Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Tracker

Tracker,

Oh my sweet boy. I cant even begin to explain the incredible love I have for you. My heart is constantly bursting with so much joy. So much gratitude. So much love. I cant begin to find the words to express what you have done to me. I feel I am living a dream. Such a beautiful dream. A dream that I have ached for. A dream that always seemed so far off. A dream that didn't seem possible. You came true. You are here and you are real. I find myself watching you most of the day. I cant take my eyes off of you. I love laying next to you. Nose to nose. I love feeling your breath. I love watching you dream. I sit there and just pray God lets me keep you. I pray I never have to say goodbye. You are my buddy. You and I already have a very special relationship. You know me. I love that you need me. I love that when you are hurting or just upset I can calm you down. I love that you watch me. You don't like when I go out of your view. I love that you grab my face, my neck, my hair, my chest, my finger.
I find myself spending hours just soaking you up. Trying to memorize every inch of you. Every movement you make. Every sound that comes out of you. I kiss you over and over. I cant get enough.
Oh my little man- you will never understand the amount of healing you have done for me. You have filled so much of that hole that has been in my heart. You have given me life. Its like you woke me up and have showed me what it means to live again. To breathe. To open my eyes. I didn't realize how much I have been missing. I didn't realize how broken down I was.
Tracker you remind me so much of your sister. I have so much love for her and miss her so much. I never thought I could love like I love her. I never thought it was possible. and then you came. and from the second I held you that love was there. That incredible. That amazing. That unconditional. Love.
and since that moment it has only grown. We talk about sister all the time. Dad and I love watching you smile uncontrollably at her pictures. We love watching you dream of her. and it warms my heart that when I play her videos on my phone you instantly lay there and watch. You don't take your eyes off of her. My eyes shift from her video to you. and I have to pinch myself. Every time. Its still so unreal to have her and you. How did I get so lucky? and how did I get so lucky to share you with your Daddy? As much as I wish our life, our story, was a little different. That your sister was here. I have to remember I wouldn't realize how lucky I am and I wouldn't really be able to love this much if it wasn't for what she did. If it wasn't for losing her.
I hope you can always feel her. and know she is with you.
Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Thank you for allowing us to be your parents.
You are my world Tracker.
You are my reason for breathing. You are my reason for smiling. You are why I never gave up.
I never dreamed of having someone as incredible as you come into my life. 
I cant wait to share the rest of forever together.
To watch you grow. To help you learn to live.
I will be by your side every step of the way.
I love you to the moon.
Love Mum












































.Trackers Newborn pictures by Lou Lou Photography.

18 comments :

caitlin and brinton said...

Oh my goodness Kendra! He is amazing. I love all of the pictures. I love the ones with the picture of Makenzie in them too. I'm so happy he is here and I want to meet him!

Shanna said...

Oh my gosh Kendra he's so handsome! I love how the pictures turned out! He's already changed so much since then!

Cox Family said...

those are beyond adorable!! love the ones with Mackenzie's big pictures in the back round, beautiful!

Kennedy Klan said...

Oh Kendra, little Trackers pictures are so very cute!! I did get tears in my eyes when I seen Tracker holding Kenzie's necklace! So precious

Chantel said...

Darling!

rcbe1 said...

what sweet pictures. the last one is my absolute favorite! He is just yummy:)

crystal said...

Oh I love all of his pics but especially the ones of him and Kenzie! You have two beautiful children and I am so happy for you and Ryan :)

Ashley said...

He is beyond beautiful!!!!

Lisa F said...

These are WONDERFUL!
Give the little man a kiss from me. :)

Rafahi Family said...

Such great pics!

Alerie said...

These are all SO AMAZING!! He is one handsome little boy. Words can't even describe how much I love the ones with Makenzie. So precious and special!! You're children are beautiful and they are so lucky to have you and Ryan and each other always.

glenda said...

Beautiful!!!

Leslie Garbanati said...

You are one amazing Momma! Your boy is so perfect and your love for him is amazing. I love to hear that he has healed your heart. I remember that hole...and wondering if it would ever mend. When my little one left I never thought I would be the same. Then the next bundle arrived...and he didn't take her place, but truly healed my heart.
Thank you for sharing your pictures, your heart, your soul and your family.

Laura said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!! These pictures are beautiful!!! I got chills when I saw the pictures with his sister. God Bless you and your family!

Trinity said...

These are just adorable. They did a fabulous job. What a cutie patootie.

Andrea said...

I could have just kept scrolling!! Love the pictures....love your writing. Your children are gorgeous and I know they know how much they are loved!

Robin said...

I am so happy for you! Tracker is absolutely gorgeous! I knew God had big plans for you!
Praying for you always!

Linsey Jackson said...

Those pictures are incredible!!!! He is a beautiful baby. My little guy would not have anything to do with being any sort of curled up for his pictures. He was stretched completely straight out (even his toes) the whole time! I barely have any of him all cute and curled up like that. :) So funny how babies are different! Congrats.

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