful, Godless comments don't hurt you.

Your story inspires me and reminds me that I am mortal and even though my husband-to-be and I may be healthy, it doesn't mean we can't carry something lethal in our genes to pass on to our children. I don't know you, but I love you and your family and wish you the best with the sperm donation conception.

You're fabulous, a great mom, wife, and person and don't you forget it.

Anonymous said...

People post as anonymous because they don't want to be attacked when people don't like what they have to say and it's not being judgmental as Christians are commanded to call out and admonish sin and wrongdoing.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous 8:29 am abortion is a sin but I hope for your sake and for the sake of your soul that they just merely misunderstood. Terminating a pregnancy is not something a Christian would do, however, if you really did,then you don't deserve another chance to have another baby or to be a mother.God won't keep sending you babies to kill.

Anonymous said...

Here is my hope for the previous anonymous posters: I hope that YOU all never have children to inherit your ignorant, judgmental nonsense. The last thing the world needs is another miserable person masquerading as a believer, just to be able to have a platform to spew hatred and lack basic human decency. I very seriously doubt that you even know what you are talking about, but supposing you are right -- until you have watched a child be born only to suffer unspeakably and then die, you should hold your tongue. No truly loving parent would knowingly let an innocent child suffer that way. If nothing else should be obvious to you from reading this blog, it is that Kendra loves her daughter. Quit being blog trolls and go find something positive to do with your time.

Linda said...

Please all readers don't pay attention to those stupid people. You can tell by what they are saying, they are just trying to start something. Just ignore them and show them that they are not important because come on in reality they are NOT!! As for Kendra you are doing the best you can and don't let people that haven't walked in your shoes ever make you feel bad. Just know that a lot of us love you and Ryan!!! :-)

Julie said...

Kendra,
I have definitely enjoyed your Q & A and appreciate your openness. I just wanted to let you know that if you ever felt the need to block anonymous commenters, turn the comments off for a while or moderate comments, those readers who care about you would definitely understand and be supportive of your decision. It's clear you have one particularly hate-filled troll who is either partially illiterate or deliberately misunderstanding what you write and any steps that you need to take to be rid of them would certainly be welcomed by all those who have any interest in your well-being.

Anonymous said...

I am not the harsh anon poster above, but I can see how someone might think Kendra got an abortion if they ONLY read the answer "SMARD is not what took our Gracie"--and then the question about birth control also is a little vague so assumptions will be made (rude ones, at that). Miscarriages happen for no reason in particular sometimes--and in this case I think it was a blessing in disguise from God. We love you Kendra!! :) :)

Kerri said...

Kendra, you don't know me but I feel like I know you. You are so strong and amazing! I can't believe people would be so rude in their comments on your blog. To me is seems that if they don't approve of something they should quit reading. But anyway, reading your blog reminds me how blessed I am to be a mother and to cherish every moment I have with my little ones.

Erin said...

Thank you Kendra for sharing. Thinking of you and hope you have some good news to share with us very soon!! To the anonymous comments, grow up. God doesn't judge, and neither should you. You are sinning by leaving negative comments! If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!!

The Tarbets said...

Kendra, I really enjoy your blog and find myself wanting to check it to see how everything is going and especially with your tries at conceiving a baby. I don't know you personally, I found the blog thru Ashley Sullenger's.I keep you and your husband in my prayers and hope that the right time for having a baby is just around the corner for you two. Thank you for allowing a total stranger to read your blog, because you are a wonderful person and very inspiring! You are welcome to follow mine. www.ktarbets.blogspot.com

*Also, I don't understand why people would follow this blog and write such horrible things as comments. Quick fix....quit following it if that's how you truly feel.

Anonymous said...

Even if both girls had SMARD it is still wrong to take them off life support and to abort them. Murder is still murder no matter what, no exceptions.We cannot play God. We should leave the outcome to Him. I too get riled up with righteous indignation at people who kill their own babies. It's bad enough if godless heathens do it(in their ignorance) but it's even worse for so-called believers(who should know better) and I don't know why people can support a woman who killed her own babies.

