Monday, June 11, 2012
Maternity clothes? Yes but my favorite piece is leggings and they are not maternity.
Best moment this week: Our weekend getaway with the family and hearing Ryan's dreams about this baby. I find it so strange that I am 26 weeks pregnant and have yet to dream of him. Not even 1 little dream. but not Ryan. The roles have switched. Although the other day he dreamed about him being born the size of a 2 year old with creepy teeth and some hell-ian child.
Not so good moment of the week: Starting to doubt the name for this baby. Ryan is making his name to hang on his wall and I was getting the measurements and everything for it when I started having a panic attack. I hear that name and picture him. but all the sudden it sounds weird when I say it. It just doesn't sound right. I had the same issue with Makenzie and what kind of fixed that was changing the spelling. We were originally going to spell her name Mckenzie. and we even did some things with that name to put in her room but literally a couple weeks before she was born we changed it. Mckenzie was not her name. Even though we just changed the spelling it changed how I felt about her name completely. The only thing about this baby's name is we really cant change the spelling or it will change his name. It will spell a different word and we will be calling him something different than that word and I don't like that. So right now we are both freaking out a little. Ryan is not even interested in floating around other ideas. T.... is his sons name. I have no other names I even like and I have been through my 100,000 baby name book a few times and nothing else is even an option.
Miss Anything? Sleep.
Movement: All the time. He is so active and I love it but honestly it hurts. His movements have been feeling more like he is physically assaulting me more than him moving around. and he particularly loves my bladder It must be rather squishy and he uses it as some kind of toy.
I have to note on Saturday I started getting really freaked out because I didn't feel him move all day. I cried several times throughout the day and finally told Ryan. I didn't want to say anything because I felt like I was being a bit dramatic but I was seriously freaking out. I kept thinking about what we would do if something happened to this baby. I drank a ton of water and took a hot shower before bed and finally about an hour after I laid down he started going crazy. I cant even say how much of relief that was. and since then he is all over the place. I kept telling him on Saturday that I will never care how much he moves or hurts me ever again as long as he just moves now. and its true. I will be even that much more grateful for every little movement he makes because it reminds me he is okay.
Food Cravings: Snow cones.
Anything making you queasy or sick: I haven't been sick but all the sudden I am extremely picky about food. If it even has a hint of smell that I don't like I cant eat it. I don't get sick I just cant eat it. The past week I have spent far to long just staring at things in my cupboards and fridge and I cant bring myself to eating any of it. The only thing I could eat all the time is snow cones.
Symptoms: Back is hurting again, contractions, little energy, super emotional and quite uncomfortable sleeping.
Emotions: Very emotional. I cried watching Will and Grace a few days ago. at a part that was not sad. I have been having some serious anxiety about this baby and if he will be okay. I feel like I'm back to those earlier stages of not even being able think of a life with him. It just seems impossible. but then it also seems impossible that God would take him from me. Its all very confusing.
Looking forward to: Snow cones, Fathers day next week, play dates with some friends, cabin trip planned and swimming.
Lived By Ryan.Kendra.Makenzie.Tracker at 6/11/2012 02:56:00 PM