i wish she was here.
i wish you could still hold her.
i wish you still had your hunting buddy.
she loves you more than you could ever understand.
she adored everything about you,
even the smelly parts,
even your scratchy face.
remember the first time she laughed-
it was at you,
when you tripped on the ottoman.
i wish i could take this pain from you.
i wish i could be the one holding you more than you having to hold me.
i cant ever express how much love i have for you.
you gave her to me.
thank you for letting me hold her so much in the hospital,
thank you for making sure everything was taken care of at home
so i could be there all the time,
thank you for letting me take control over her every need or want,
thank you for letting me be her mom,
thank you for being her dad,
the best dad- you did everything for that little girl.
thank you for putting your everything into our family.
i wish i could put my thoughts into better words.
babe- I'm just sorry.
i ache for your empty arms.
i ache for your tears.
i ache for your broken heart.
we held each other last night,
a hard night.
one of the hardest nights.
i think we get to a point where there is a little peace.
we are not so mad or so sad all the time
and we find moments where we are "okay"
those times come in waves
the last week. we have had trouble finding those times.
this big ugly thing called jealousy has now come into the picture.
the anger is still there and is growing.
its become overwhelming.
we are trying to turn away and fight it off but
somehow it finds its way back.
we see someone laughing,
we see a little girl,
we see the sun,
we see anything that reminds us of her
which is everything.
i feel guilty.
we feel guilty.
never in a million years would we wish someone else had this pain instead.
we just wish she was here. in our arms. with us again.
we would do anything.
the missing is so great.