Erin said...

To anonymous: Please stop reading this blog and posting negative comments. You are being very hurtful.

Anonymous said...

Miscarriage is nobody's fault, but abortion, however, is a completely different story all together and can never be justified or condoned. Which is it Kendra? I think it's time you are more clear as some people think you miscarried Gracie and others think you aborted her.It's misleading. Aborting due to defects is eugenics.

Katie said...

Thank you so much for the Q&A Kendra! I love your blog and your honesty.

I hope you can just delete and forget the anon trolls.

Thank you again!

Linda said...

Kendra is your life and you write and answer the questions you like.. If your not ready to talk more about Gracie or if you don't want to then don't. Let all those idiots out there think whatever the hell they want. You write what you want and what you don't well then all those others can just go to where they came from. :-)

Bekah, Cameron, and Cayden said...

I don't normally comment, but strongly feel that I should. To those who believe that taking a child off life support is murder, you are wrong. If the Lord wanted those taken off life support to live he would make it so they did. The Lord took Mckenzie back, he needed her!!!! Kendra did not murder her, SMARD took her life. I don't know if Kendra chose to have an abortion or miscarried, but it is no ones business but her own. She is the one who is going to have to stand before God at judgement day, not you standing there with her! You will be judged on your actions and knowledge of the gospel. You are not God, let him do the judging. Yes, she has an open blog for all to read, but if you don't like what she is saying then don't read. Simple as that!!!
Kendra, I love reading your blog, I love what you have to say, so please don't listen to the rude ignorant comments that some people have left. You do not need to explain yourself or justify your actions to anyone. What you choose to do is between you, Ryan, and God! *hugs*

Anonymous said...

I tend to agree with the posters that think Grace was aborted as Kendra is so vague and if it was an accidental miscarriage she'd be quick to say so to defend that she's not a baby killer.It's not what she said but what she didn't say that says it all. If so, she is despicable!

Anonymous said...

If you have your private life and controversial things on your blog publically put out there for all the world to see you have to expect some questions, disagreement,and criticism. Not everyone will agree with you and this is the nature of blogging and the fall-out.If you can't handle it then keep your private life to yourself.

Tammy Scofiled said...

I have never commented before but I cannot imagine criticizing someone for their decisions. I could not imagine making the decisions that Kendra and her husband have made and am so sorry that they had to. The one thing that I absolutely love about coming to this blog is that you can feel the love that she has for what she posts about. I hope that you have to NEVER walked her road because she is doing it with a grace and dignity that is amazing.

Erin said...

To the anonymous commentors: Please stop reading this blog and leaving your mean and awful comments. They are extremely hurtful.

Anonymous said...

Just because people disagree with posts doesn't mean that they're trolls,and people just feel strongly about what they believe in and there are a lot of disturbing unanswered questions here.

Bekah, Cameron, and Cayden said...

Unanswered questions that Kendra does not have to answer.

Katherine said...

Having a daughter of my own. I can't imagine what Kendra and her family have been through. Hopefully no one judging her will ever have to go through something so awful. God judges people and as Christians we should not judge anyone!

Anonymous said...

People are kind of scary...I mean OH MY, you really think you need Kendra to "answer to you" and tell you private details of her life? baha, its a little comical. I mean, I understand people are in similar situations and need advise or whatever...but REALLY, you NEED a Q&A post to get answers to your questions??? Are you THAT obsessed? Does she really need to answer to you? I would think if she wanted the world to know she would post it right? I mean, she is very open.... And to the troll judging things she does not know shit about....you are a judgeMENTAL freaking pshyco...(emphasis on the MENTAL). Yikes. Get a life. Screw you. And go pop some pills to control the mental illness you OBVIOUSLY have. Im so glad Kendra has so many that love and support her in real life and in the world of blogging! You deserve to be happy! And I love that you get sooo much support! I am amazed you can put up with so many pshyco obsessed people-you are a strong woman!!! And I cant wait for you to get prego and have a beautiful baby!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I read a blog where they knew their unborn baby only had half a heart and would not survive yet they did the right thing and didn't abort him. They continued the pregnancy and he was born at 36 weeks and lived for 21 hours but they can live with themselves and sleep at night knowing they have a clear conscience and did not kill their baby.Can you say the same thing? If you don't want people to know your business then don't have a blog that advertises it to everyone.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you read a lot of blogs...good for you.... Now keep your mouth shut about things you know nothing about. I dont care who you are or where you came from. You are a freaking pshyco. And obviously miserable. Now Get a life that does not revolve around strangers and blogs and the internet.

