I went to bed last night thanking God and Jesus Christ. Thanking Jesus for what he did. Thanking them for allowing us to be able to be a family again. I cried. Not a big blubbery cry- I was trying not to wake the husband. But I was filled with emotion. Sometimes I find myself stuck between 2 worlds. A world of wanting her and a world of thanking them for holding her. I so badly want my family. I so badly want the image of a family in my house. Not the image that someday we will be a family again.
but last night I was just thankful.
I cant change what is. I cant make it so Makenzie is here. so the only thing I could ask for now is that she is happy. That she is being loved on every single second. That she is still getting her stories and her baths. That she is still getting kissed a million times. and through them. I know she is. and through them.
I know its not forever that we will be apart. although it seems like it. I am sure my time away from her will seem like moments when we are finally reunited
compared to the rest of forever we will spend holding each other.
Easter has a whole new meaning for me. Easter represents hope. It represents faith. It represents a future.
Its my sanity.
Its my dream.
Its the only thing that allows me to breath every day.
Knowing there will be a day ill wrap my arms around that tiny little person. There will be a day ill kiss those checks and nuzzle my face into her neck. There will be a day ill change that dirty diaper. A day ill kiss those toes and fingers. A day ill be able to look into those eyes. There will be a day where there will never be an end again. Whenever that day comes. It will be the very best day of my existence.
and for that day. and for every day leading up to that day that they are holding her instead of me.
I thank Jesus Christ.
For he is the reason.
For what he did.
For who he is.
For such a day we just couldn't contain it to 1 day.
Not this year.
So we celebrated Easter all weekend.
and it was lovely.
Friday night we had a yummy dinner and decorated eggs with Ryan's family.
The boys were not at all interested in the coloring fun but us girls got every last egg colored and we made it out of there with only a few eggs that didn't survive.
On Saturday my mom had an Easter dinner and egg hunt. I totally forgot to take pictures but that was just because I was to busy stuffing my face with yummy food and enjoying a wonderful evening.
She had the kids decorate eggs which proceeded with an egg fight.
Okay so her eggs were filled with confetti and I just happen to throw an egg that was full of anything but.
Good thing my mom is a pretty good sport about my trickery.
I might have felt bad for a few minutes while she was washing herself off in the sink.
but seriously what would she do without me to make her laugh?!
After our fun Easter party Ryan and I enjoyed a date night with our friends.
It was great to get out and just laugh for hours and hours.
Sunday morning we woke up early to see if that silly rabbit paid us a visit.
I am all about Easter and making it extra fun for kids but since there are no kids in our household right now Ryan has to be the one to indulge in my need for holiday fun and he gets to act really excited while looking through his Easter basket and taking pictures.
Harley understands my need for joy in the house as well so she got excited about her basket to humor me.
After all the necessary pictures were taken and I got the proper response I was looking for out of Ryan and Harley we loaded up the truck and headed west to do some serious 4wheeling with Ryan's family.
The Easter bunny just happened to pay us a visit while out there so we got to have a fun kid/adult egg hunt. Becky (Ryan's Mum) put money in some of the eggs so the boys were knocking women and children out of the way to get the green stuff.
I am happy to report there was no serious Easter injuries during the craziness.
We spent the rest of the day eating a yummy lunch and tons of candy.
Riding the wheelers.
Soaking up some sun.
and chatting away.
We were all so dusty and dirty but we still had to make a little stop before we could end all the fun.
After our visit we spent the rest of the night driving around town trying to find a place
-anyplace- open for dinner.
We were starving.
Sunday+Easter+Evening means nothing is open just an FYI.
but we ended up settling for good old Wendy's to end our Easter weekend.
The weather was perfect all weekend and we spent it with the very best people the entire time.
We were definitely not ready for it to be over.
We need to make more weekends like this one.