birth story

This time last year all I could think of was "I wouldn't be leaving this month without a baby!" WOW... I was so excited yet soo nervous. I remember crying to Ryan one day telling him I worried about loving her and wondered if I would love her as much as I love Harley (OUR DOG). LOL.. Oh what an idiot I was :)

I was certain our little girl would be late. In the weeks leading up to her due date I was never dilated.  I thought for sure I would have to be induced so I made my doctor promise me he wouldn't let me go a week over my due date. My due date was July 22 so I was thinking no later than July 29 this girl would be coming out one way or another.  It was hard to work because I was anticipating 3 months off! I was hot and not wanting to swim because- well- lets face it. I was an extremely white beached whale. It was rather embarrassing!  Just ask Jill. I made her swim with me one time and I pulled up my swim top to get a little color to my over sized white belly- as I did that- the whole pool erupted in screams. No one knew what horrible blinding thing they were looking at and started running for the gate. I quickly pulled my top back down and whipped a tear... Jill was horrified and wouldn't talk to me for weeks after.

AnyWay

Since we are creeping up on Miss Makenzie's 1st birthday I wanted to share the tale of her birth.

I cant believe I never did this before, or maybe I did- eh I dont remember!

It started on July 15th. I was having horrible pains through the night but they never got closer than like 10 min. apart. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't walk, I couldn't do anything but cling to my bed in silence hoping not to wake Ryan.  By morning- Everything was fine and there was no pain. I went to work, did my daily routine and then headed up to Milcreek canyon with our other couple the Andersons for one last fire and roasting of mallows before we were toting new baby's up there with us.

(remember Allie was having a boy- due 3 weeks after me)

The whole time we were up there I felt nothing. I kept asking Allie what should I do.

Can I push things along? I want to have her now!

That night I went to bed so exhausted from no sleep the night before. I woke only an hour or two later with horrible contractions again. I started timing them and again- never getting closer than 10 min. apart.  I got in a warm bath and sat there for close to 3 hours.  I then went downstairs to watch infomercials and time my contractions in hopes they either stop or get closer together.  By morning- they were gone and I was fine.

The next day I decided to call into work because I was so exhausted and couldn't imagine trying to keep my eyes open another second. I also called my doctor to let him know what had been going on. He asked me to come in for a non stress test and we could check out my contractions and watch the baby's heart rate.

I never was able to go back to sleep, The contractions continued mid morning until I got to the doctors office. Of course- once I got hooked up to the monitors everything stopped.  My mom came and sat with me while I listened to her heart beat and watched for contractions. I was hoping they would say- woohoo your in full blown labor lets get you in a room now!  BUT NO. They said, she is fine and you are fine and no contractions. Go Home.

So I did.

Around 3:30pm I started getting contractions AGAIN. I tried to ignore them this time. I remember watching all of Ellen then starting into Oprah and thinking if I still have them after Oprah is over then ill start timing them.

I tried my hardest to ignore them but they were so intense I wanted to cry. I couldn't wait until the end of Oprah to start timing them so I started at about 4:30. They were about 7 minutes apart. I told myself from the very beginning I will NOT go to the hospital unless they are under 5 minutes apart and lasting at least 1 minute. I'm not going to be sent home.  So we timed. Ryan ate dinner, I couldn't even think of food.

The pain was getting worse and worse. I had an exercise ball that I heard will help labor. I sat on that thing and a contraction started, for whatever reason that ball made those contractions hurt x1000. I couldn't breathe or move. I just motioned to Ryan and finally got the words out "PUSH ME OFF!!!"

So he did. I fell over and clung to the couch until it passed.

OMG

That thing was evil. I thought it might have been just that one contraction but I had another kneeling on the ground which was fine, then I thought I would try the ball again and the same thing happened- I had to have Ryan shove me off! dumb ball...

So about 7:30pm the contractions were under 5 minutes and lasting over a minute so I finally said lets get going!

It was a pretty exciting feeling to know this was it.

I had to run into the baby's room one last time and make sure everything was ready for her. I changed my clothes, picked up the house, gave harley the new bones we bought for her and hit the road.

Its kinda funny- and ryan will agree I promise-

I was nicer than I have ever been my whole life when I was in labor.