Kennedy Klan said...

I honestly can see now why people choose to make their blogs private. Its because there are people out in this world that choose to hurt others, to judge others to make themselves feel better. Im going to be honest here, after reading the post by the person that choose to remain a coward and post anonymous I had to stop reading all comments. I am hurt that there are people like you "anonymous" that feel the need to be so mean to someone that you don't even know. Have you ever lost a child? Do you know what its like to fall in love with a small precious gift only to have that gift ripped away from you? I don't think you do.. And the anger I have right now for you makes me hope, pray and wish that you never have such a gift YOU are the one that does not deserve to have a child!
How dare you come on here and hide behind a wall"Anonymous" and post the CRAP that you have posted. If you are brave enough to post your words then post them under your real name you coward.
I think it takes a real genuine person like Kendra to come on the internet and posts her thoughts, her feelings, and express her love towards her precious daughter. This blog is her place to vent to hurt and to heal. She only shares this with the rest of the world hoping and trying to make them aware. To teach us unknown about what it does feel like to loose something that you cherish so much. To help us understand how to be there for those that have lost. To help us all be better people and cherish the ones we love because they can be taken from us all at anytime.
People like you discuss me, you judge and think you know someone so well. When the reality is... you should be judging yourself! Can you look in the mirror and be proud of who you are? what you have done by your hurtful words? Does it make you feel like a better person to make someone else hurt and feel so bad?
All I know is there will be a true judgment day when the higher up will judge us all and I hope with ever being in my body that I am there to witness your cowardly self step out of your sinful shadow and be judged of your ruthlessness, selfishness self. I can only hope that you pay for your hideous example of life... SHAME ON YOU!

And Kendra my heart goes out to you for having to deal with these types of people. I can only hope that you can ignore them and just know that there are so many others out there that are learning from you. There are those of us that appreciate you and hurt for your loss with you. I know there will be a day that you will see your precious Kenzie again. I know that she looks down on you everyday and blesses you and Ryan with her love for you. That you both were the BEST of parents to her! God bless

Christine said...

Kendra I don't know you and I doubt I will ever get to meet you personally but I want to tell you a few things. 1. I admire your bravery and your honesty. It takes a lot of guts to open up your life for the world to see and I agree, somethings are meant to be between husband and wife. Just because you have a public blog does not mean that everyone has the right to demand details, jump to conclusions and make accusations. Some things are understandably private between you and Ryan and I respect that and that you respect that. I admire your honesty though as I am sure that sharing so much of your trial can not always be easy and yet you choose to share anyway so that others can learn important lessons if they only choose to look for them 2. From reading this blog I can see how much you truly love and miss your babies and your family. I know you would have done anything to keep McKenzie here but you did the hardest thing and took away her pain. I don't have kids of my own but I do have a couple of my own minis and journeys like yours have taught me to love them more, hug them more and enjoy every smile I can because nothing is guaranteed.
Thank you for helping me see this. I'm pretty sure that its already made me a better aunt.
3. I had a question but didn't get the chance to ask it so is it okay if I ask it now? I was just wondering what (if you can pick) is your absolute favorite memory you have with your daughter? And I too hope that you get to be a mommy again someday. Everyone deserves to have a mom who will endure so much pain and sacrifice and who will love them like you love your babies.

Emma said...

