10 Months

Hi Baby,
I'm very late. I should have written this to you weeks ago. Just haven't been able to do it. You turned 10 months on May 18th. I cant believe it. I bought a 2010 calendar while I was on maternity leave and filled out every 18th. I also filled out things like goals and milestones I predicted you would hit through the year. I see them everyday. I think about that time. Our time. Those few months you were mine, all day, all night. I miss them. We had a great time didn't we? We had our favorite shows to watch every morning- of course Regis and Kelly, GTU and The View. We would do our exercises on the floor together. Well you would last only a few seconds on your tummy before I would give in and turn you over or let you join into my workouts. You would lay on my legs while I moved them up and down. You would lay next to me while I did sit ups. Lets be honest- you never could see a difference, probably because it was more play time than workout time. We would jog every morning. You, me and Harley. It was peaceful to go early- before the heat. We kept the same routine. I haven't walked it since. It wont be the same without you. I would always get you dressed first thing. Mainly because I loved dressing you and couldn't wait to pick out what adorable (non funtion-able) outfit you would wear today. You always looked fabulous. I promise. People ask how I painted your teeny tiny toes- I tell them, she wanted to be beautiful from top to bottom so she layed there without moving while I painted them. It was you that wanted to look beautiful. I promise- you didn't have to even try. you are unbelievably beautiful. I wish I would have taken you more places. I wish I would have showed you the world. There is so much to see. Although- my favorite moments was anytime I was alone with you. Looking at you, holding you, loving you. I cant begin to tell you how much I love you. You are my world little girl. You are so amazing. I knew that from the beginning.
While I was pregnant I was terrified of getting stretch marks. I used all different kinds of coco butter, oils, etc. WELL none of them worked. I got these horrible ugly stretch marks. At the time, I was devastated. I thought I would just die. (oh how silly those worries are now)
Every morning I see them now, they make me smile. I am proud of them. They are my scares. They are the physical proof I carried you for 9ish months and its the proof you are real. I wouldn't wish them away. Although they are not the most attractive thing you will see and you better believe I wont be sporting any string bikinis, I still love them. I hold them. I trace them. Because they are you. They are a part of our miracle. Thank you for giving them to me. Thank you for giving me you. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I love you. To the moon and back. Last night I held your little hand molds that I have. I love them because they have every detail of your sweet fingers. I loved your fingers. I loved your tiny nails. Everything was perfection. You are my angel. Please give Daddy loves. He needs you now. Give him strength. We are trying to keep moving. We are doing it together, some days, most days, are just so hard. We need you. Keep smiling, keep laughing, keep farting. We are missing you. Everyday.
Happy 10.5 month birthday!
Hugs and Kisses.
Love Mom