Friday, March 19, 2010

13 years

March 19 1997.
Donette R. White Passed away in a tragic car accident in Nebraska.
Donette is my sister.
Its been 13 years since she passed away.
How has it been that long?
Donette is amazing,
talented,
loving,
outgoing,
crazy,
a little weird,
hilarious,
beautiful.

she was a photographer and took amazing pictures. she was going to Utah state to get her degree. she was living a full life. she was only 19 years old.
her time came. she fulfilled her mission in this world.
i still remember that day.
i remember the last day i ever saw her.
i try to remember those details about her but hate that i cant remember.
i was 9.
my mind then is not the same now.
i don't remember things i wish i could remember now.
i do know her face.
i do know her smile.
i do know her heart.
i do know her love.
she is wild.
i miss her hugs- she had awesome hugs.
the kind that was strong, she would pick you up and spin you around.
it wasn't those wimpy, pat on the back hugs.
she lovvves her family-
she adored her siblings.
of course jonathan was her favorite- i think he was/is everyones favorite :)
i miss her crazy ways-
i miss our spaghetti o's-
i miss our ren and stimpy-
i miss her voice.

i can only remember one time her getting really pissed at me I'm sure there are many more times (lets face it- I'm a brat) but i can only remember this one.
she was visiting from school, i smelled smoke on her and got mad.
broke into her car, stole all 4-5 packs of cigarettes, broke everyone of them in half and threw them in the garbage. ha!
a bit later she pulls me aside and quietly- YELLS at me.
hey- how'd she know i did it :)
she was grabbing my arm so tight- i don't know why i remember that.
all i kept thinking was, well then- don't smoke!
** Told you I'm a brat- thinking I can control everyones life.

I talk to Donette ALOT. I always have. Since Kenzie got sick I talked to her MUCH more.
I ask her to watch over Kenzie, I ask her to hold her and play with her. I know she will make sure Kenz knows how much I love her and I know she probably will never let anyone else hold her- I think about them together. I just pray they are both so happy. I know they are in love.
Its been a long 13 years.
Life has changed tremendously in these 13 years.
I think about who Donette would be today.
I think about how she would be with all her nieces and nephews = totally infatuated with them.
She was always the life of the party-
I'm sure they are partying it up in Heaven!

10 comments:

katie said...

Hi Kendra. I'm very happy to see someone else thinking about Donette today. I always try to celebrate her life on this day, and imagining her with her niece definitely seems to be the best way to do that this year.

When we were in junior high, I remember spending a lot of nights talking about what we would be when we grew up. Not what sort of careers we would have, but rather the sort of people we would become. Donette always referred to her future self as the crazy aunt. She never talked about having her own kids, but always about how she would be the eccentric and exciting aunt.

I hope she and Makenzie are out doing something crazy today.

Lots of love, Katie

TMI Tara said...

{{HUGS}}

Thinking of you and praying for you today.... and every day.

The House that James Built said...

why does YOUR life have to be so hard? as your friend, having been let in- i just don't know why? and i'm sure there's a whole lot i dont know...like your sister dying. i'm SURE she is being the best auntie/surrogate mum to kenz. i AM positive of it, actually. sorry i missed seeing you tues. life is unpredictable as you know better than most. love you babe.

The Call's said...

Kendra,you inspire me! You are so strong. I hope I can be more like you! Thannk you for sharing all you do. You are always in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Kendra,

I bet your sister is telling your lil angle all kinds of stories about her mom ;) when Makenzie returned to her heavenly home your sister was prob. waiting to give her one of those hugs 2.
Always in our thoughts & prayers.

Lots a love!
Katrina

Brian and Rebecca Nate said...

Somehow it does make it easier, knowing that you have a loved one in heaven with your angel. My grandpa passed away shortly before my son did and I had dreams of him holding him and making him laugh.

I know Kenzie is with her aunt and having a ball. Take care and keep putting that foot in front of the other! Each day has it's own surprises.

Alerie said...

I know Kenize and Donette are up in heaven having so much fun together and watching over you!! How special for Makenzie to have your sister with her. You are in my thoughts and prayers today as always. Much love!!

p.s. loved the cigarette story. I am sure Donette didn't love it at the time, but I am sure she just laughs about it now. You were just a worried little sister that didn't want her sister to smoke. Too cute!!

Jenni said...

Wow, you have been through a lot Kendra! It makes me sad to read others comments about how well they know you and are thinking about your sister too. I didn't even know about your sister! I feel like I know you so well, and yet, I hardly know you at all. I do know that you're an amazing person, an incredible mom, and have one of the most caring hearts in the world! I really hope that I get to meet you someday. We'd be awesome friends. *Hugs!* :)

Em said...

Kendra,
I am so sorry about this other loss in your life, you have been through so much and yet are still so young. I am sure there is a lot 'we' don't know, but the strength you show inspires us all. My daughter and I sent balloons up for Kenzie and two other little Angels we love yesterday, and through tears I also smiled imagining them having a big ball pit of balloons up there to jump in together. Love and hugs, Em
PS. I can just imagine Kenzie so glad to have your sis to hold her and give her one of those hugs until she is in your arms again.

Mother 25 - 8 said...

Kendra, "knowing" you and getting to know you more and more and falling in love with Kenzie, all this has really and truly given me a new outlook on life. I don't know if you really grasp the influence you have on people. You make me remember to appreciate EVERYTHING in life, and take nothing for grantid. Reading your entries both warms my heart, tightens my chest, brings tears to my eyes, and leaves me walking away from my computer determinded to be a better mom. Heavenly Father is smiling down on you. And Kenzie is with Him, doing the same.

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