Kendra, I am so sorry for the above comments-there is always a few people who just have to be negative. I don't understand if people don't like what they are reading why they don't do the simple option-don't read. This is YOUR blog, YOUR opinions, YOUR life that you so bravely share, the good and bad days, the loves of your lives and there are so many of us that love and appreciate you for it. It seems on every site there is a few of those "anon." writers who just feel like they need to be that way and please remember that it isnt' you, it is their own sad lives that is making them feel this way. If they were happy they would turn off the computer and live their own life instead of trying to judge everyone elses. I know they say they are "moral" but who feels moral and just in judging someone who is grieving the biggest loss anyone could ever face???
Thanks for opening your blog to QandA's, I know lots of people appreciated it and I just appreciate YOU-all that you are, all that you believe, the love you share with so many and the fact you are willing to share your sweet girl with us.
It is easy to say ignore the negatives but if you decide you just don't even want to read them, I know that would be me, you could do a subsciber list to your blog-didn't people learn if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all?! :-) Love ya!! Em

Anonymous said...

Kendra, We love you! I feel lucky we got to meet you at your event in July. You are such an amazing and sweet person!!! Presley loved you! And I can see why your nieces adore you sooo much! You are so genuine and kind through and through and you have an amazing spirit! smooches! xoxo, Mindy

Anonymous said...

Kendra, I was the asker of question number 3 and I wanted to be sure that you know that I am not the "anonymous" poster above. I would never think of saying something so horrible to someone who as been through as much as you and your sweet husband. I am so so so so sorry if my question came across wrong. To be honest, I feel like a complete idiot and I am sitting here crying! Anyway, I asked the question because I was curious if you had chosen a permanent form of birth control for Ryan. I only ask because my husband and I are preventing pregnancy due to a severe genetic defect as well and we have debated on whether or not to get a vasectomy so we could be sure not to get pregnant. I am so terribly sorry for being intrusive. I only posted anonymously because I don't have a blog account. Please don't listen to those who spread hate. Nearly all of your readers DO NOT think this way! All the best to you both.
- Christy Nilson

Anonymous said...

PUNCH!!!!

Anonymous said...

*PUNCH!!!!!! ( THAT IS A PUNCH FOR THE ANGRY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THEN TRY TO BRING YOU DOWN KENDRA... NOT A PUNCH TO YOU!!!!:) LOVE YOU! JILL hahaha

Shawna said...

Dear Kendra,

I haven't commented as much as I used to, but I always read your blog and still appreciate your openness. You were so kind to have a "Q&A" for your readers and I am so sorry that you have to endure comments and emails that are so judgmental, assumptive, and mean. I second what others have said in hoping that you are able to ignore such negativity and realize that some people are just out to be mean. I am a Christian and I firmly believe in God's laws and the Bible -- I also believe that when the end comes, as you say in your Q&A, what is in your heart and what you have done for Him are what truly matter. And, I believe it is no human being's job to judge another, especially if they have never walked the path they are judging.

You are not beholding to anyone reading your blog to share anything, let alone those private things you want to keep to yourself. I hope that you remember that and that you do not let this negativity hurt you or worry you. I will continue to pray for you and Ryan in your grief, decision-making processes, and hopes to have another child, and I will pray that you do not take the anger here to heart. I will also pray for your readers -- both those who are touched by your blog and those who are not, because we all need prayer.

Sarah said...

Kendra-You are amazing. For those that criticize you for things that are completely out of your control, Shame on you!! Kendra and Ryan didn't choose to have SMARD in their lives. They didn't choose to have Kenzie and Gracie ripped from their lives. Show some compassion.

caseyp said...

oh Sweet Kendra!! though we have Never met and live in diff parts of country, my heart is hurting for you!!! These horrible comments area disgrace... You keep on fighting!!! These people whom are judging you better look in the mirror....!!!!! We that follow you with out judgement love you and your beautiful spirit!!! MRW is sooo soo proud of you and your amazing testamony and stregth... Let these jerks fall away from you!!!Lord forbid something happen to one of you ugly peoples family!!!!! Kendra and Her hubby did whats right !!!! look in mirror annon... its sure is ugly isnt it?

Kim Sheely said...

