Wednesday, November 17, 2010

4 years

November 16 2006
our wedding day
we had a small ceremony at the church I grew up by.
we had a bigger reception after.
we were showered with
love, gifts, advice, jokes, pictures, hugs...
it was an amazing day.
there were no nerves *at least by me*
the day was not stressful and we enjoyed every second.
to know i was going to trap marry this amazing man,
i couldn't have been more excited.


I cant seem to find my wedding discs so you will have to settle with the few photos I could find in my albums.
Here is me with my nieces and nephews (there is at least twice that amount now)
then there is a cake in the face shot.



we spent our wedding night at the most beautiful hotel, in my opinion
- the little america -
i absolutely adored it.
so for anniversary #1 we had to go back to the same place.
we spent our 1st anniversary at this place enjoying room service
 in the most comfortable bed on earth.


anniversary #2 was a little different.
we had gone to vegas for the PBR finals the week before
so we kinda counted that as our little escape for our anniversary celebration.

* we went to vegas, came home and took a pregnancy test- positive, so that anniversary was pretty exciting*


anniversary #3 was spend with the best thing that has ever happened to us and to our marriage.
we had our beautiful little muffin to share our day with.
we had been so busy trying to figure out what was wrong with our little nut that we didn't really plan anything for #3. the only thing on the agenda was to get family pictures taken for our christmas card.
we went to liberty park with our amazing photographer and captured some of the most treasured pictures we have.  ms. makenzie was so not happy this day. she was fussy, not eating, cold- just plain miserable.
we kept the photo shoot short.
between pictures, we would wrap up our lovie in a blanket to keep her warm.







after our cold park adventures we headed to one of our favorite places to eat - red lobster.
kenzie finally ate and got nice and toasty warm.
let me tell you, its very tricky to hold your little girl, feed her and crack open your crap legs.
good thing my trusty side kick was there for help - he did the cracking


we came home and attempted to get some shots of makenzie and harley.
harley was originally suppose to come take family pictures with us but since kenzie was so fussy that day i wanted to focus all our attention on her and not deal with the dog as well.
lets just say- its a good thing we didn't bring harley because makenzie was not into pictures with her puppy.




but she was fine with a family-op where she could watch harley from a safe distance.


that night we spent snuggled on the couch with
dada+mom+kenzie+harley+aunt jilly
we had a little to much fun dressing harley in kenzies clothes.


unfortunately...
november 16
also marks the last day makenzie was home.
it was the last night she slept in her bed.
it was the last morning we did our routine.
it was the last snuggle in bed.
it was the last.
november 17 was the day our baby checked into primarys.


this year was spent battling between trying to celebrate and trying not to break down every other second.
we had a plan for the day but canceled it all last minute thinking we just couldn't ignore what was in our face.
we couldn't- not know what today was.
although we are so in love, so blessed, so thankful to have one another.
we spent the night incorporating our missing link.
the best part of who we are.
we grabbed balloons, toys, and wind mills and headed to her.
it was ridiculously cold, windy and wet.
we stayed as long as possible before we literally froze to death.









after we,
stopping at a really yummy burger joint to grab some food to go,
went home,
watched reba,
took a shower to get warm,
then decided to whip out the videos.
*i guess we just wanted to really wallow away in that missing*
we first watched our wedding video
it was funny because we kept comparing my baby pictures to ryans to kenzies.
we both think she got some strong features of both of us.
after the wedding video we watched our kenzie video that played at her funeral.
we sat there in silence for a while after it ended.
it was hard to move.
seeing our lives play in pictures/videos within 45 minutes.
seeing what was, was is now and wondering what will come next.

after milo threw up all over me,
 we got up and made banana boats.
we also made a "anniversary bucket list"
we wrote down what we want to accomplish by year 5 and by year 10.
it turned out to be a smaller list than we both thought.
ha. guess we should get some more dreams and goals right!
after filling our tummy's with fattening treats we totted off to bed.
we cried.
prayed.
held each other,
then fell asleep to rehab- party at the hard rock.
*seriously- what a way to end the night*



For my Ry Pie,
I couldn't imagine a better partner. He is everything good. He is my reason. He is my strength. I turn to him. He knows me better than I know myself. I want to grow, mature and become a better person for not only Makenzie but for Ryan to.  He is what gets me up. He is what I crumble into. He listens, he loves and he is so incredible in every way.
I thank God for putting him in my life.
I thank Makenzie for showing me a whole new side of her daddy.
I thank his parents for raising the most loving, hard working, full of life man.
I thank him for choosing me. For waking up for me. I thank him for standing by my side.
I thank him for giving me my every joy. Ryan you are my all.

9 comments:

Ali said...

Oh my gosh, I love the wedding pictures!! SO fun! Happy Anniversary, I hope you were able to enjoy it.

Emma said...

I know it wasn't the way you wanted to spend your anniversary but ultimately you were together, loving eachother and appreciating the greatest gift your love has given you. Throughout this year your love and marriage will have been tested so many times and although I am sure there are days you don't know if you will make it you always come back to one another-your love is great! The greatest gift you can give yourselves and kenizie is to keep loving one another, keep putting your marriage as a primary focus and remember to always come back to one anothers arms on those days you turn away.
Happy Anniversary Kendra and Ryan! So young in your love and marriage but already tested, so tried and true! I know Kenzie is proud of you both and so loves watching the love you share, seeing your smiles and is sending you hugs always. Love Em

Chels said...

Happy Anniversary to you both!!! I absolutely loved the picture of you in your wedding dress surrounding by all the beautiful kids in your family. I am sorry things changed so much in the past four years. Some good changes and some not so good, but I believe we are all here for a reason and I thank God everyday that you still have your Ry Pie. Thinking of you all the time and hoping and praying this month won't be so hard.

Sending you all my prayers,
Chelsie

Alerie said...

What a 4 years you guys have had. Lots of ups and downs, but you sure share a beautiful love and created one of the most beautiful little girls that has changed the lives of many. Not only has Makenzie changed lives, but so have you and Ryan through your story. Not many people can say they have helped changed someone's life. I think you guys are amazing and I have always been able to see the love that you and Ryan share. It is beautiful. Keep loving each other and supporting one another and I am sure by doing that you guys will be able to get everything on your bucket list done and you will be celebrating many more anniversaries together. Makenzie is so proud of the love her mommy and daddy share together and showed her. There is no greater gift you could have given her. Happy Anniversary!! Much love!!

Carley said...

I'm sorry Kenzie isn't here to celebrate your guys anniversary. I hate that two wonderful, caring, loving parents can't have the one thing they want more then anything. I know you'll always miss your baby. I hope you see how strong you are, and I know you may feel like you don't have a choice, but you are amazing! You are such a good example. I love reading your blog, even on hard days your honesty is so powerful. There's a reason Kenzie choose you, she was one lucky girl!

p.s. can't wait to hear what you want to be when you grow up :)

Chanse and Janell said...

Happy Anniversary love birds!!!
4 years is amazing! I'm so happy for the both of you!
Much love and happiness in the years to come : )

XOXOXOXOXO

Liesl said...

beautiful as always.

Andrea said...

What an emotional day for you. I am glad that you were able to spend time together. Love the pictures! You are both very blessed to have each other. You are both amazing and she loved the balloons that you sent to her. :) HUGS!

Katie Danner said...

Kendra! Your wedding pictures are sooo beautiful! (yes I am totally creepin around your blog randomly, haha) You should post more pics from your wedding if you have some! They are beautiful. You and Ryan are beautiful together. :) I love this whole blog, what a wonderful thing to have been married so long :) :)

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