I think its just because I was trying so hard not to be one of those girls who is yelling at her husband saying "you did this to meeee"

the whole car ride to the hospital my contractions were getting closer and closer and more and more intense. ryan was so nervous and trying to drive as fast as he could. I kept calmly telling him he was doing a great job and to not worry. I said just get us there safe, your fine, i love you so much...

oh i make myself throw up!

as i was getting out of the car i started in on another contraction, i didn't want to sit back down for fear i wouldn't get back up. so i stood there with my legs shaking, hunched over the car door. it finally ended so i walked in. as i got to the check in desk i started getting another. i couldn't even talk to the poor nurse who kept asking questions. she asked if i wanted a wheel chair which i didn't want.

she took us right back to a room- again on the way to the room i got another one and had to brace myself on the wall. ryan was laughing at me. he said i kept trying to walk and they were both like- get a wheelchair!

but I'm stubborn and didn't want one.

i got to the room. she gave me the gown to change into and left.

bad idea.

leaving a lady in labor with her poor husband who couldn't put a gown on to save his life!

it was a disaster.

we were both laughing hysterically while i was having another contraction while he was buttoning this gown around my legs, under my arm, around my neck which choked me.

the nurse came back in the middle of this.

she had to dress me.

i tried to dress myself but by that time the contractions were coming like every 30 seconds so i couldn't do anything.

i went pee then got into bed.

she hook up all the monitors. and started to check me.

(now remember my last apt earlier in the week i was dialed to 1/2!!! Not a 1 but a 1/2-

 to be honest i think we are all dilated to a 1/2 everyday!)

but when she looked up and said i was at a 4- my eyes started to turn red.

grrr.. are you kidding me. 4. i thought i would be at a 10 1/2!

she said she would call the doctor in and see how far along i was by the time he got there and if i was still progressing they would keep me.

he came in about 20 min. later and guess what

i was a 6 1/2.

yup i was in labor.

on my way to having this child

...

woohooo

so she said she would get the anesthesiologist and get me my epidural.

double woohooo

...

the drug God came in

then came

my contractions being pretty much every second and not laying off at all,

the drug God making me fold into a little ball,

that dumb numbing needle which was 100x worse than the epidural needle that

thankfully was followed by that line to pure bliss.

I was fine after that.

I was all tingly and spacey but not in pain.

my mom was there by that time.

ryan was in the hall frantically calling his parents who were in a MOVIE!!

can you believe it?!

haha.. ok so they got out of the movie with plenty of time to spare but seriously- they should have been sitting at home, holding their phone, waiting for the moment we called to tell they we were at the hospital.

seriously- geesh!

so after the drug God performed his magic the nurse checked me again and i was an 8.

almost there!

my doc was not working that night :( so i had to have the on call doc. which is fine cuz he was pretty awesome.

so we waited. ryans parents came up, his sister, my mom was there. i was texting my family and we watched a little tv. we were certain i would have this baby on July 17th. i was at an 8 at like 10pm.. it was Ryans late grandfathers bday so we thought it would be cool if she came on his special day.

well we now think he had other plans and wanted to keep her all to himself for his WHOLE birthday and then she could come.

starting at about 1:30 am on July 18th I started to push.

It felt like only a few minutes but at 2:10 am she came.

*not before my epidural pretty much wore all the way off and i could feel EVERYTHING*

i was certain she would be bald

she had a head full of brown hair

i was certain she would be late

she was 4 days early

i was certain i wouldn't know how to love her

i was over the moon the moment i saw her.

when they broke my water they noticed maconium. (poop)

**she was always a good pooper**

so once she came out- after a quick second on my tummy-

her arms stretched out, fingers spread, eyes popped wide open

they whisked her away to the icu team that was standing by.

they sucked, poked, tickled and pinched in attempts to get her to cry.

20 minutes which felt like 10 hours later they figured she just didn't want to cry. she was happy and that's it.

they gave her back. wrapped up with that dumb goo in her eyes and a cute lil hat on.

she was awake and so unbelievably perfect.

that's the moment our life began.

everything before, was a fog, it didn't matter.

she was the only thing that meant anything.

looking at my daughter, my own little person,

this little thing i created with this amazing man standing next to me.

it was amazing. an unbelievable feeling.

i never knew pure happiness until that moment

i never knew unconditional love until i meet her

i never knew real passion, commitment or purpose until july 18th 2009.

her first picture-

she was giving us a nice full moon!

her grandmas amazed at the most beautiful thing they have ever seen! :)

What a day.

What a start to a life.

It was amazing- the definition of perfection.

Around 4:30 am I was wheeled into my room, they gave me cold cereal (which never tasted so good- ahh i was starving) then they brought her back.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't put her down. My life had officially started and I wanted to soak up every second of it.  That day was full of visitors, hugs, kisses, pictures and love.

We went home the next morning.

I cant believe its almost been 1 year.

1 year since life began- almost 7 months since it ended.

oh how i wish i could do it again.