I think my heart just sank. Of all the post that I have read on this blog, the comments on here made me cry the most. How dare you as I have to refer to you because you are anonymous post such hate. This just makes me sick. I have only been reading this blog for a couple of weeks, but I have grown to love Kendra, Mckenzie and Ryan. It offends me and makes me incredibly sick that you would spew crap. If you don't like what she has to say, then leave, don't read and keep your hateful comments to yourself. Kendra, remember that Satin has those that work for him encouraging "anonymous" people to attack you. "Real" followers of God regardless of religion would not judge, belittle, or pass judgement. I am so sorry that someone could be so cruel. Much love to you! KIM

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe the comments I have read on here tonight! The complete ignorance of some people is so sad. I only hope they don't have children of their own that they teach to be the same ignorant way.

Kendra, I only hope that you can laugh off these ridiculous comments. That is all they are...RIDICULOUS!!! I find it kind of funny that they keep reading, if they are so very against everything they 'assume' you are about. Some people really should get a life of their own. It is truly sad for someone who has been through all you have been through, to have these comments left on here.

Pol said...

Dear Kendra

Such horrible ignorant people have commented here. I am horrified by their venom. When I read comments like this from "Christians" it makes me sick to the core. Kendra - your love and goodness shines through your blog. I pray that you and Ryan will soon be blessed with a healthy baby.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kendra,

Another follower that you don't know who has been touched by your story. Thank you for always being so open and sharing your pain with your readers. Although I don't yet have any children, if I do, because of your story, I will never take anything for granted. You help make me a better and more appreciative person.

You, your husband and both of your sweet babies are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how hard it was to decide to take your baby off life support - I can only imagine that it was the most difficult and horrible decision a mother ever has to make. But I truly believe that for reasons those on earth may never understand, God decided it was time for your baby to return to him.

And as for anyone who uses your blog to leave anonymous, judgmental notes, they have no idea what you've been through and no right to ever judge or question your decisions. These people who judge in the name of "religion" are not part of any religion I belong to, which is one of love. They make me ashamed to call myself a Christian. To them I would say, "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

It is clear to me that you loved your daughters, that you are a wonderful mom, and that losing them has been horribly painful for you. I know that whatever decisions you made, you did not make them lightly. Although you will never forget your daughters, I hope you find peace. And I hope that you will become a wonderful mother to a beautiful, healthy baby boy or girl.

Kristin and Jay said...

When you put in previous posts about hurtful comments, I thought to myself, what would anyone have to say that is hurtful to someone who has had tragedy touch their lives and is working the best they can through the grieving process? Seeing these "anonymous" comments is quite disturbing! I'm sorry you have to read that! This might sound wierd, but I feel sorry for whoever "anonymous" is. This person is apparently a very unhappy, bitter person who has no self worth. How else can it even possibly be explained why someone would write such horrible things? I don't care what religion you are. In what Christian world is it okay to treat someone the way she thinks is her "duty" to treat you? What part of following Jesus Christ does that fall under? It must have been a while since she has read the Bible or gone to church? I can't recall ONE time where Jesus treated a "sinner" that way (and I am in NO way saying you are a sinner...just restating her words). NEVER would Christ say or do the things that person has. She might need to rethink her "Christian" values. I really hope this person doesn't have to lose a child to realize the horrible mistake they made by being such an unkind person. Kendra, I think you are an amazing person. An amazing Christian who tries everyday to do what God would want you to do. That shows by how much you pray to Him for guidance. You are letting A LOT of people into your life, and sharing VERY personal thoughts and feelings. People who think it is their "duty" to tell you otherwise are not Christlike people. They may claim to be, but those of us who do try to live a Christlike life know better, and there was NOTHING Christlike about that person. I can't wait for you to have another little blessing in your home. I can't wait for you to be able to fill part of that hole in your heart when you snuggle your new little munchkin. You of all people are VERY deserving of this!! Don't you EVER think otherwise =)!

Anonymous said...

