So I am on day 9 of my cycle.
Which means its day 1 of testing my ovulation everyday.
I got the expensive, super easy to read digital tests.
I am testing right at noon.
I am taking my temperature each morning.
So hopefully this month I wont miss it.
I am going out of town for a couple days tomorrow but I am prepared I might have to come home a bit early if I test positive while I am gone.
I cant believe how much I want this. How much I am aching to hold my child again. To be called Mom. To have a future with another life. I have thought about the what ifs. The worry if this will ever happen. We have been wanting to add to our family for almost a year now. We have been trying to figure out what is the best way to have our child come to us. We were so close at one point but lost her. I cant help but wonder what will be next. If there will be something else. I feel like I have so much love to give. I pray that God has another little life ready for us. That he knows how much we will love them and do anything for them. I miss my Kenzie. I miss the family I once had. Its overwhelming to think of what life was 2 years ago right now. The choices Ryan and I were forced to make. The life our Makenize was living. I would have kept her forever. I would have given up my whole existence and taken care of her if she would have let me. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to give her back to God. I wanted to keep her for myself. But I knew her plan was different. I had to put my wants aside and do what she wanted. I just pray God knows Ill do the same for any other child he blesses me with. I know how incredible their life will be and I promise to live my life for them. To give them as much as I can. To love them more than they could ever imagine being loved. I have seen how precious life is. I have seen it taken away. I know every second, every snotty nose, every upset tummy, every smile, every laugh and every breath they take will be a gift. I will not take their life for granted. I will savor it. I will soak it up. I hope it happens. I hope it happens not only for me but for every other Mother out there praying for the same thing. The wanting and waiting is absolutely heart wrenching. I pray God hears all of our prayers.