Monday, August 1, 2011

not again

maybe this is happening again...
but
it wont get me again...
i need to stay strong, i need to breathe, i need to grow and i need to pray.
pray that God will hold me.
have faith that this is all worth it.
hope that in the end- my wishes will come true.

i hope i can see good again. i hope i can smile again. i hope i can have hope again.
and i hope more than all of that, my ryan will have all of that again.

ill sit up, take a shower, do my hair (maybe), put on makeup (maybe), make dinner, clean my house (mostly), greet my husband by the door when he gets home, kiss him, tell him i love him...
and pray i can do this again tomorrow.

8 comments :

Grandma Honey said...

My heart hurts for you. I wish I could take away even a little bit of your pain. I am so so sorry.

Presley & Charlotte Gleason said...

One day at a time Kendra. Make that your goal. 1 day. Tomorrow is a new one. You can do this. Hang in there. Cry when you need to. Scream when you need to. Then get back up and try again. My life motto is, "Fake it til you make it" Somedays I make it. Somedays not so much and its all the faking. Somehow, someday the days where you have to fake it become fewer and further between. Ryan sounds like an amazing guy-and you are an incredible girl.

Anonymous said...

One minute at a time if you need to. Let each breath you take refuel your body, revitalize your soul giving you the strength to put one foot in front of the other, if not for yourself, then for your beautiful baby girl, who's life begin with you and who's life remains alive through you. You are loved and supported by family and friends, you are loved and looked after from an angel above. You are stronger than you know. I pray on these days you feel the power of our prayers, sent to you from far and wide.
(Amber, California)

Anonymous said...

I know when things got hard (and they still do)for me, I smile even when my heart was broken. I told my friends and family that I was a good actress. I cried today at work for you....I love you guys so much. BUT....I told the person who came to my office that it was my allergies. Silly me....it was Kenzie, it was you, it was Ryan, it was my sister, my family, not my allergies. It will somehow work out, honey. I don't know how and I can't begin to imagine how you feel but I know it will be ok someday. I will continue to hope and pray for you. Auntie M

Anonymous said...

kendra, you and ryan are in my heart.
-Aubrey

Tara said...

Can do nothing but fall to my knees and pray for you. We love you and you are never far from our thoughts and always in our hearts.

Katie Danner said...

Awww, everything will be ok Kendra. You are a beautiful woman of Light. Life can be hard for everyone sometimes as we all fight our battles. But everything will one day look bright again, because as the old most known quote fromthe Bible says, "This too shall pass." Life is ever changing, and ever flownig and progressing- that is what's beautiful. :) Talk to me anytime you want.

Katie Danner said...

Ps. I have a personal question for you and I hope it's ok to ask, I really don't know anything about your situation- so please forgive me if I am in the wrong asking, but have you decided to not have more children? Or is the risk too high that you are not wanting to do that again? I would hope you could, because I know what an amazing mother you are, I would hope you could one day have another beautiful little spirit come into your life. My prayers are with you. <3

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