The next step

We are starting the process to expand our family.

I cant believe we are doing this.

Its feels so right.

Since we have a 1 in 4 chance of having any other child have the horrible disease SMARD we have come to know its not a possibility to just -get pregnant- 

The chances are too great and this disease is too horrible.  We don't believe that is the way God wants us to have other children.  We believe he has another plan and there is someone out there waiting for us. 

I know this is not going to be a easy, simple or a quick process.  This is going to take much time, money, effort, patience and determination.  We are ready.  We are ready to find Makenzies little brother or sister.

Our first initial meeting/evaluation will be this coming Monday.  Wish us luck. We are so anxious and honestly cant wait.  After Makenzie passed away I didn't have a single ounce of desire to have another child.  I thought maybe in 5 years- after school- we would think about expanding our family. 

Not now. Not anytime soon.

Would you believe it wasn't even me who had the first impression we should try sooner?

Would you believe it was Ryan?

Its true.

It was around Christmas this last year that Ryan came to me and said... We are not suppose to wait. We are suppose to start trying. Trying to expand our family now.  It took a few weeks for me to warm up to the idea. It scared me. I couldn't even breath thinking of having another child. Someone else in Makenzies room was not an option.  I told Ryan they wouldn't sleep in her bed, wear her clothes or even go in her room.  He soon convinced me that was rather irrational.  What would we put the new baby in the basement? Sounded good to me.  They were not nor would they ever be Makenzie.. so, sorry! Over time and after some of the recent things that have happened I realized the next child to come into our lives would be just as loved, just as wanted and just as important as Makenzie.  We would love them just as much and in such a different way. Such a beautiful new way. We have been through a completely different life since Makenzie came into our lives.  If/When we are lucky enough to have another child bless our lives- they will be Makenzies sibling and they would be meant for us just like Makenzie.  Silly it took me so long to realize this.  We have prayed. Prayed so very hard. We know this is what we need to do.  We know there is someone out there that needs us.  I cant wait to love them. 

Ryan and I will be different parents to this child.

How could we not.  We have learned to love in a whole new way.  We have learned how precious every single moment is.  We have learned what being a parent really means. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure the stress, overwhelming, lazy, frustrated days will come but I also know those 'never take a moment for granted' will come even more. Because we know. We know what it means to lose it all. 

I am so lucky to have Ryan as my partner. The one who will be walking this road with me.

He has taught me so much about myself, about love, about life and about our future.

We are a team. We are doing this together.

This is a little off topic but want to see something kinda freaky?

Harley loves hanging her head out the window... I mean who doesn't!

Well we were driving on the freeway the other day and check this out. HA! Look at her eyes. Her mouth. Everything was flying away! We couldn't stop laughing.

We decided it was time to head up to this girl and talk about all our new adventures.

We cleaned up the stone. Its been looking rather grungy.  WD40 is amazing. 

We told Makenzie all about how she is going to be a big sister someday. We brought her books and even a blanket talking about what it means to be a big sister :)

Okay maybe we went a little over board. She already knows after all. She already knows who will be coming into our home for heaven sakes.

I hope she is excited.

We assured her- no matter who, when or where this next child comes from- they will never ever replace her. They will always know of their big sister and they will just add to this family. I don't ever want anyone to ever think they are replacing her.  Since Makenzie passed away we get those comments. There is never "just have another child". There is nothing that will take away the missing link in our family. That link is and forever will be Makenzie. She will forever be missed, loved and counted.

Harley agrees!

From here on out Ill keep you posted. 

I'm anxious to see our next steps. What we need to do. How this all works and what will be our plan.

I'm sure this will be a long journey but I just pray God hears us and knows our hearts.

I cant say enough--- I cant wait to love another child. We cant wait to be a Mom and Dad again.