I still am not quite sure. Maybe because a year seems so final- so ending. A close to something.
It wasn't until the beginning of this month where I really thought what we would do.
I am still not sure what happened but it seemed like over night that I woke up and couldn't shake this feeling that December 13th was so not about my last day with her. It was not about the end. It was not about the death.
December 13th in our house was a day of an amazing life. A new beginning. Our incredible little girl was brought back home. She was escorted by angels back to her Heavenly Father. She was given back the freedom she lost here on earth. December 13th doesn't mean an ending- it means a whole new beginning...
And with that- I wasn't going to let that day be a sad- stay in bed- cry until my eyes fall out- kind of day.
Over the past year one of my biggest fears has been thinking that the world will be forgetting or never knowing who Makenzie is.
The impact she made on my life isn't going to be that big for most.
Admitting to myself that her story has a beginning and an end. I can tell her story to the world but there will be no more chapters. She came, here she returned home.
As I thought of this fear I had for my baby, I couldn't help but think about other little ones who have returned home. I have thought about their Mothers. I have wondered if they have the same fear as me.
As I thought of what to do for this mark I knew I needed to include those other angels.
So - I wrote a list...
And we made sure everyone of those other angels that we "knew" would know they are not forgotten.
At 4:00 on December 12 we released 148 balloons to celebrate 148 of the most amazing days.
148 days that change my life.
148 days that changed the world.
and on those 148 balloons, we wrote the name of an angel child.
Then we kissed Them
Prayed for ALL of those names
and sent them off to heaven.
Brigham Var Selle
Landon & Luke
+ about 15 other names on a list that is currently MIA (so sorry)
To all of you little ones - You will NEVER be forgotten.
Now all of you,
go run - laugh - dance - play - and breathe in paradise.