Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Day

Happy Thanksgiving my little Turkey.

Last year, our Thanksgiving, your 1st Thanksgiving was not what I hoped it would be.
no turkey, no potato's, no special dress
your mama was very upset. i had a hard day.
our family really wanted to get us out of the hospital for just a moment. they wanted us to have a good day and enjoy ourselves for just a bit. i didn't want to leave. i didn't want to spend even a moment not by your side. somehow i was convinced and i left. they gave up cooking that big traditional dinner, having left overs and relaxing at home to wait for hours to get into the fabulous and CLOSE
little america thanksgiving dinner.
your daddy and i left at the last possible second and sped the whole way there. we ran in just as everyone was being seated. we ate everything from turkey, stuffing, prime rib, shrimp, every potato you could imagine, bread, cheese, chicken, crab legs.... 
i tried not to act like i was stuffing my face only to rush back to your side. i wanted to be with them. but not more than i just wanted to be with you. i wanted to spend today with you. it didn't help to see hundreds of other kids running around with their fancy dresses on, families enjoying time with each other, all the while i couldn't stop picturing my baby laying in a hospital bed.
daddy finally finished and we left. we ran back to the truck. dad tried to rush out of the parking lot but decided to rip off his mirror in the process. we never even thought twice before we sped off ignoring what just happened.
it just didn't matter.
we were gone 60 minutes. 
but we were gone for 60 minutes of your only thanksgiving.
being a mother, i never let myself off the hook, i shouldn't have gone. i always think that. 

this year. i just wanted you even more.
i just wanted to see your soft, milky white cheeks that were seriously as sweet as sugar. 
i could kiss them every second.







the year before you came, i had a perfect 1st thanksgiving outfit bought for you. i wish you could have worn it. i did my best that day by dressing you in festive orange leggings with a matching bow.



this year didn't turn out like planned. 
but once we realized we could spend our thanksgiving with you, it made it a bit better.
we had a hard time finding fun fall/thanksgiving stuff to bring you. 
we did our best.
thanks to your dad, i had to carry all the decor- 
and he carried 1 windshield whipper.



daddy cleaned your headstone off. dried it and made it look nice and clean.





*grandma and papa brought up some fun treats for you to*


 thanksgiving/fallish balloons were also slim pickings.



but we got what we could, filled them with lots of kisses and sent them away.







when daddy and i are alone with you... we do things that are a little unconventional... we played baseball with your old halloween decor, we ran through the snow and tried not to fall in the holes, then we decided it was the perfect open spot to mark your territory!



so this isnt very small. to get this picture we had to do this....


ha. your poor dad. he sure puts up with my craziness in the most patient ways.
*if you cant tell, im sitting on his shoulders to get high enough to get every letter in the picture*




for thanksgiving 2010 we... 
pretty much just got fat.
dinner at grandma and papa's 
quick visit to great gma webster
play date with you
dinner #2 at grandma and jesses.
the food was so yummy at both places.

DON'T worry, dad wasn't full enough that he didn't stop half way through our day to pick up a KING size butter finger and finish it! seriously. he makes me laugh.

i am SURE the highlight of your day was watching a whole lota this...





that's right.
the 1st annual thanksgiving dance off.
it was a battle between 5 incredibly talented little girlies.... and.... your mama.
my oh my.
they showed me some pretty good new moves, that's for sure.
but i did squeeze in showing them some of our signature moves.
the night was all about
the single ladies,
party in the usa,
tik tok,
dynamite,
don't stop believin,
sound of music 
and a few other random hits that ended up getting played.
i think i lost just about all that turkey weight i just packed on with that much movin around.


then the night ended.
we left.
then we cried.
we miss you.
more than you could ever believe.
we are needing.
every second.
missing who we had last year.
....
..
.
but we also cried because last year we had the pleasure of still having you.
.
..
....

thank you so much makenzie rye for being in our life.
for today, yesterday, tomorrow and the rest of our lives we will be eternally grateful for every breath you took. for the life you gave us. for every smile, giggle, move, cry, stare, messy diaper, incredible moments you gave us. thank you for being ours. for being our biggest hero. thank you for fighting hard. 
thank you for giving us your first thanksgiving.
we love you.
happy turkey day. hope you ate some good stuff.

7 comments :

TMI Tara said...

I've been thinking of you SO much the past few weeks and days. Even for me, this time of year has brought back so many memories of Makenzie being in the hospital and getting the news of her diagnosis, etc. I can't imagine what you're going through and how much you miss her sweet, sugary cheeks. I'm glad you were able to spend the day laughing and dancing.... that's what Kenzie would have wanted. Sorry it ended with tears, but that's understandable. Love you! xo

GINA. said...

You can always make me smile...AND cry in everything you write. I LOVE the way you celebrate with Makenzie EVERY. SINGLE. OCCASION!
I understand how there are some things we just can't let ourselves off the hook for. Not that we shouldn't. Just that we somehow can't.
Thank you for sharing your day. Both days (this year and last). It's really too bad your original plans were cancelled, but it looks as though you had a pretty good time in the end...especially that Dance Party!
Every time we have dance parties here, I think of you, then Makenzie, and then you again! Although I've never met any of you, you have left a lasting impression on me.
Thank you for inspiring me to be a good mother. To remember, that even on my most frustrating days...to be patient...and loving...and all the things that YOU ARE!
I'll be thinking of you in the coming days and months. If you ever need, you have my e-mail address!
*HUGS

Brandi said...

Wow, I can't imagine your pain. I'm sure this time of year is very very difficult. I just wanted you to know that I think of you often and pray for you every day. Your little baby girl was, and still is, lucky to have you and your hubs as parents!!!!! Lifting you up!!

Liesl said...

i love this post. everything you write is so beautiful. she is so lucky to have you as her mommy.

Olga said...

I'll bet Thanksgiving in Heaven is awesome :) And I'll bet she sat on God's lap since the table was so full! He probably snuck her some desserts too lol :)

♥ Stephan & Michelle ♥ said...

Kendra,

I love this post so much!! I love that you found Thanksgiving decor I bet she loved it!! I totally agree with what Olga said about her eatting at the table :). I seriously look up to you and so many ways! I hope we can hang out one of these days. Since I wasnt able to make it to your Halloween party?!

butterflymom said...

Thank you for sharing your Thanksgiving celebration with and without Mackenzie. It always enlightens me to see what you do to celebrate her life. ((hugs))

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