I started scrap booking Makenzies life when she was about a month old. We would go into the basement where my desk was and I would do page after page with her either napping in the big blue love sac next to me or in my arms (that was tricky). I loved having her with me. I never had her nap in her crib. I just wanted her near me all the time. We had our usual shows we would watch, FRIENDS... But one day I decided we would start into my Disney collection I had started for when Kenzie was older. We watched Hunchback of Notre Dame. I remember it so clearly. I remember every song with her. This movie? I don't know. Maybe just because it was the first kid movie we watched. I didn't scrapbook through the whole thing. Then we watched it again the next day.
Tonight I'm sitting here watching it with the midget. Only thinking about... I pray so much she is happy. I feel I'm missing her even more than ever, if that's even possible. I am missing my memories. My perfect memories of every little detail. I want those details back.
Life lately... Has been... Hard
Those irrational prayers asking God to give her back... They are back...
No matter how much my brain knows that wont happen, my heart still has not accepted that completely.