Saturday, September 8, 2012

39 Weeks.

How far along? 39 Weeks (tomorrow)
Clothes? As I put on a new outfit this week I thought to myself... "Hello .... piece of maternity wear- this is the last time I will wear you this pregnancy. I hope you don't bust a seem." then at the end of the day I say something like "thank you for covering this bod as best as possible. I looked ginormous today and got several stares wondering if I had a couple babies in here. we will be saying goodbye today so thanks for doing your job and I'm not sad to see you go"... Its been a good week clothing wise for that reason alone. Knowing I wont have to wear that item again for a long time... 
Best moment this week: Spending some quality time with my Ryan. Oh this week was sooo needed. Even though we have both been working and not seeing each other until late at night- we come home and don't waste a minute together. We are both so anxious, so excited, so scared. It seems like it should still be so far away. NOT TOMORROW.
Not so good moment of the week: I have really had a good week. I have been staying busy so every moment doesn't seem to drag. This is worse than any Christmas I have ever experienced. I wish my house was cleaner but I am more worried about getting some other things done and spending time with Ryan.
Miss Anything? I miss bladder control. That is going to be sooo amazing to get somewhat back. I wont know what to do with myself.
Movement: I have been meaning to document this for a while and always forget. I think its so funny but the last couple weeks/months Tracker has been pretty responsive to us. esp me. I have been able to find ways to make him move. Which has been a life savor every one of those moments I start to freak out thinking he hasn't moved in 10 minutes. He is a good boy and will do a little jab or kick to reassure me he is doing great. What gets him moving the most? Rubbing something across my belly. I know weird. I know you are going to think I'm crazy but its true. My hand usually doesn't work. It has to be my phone or a drink or my water or something other than my hand. I started realizing this when I would whip my phone on my belly to clear up the screen. You know what I mean. You do it to with your pants or something. Anyway- its the weirdest thing but it works every single time.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.
Gender: B-O-Y and if you haven't caught on... His name is Tracker Kent Webster.
That's right. Its completely official. I may or may not have tried to convince Ryan to think of another name especially in the last couple weeks but he is completely set on Tracker. Its been our thing from the beginning that Ryan gets to name this baby and I am so happy he took it so seriously. He has had the name picked out since the beginning and he hasn't even floated around another idea. Ill have to tell the story another day of how that name came about.
Symptoms: So the usual pains as every other week. The only thing new this week. I have been having these crazy sharp, intense pains that completely take my breath away but only last a second. They come one right after another but they don't last at all. I am guessing they are the start of contractions. I don't know. They freaking hurt though. They feel totally different than those braxton hicks. They all hurt but these ones are major pain.
Emotions: This week I have been on cloud nine. So happy to have Ryan home. So happy to be this close to meeting our son. I have had a few minor break downs missing Makenzie, remembering how my experience was with her at this state, fearing for labor and delivery, fearing for any problems that could arise, sad my Mom wont be here when he is born, excited to see him, excited Ryan is taking a couple days off after he gets here. I really have been just so thrilled the majority of this week. So overly thankful for everything God has given us and for this life. Thankful that we didn't give up when we lost Kenzie. Thankful she helped us through these last couple years and thankful to be so close to welcoming our SON tomorrow.
Looking forward to: His Life.


I guess this is the end of my weekly pregnancy updates. I honestly cant believe we are here. The end. This day seemed like it would never come. I never thought I would have another child. I never thought I would be pregnant. I never thought this pregnancy would end. I never thought we would be this close. Hours away from bringing another little one into the world. I am honestly overwhelmed with gratitude. How we were able to survive the death of our little girl. That we were able to keep going. That we didn't give up. That we stuck together. That we chose this option. How is this my life? Is it the life I dreamed? No. but that's whats great about life. If we are willing to give up on what we have planned for ourselves we might be able to welcome a whole different life that God has planned for us. and this life. Is amazing. I never in my wildest dreams could have ever imagined loving Ryan as much as I do. I never would have seen how incredibly blessed I am for this little boys life. To be here. Seeing what real pain is. and now seeing what incredible joy is. Wow. I have no words. 
I cant believe we are here. 
I have been dreaming of being a Mom.
I have been aching to hold my child in my arms.
I have been longing to have this life again.
and I will get all of that. I will get this opportunity again. and this time, even more than before
- I wont take it for granted.
We were so lucky to have the life we did with Makenzie. We are so thankful for everything she taught us and for the incredible love she showed us. Without her, we wouldn't be here today. We wouldn't understand life the way we do and we wouldn't be able to love this intently.
I cant wait for him.

11 comments :

Auntie EM said...

What a beautiful day it will be tomorrow. It will be so wonderful to see you and Ryan holding your little son. What a sight that will be. It puts a smile on my face just thinking about it. Happy happy Joy Joy!!! Love you. Aunt Mary

crystal said...

So excited for you!!! Praying for for a healthy, safe, and easy delivery. Can't wait to see pictures of your new little bundle of joy!!!

Serena said...

Kendra,
You have such a beautiful spirit and a wonderful outlook on life. I pray all goes well with Tracker's birth and know that he will be one loved little boy. And that his big sister will be his guardian angel watching over him always. I love that saying about how if we are willing to let go of the life we have planned for ourselves we might find the one God planned for us. God bless you, Ryan, and Tracker.

Serena said...

Kendra,
You have such a beautiful spirit and a wonderful outlook on life. I pray all goes well with Tracker's birth and know that he will be one loved little boy. And that his big sister will be his guardian angel watching over him always. I love that saying about how if we are willing to let go of the life we have planned for ourselves we might find the one God planned for us. God bless you, Ryan, and Tracker.

Mari said...

CanNOT wait!!! Soooooo excited for you all!!!
Can't wait to see photos of your Tracker Kent!!<3

Ashley said...

Good luck Mama!!! Can't wait to hear all about Tracker's grand appearance into the world!

KW said...

Good luck and best wishes to you. What an exciting time. He will be your very loved rainbow baby!

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Juli McDermott said...

so so so excited for you! makenzie finally getting to be a big sister! sending lots of love tomorrow!

Alerie said...

I just wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers all day. I'm so happy for you, Ryan and Makenzie. Can't wait to meet little Tracker!! Ps - I love his name

Ginger said...

Praying for you, Ryan and little Tracker! Hoping for a safe delivery and healthy Mommy & baby.

Rafahi Family said...

I am so excited for you and Ryan! And I cannot wait to see the first photos of Tracker!!! Good luck with the birth Kendra!

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