Dear Arrogant Anonymous,

I wasn't aware that you had any place to judge anyone else. To rant and be hateful to another human being. You are a coward and you should stop pretending like you are God. You are sitting here judging another person and I am pretty sure it is a commandment to love one another and not judge. How dare you? Unless you can walk a day in someones shoes you have no business to judge them or tell them what they are doing is wrong. I am glad you have made no mistakes in your life and that you are perfect. Good for you. I am sure you are the best person in the world. You literally make me sick to my stomach. Taking someone of life support is not murder. I hope if I were ever on life support my husband would have enough love in his heart for me to let me go if we knew there was no way I would survive.

Carolina said...

Wow, I can't believe someone could be so horrible and just plain MEAN in the name of Christianity. I am an active LDS woman, and I am appalled, just completely shocked at some of the things I've read on here. Kendra, you are amazing. Keep holding on! Your wonderful baby is coming to you. You and your husband deserve to be parents again and you will be able to achieve that! Ignore that horrible people that don't have any regard for human suffering and someone's feelings.

Carolina said...

"We see things not as they are, but as we are"
Those hurtful people without any regard to someone else's feelings should shut their mouths if they have nothing good to say! It is easy: Don't read her blog if you don't agree with her. Good grief, why must we be so sickening and just so malicious?!

Anonymous said...

I AM KENDRA'S MOM. I cannot believe the hurtful comments of people who obviously mean and narrow minded. I rarely comment in this blog and do it anonymously only because I am not very smart with commuters, but I cannot believe how people can directly hurt others while sneeking around and not stating you name. I do understand that Kendra is putting her life out there for all to see. It started out to be therapy for her just like a journal or diary. Then others read it who are having though times in their lives. Now some are just maliscious hurtful comments. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE knows what it is like to have to make decisions like Kendra and Ryan have had to make. Everyone's circumstances are different. NO ONE has a right to judge someone else. We cannot plan our destiny. Life hands us what we get. The important thing is to deal with the things that happen the best a person knows how and what is best for them. It is true we might have an opinion of what some else does, but to be hurtful and say things and make comments that will be hurtful is uncalled for. My heart aches for all my chidren when they have difficult choices to make and bad things happen. My insides feel like they are riped out when I read some of these hurtful comments. Kendra and Ryan do not deserve them. Isn't there enough hurt and sadness in this world surrounding us to hurt others on purpose? I am not saying you can not have you own opinion. Thankfully we are all free to have our own ideas and thoughts and feelings. Just keep the hurtful ones to yourself.Didn't your Mom ever tell you If you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all. How much better our world would be if we did. Kendra has already commented on BULLIES. And that is what you are by making hurtful comments. I love Kendra and Ryan and Makenzie was such a joy to our family. I look forward to seeing her and Gracie again. Please keep you hurtfull comments to yourself. Kendra and Ryan, you are awesome. I love you.... luv mom

Malory said...

Kendra,

You are such an amazing woman!! You are the true definition of a woman who undoubtedly/unconditionally loves her children and would do anything to be able to show that love to a child. Any child that has the chance to have you as their mom is the most lucky kiddo around. I'm lucky to know you-I KNOW how much Makenzie loves you, and Gracie. You make me a better mom to my girls. You have taught me to be much more patient-especially in times where I think I need a break from it all.

People can be so cruel, it's insane how people can judge you without even knowing you. Maybe that's why they've said the extremely hurtful (UNTRUE) things that they've said. You did a Q&A for people to get to know a little bit more about you and Ryan, NOTTTT to have them bash you in such a way that is so hurtful and unfathomable. They've never walked in your shoes. You wouldn't hurt a fly-you are the sweetest, kindest, most down to earth, prettiest (I could go on) person that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I'm going to be soooo over the moon excited to hear when you are pregnant again. You and Ryan deserve it more then anyone in the world and again that sweet little baby is going to be the most loved and taken care of person. He/She will grow up knowing the true definition of love. I would like to say a big FFFF you and get a damn life to anyone that has anything negative to say about you or your beautiful family. Hopefully their stupid words (which is all they are because they have no real basis)won't get you down. You, Ryan, Makenzie, and Gracie know exactly who you are in your heart, and that's really all that matters.

I'll stop with my novel now but seriously those stupid comments piss me off.

Love ya.. If you ever need anything I'm a phone call away!

