Hospital Life

I loved our stay at the hospital.

Dr. Pepper on tap and endless lorna doone cookies. Hello. That's the life.

We were thinking we would only stay the minimum amount of time and get home as soon as possible.

I was so ready to get home with Makenize. The second they released me I was out of there.

This time. I was honestly so afraid to leave. As much as the Dr. P and cookies were a luxury. What I loved the most was having a nurse just a button away. I paged them several times with question after question because EVERYTHING was freaking me out with this little baby I was now responsible for. 

I went into this feeling rather confident but found out right away I felt like I knew nothing.

The first night we were there after I got done feeding him I went to the restroom and came back to Tracker choking. I quickly grabbed him but he couldn't catch a breath. 

Shear panic!

I paged the nurse and stood there patting his back trying everything to get him to just cough up whatever was there. 2 nurses came in and took him from me and calmly put him on her shoulder and patted his back until he got the bubble up. I completely fell apart. I was a bit hysterical. They both just stood there looking at me with a little worry and kept assuring me this was normal and he was fine.

They stayed with us for close to a half hour before they gave me back my baby and left.

I called Ryan immediately. He couldn't even understand what I was saying through my tears which freaked him out but after calming down a bit I explained everything that happened. He calmed me down but was on edge the rest of our stay.

After that I kept thinking--- I don't want to leave. I don't know what I am doing and I am not capable of taking care of this baby. BUT apparently you don't have the choice to move into the hospital so the next day I was kicked out. Thank God Ryan was here. He was such a huge support and always telling me how Tracker is fine and every little off thing he does is completely normal.

He has been so amazing.

During our stay, other than having some extreme fears about my abilities in motherhood, we were thrilled for the beautiful new beginning to our  life. A life we have wanted for so long. A life we prayed and begged for.

There was a lot of tears shed those 2 days.

It was a roller coaster of emotions but oh they were amazing days.

We couldn't stop taking his picture. We wanted to capture everything.

and that has not stopped.

We are always taking his picture or video.

He gets a little annoyed with it.

but he has to deal.

It will continue for the rest of his life.

Here are a few pictures from the hospital.

and then we were told to go home. 

and our role of parents officially began.