Lisa F said...

I am appalled!
Love you!!!
Lisa

Mary said...

Sweet Kendra...I can not fathom the comments I have seen on this posting. The only thing to do is pity these people..that they have such sad, empty lives..it is pathetic. You know who you are..and even though most of your followers have never met you...We love you..for the beautiful person you are..how open, vulnerable and raw and real..that is real life. I thank God for you and I pray that very soon you and Ryan have full arms again with a new little bundle of joy. Thank you for being you and for sharing the good and the bad. Life is tough and you are the real deal. You have a gift girl and you are using God's gift to help others. Hoping and praying brighter days come more frequently. Sending many hugs.

debbie said...

I tried to comment earlier, so I don't know if it is going to come up later. Kendra, I am horrified by the mean comments on here! You are wonderful and amazing and so loving. So many of us love you so much!!!

debbie said...

This is my 3rd attempt at leaving a comment! Kendra, you are wonderful and amazing, and I am horrified at the insane comments being left here! I love you so much, and I think of you and Kenzie often. I would never even think of judging any of your decisions, especially considering that we will be judged as we have judged others! We can only be judged by God because He knows our hearts!!! I believe your heart is so full of love. You are the best!

Ashley said...

I cannot believe that people have nothing better to do with their lives than to sit and speculate on someone else's.
Kendra I don't know you but follow you through Ashley Sullinger. I think you are so strong and I totally get putting somethings out on a blog and others things private. It's YOUR blog and you can up out there what you want. It's so sad that there are people out there who feel the need to be so hurtful. I never even thought that there could have been an abortion. I honestly feel that that was not the case. Really it doesn't matter.
I am just so appalled at the way people act and feel the need to put their hateful thoughts out there for the world to see.

Jujubee said...

Kendra..... I believe in Light! And therefore I believe in darkness. God always prevails but this is a sad example that Satan works- darkness is very real- and I am glad you are taking precautions to prevent this type of attack from happening in the future. When I read this all I saw was the work of the devil. Much love to you.... Is there any way you can delete all this from your blog? It SO does not need to be here in this beautiful space you have for Kenzie and your husband and your beautiful, heartfelt story..... Just wanted to mention it. I think your blog is a sacred place. I hope you have a beautiful- hope-filled day. Xo

Melissa said...

Wow, Kendra I know we have never met, but I am sooooo sad to read all of this crap! I honestly am sitting here in shock that people can be so cruel. YOU are a WONDERFUL mother to two BEAUTIFUL children. Ryan is a WONDERFUL father to TWO beautiful children, please,please do not let anyone convince you otherwise. The decision that you had to make is unbearable and I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of this. I think you are amazing to put your life out there the way you do. There are just no words for the insensitive ASS who made such cruel and awful comments. Know that you and Ryan are both loved and prayed for by so many!

paola said...

I've been following your blog for a while now and I've never posted before. I have a little girl myself, she's going to be four on the 1st and I can't imagine my life without her. I was reading the comments some of these anonymous people left and I can't believe they have the nerve to call you a hypocrite and say you are acting as God. For all those rude, crude, obviously miserable people, aren't you the hypocrites? Isn't God the only one that can judge us above all, so how dare you say you are so "Christian" and be so judgmental? You probably have no idea what it is to lose a child, I don't, I would never dare judge Kendra for doing what she is doing. I mean really are you kidding me? Some people just think they are above everyone else and better than everyone else! So Kendra puts her life out there, it's like a journal for her, but she doesn't put it out there so people like you can just nit pick at whatever you think is wrong. If you don't like what you read then don't freaking read it! You will NEVER know what another person goes through when a tragedy like that happens, until you have lived it yourself! Honestly I think she has done extremely well in coping, I know I couldn't. So for all you anonymous "Christians" as you call yourselves, shut the hell up and work on making your life better instead of putting others down. You must really have some issues if putting others down is what you enjoy!

N said...

You made the decisions you made, and you know they are for the best. These Bible Bashers have no place to judge you -- lest they be judged (as hateful Biatches).

They are p

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails