Thursday, May 14, 2009

30 weeks + Anxiety

Your baby rivals a good-size cabbage in weight, tipping the scales this week at 3 pounds. (Length: about 15 3/4 inches, head to heel.)

Its all down hill from here. I am in my 30th week and getting bigger by the minute.
This little girl has been very active most days. Her favorite spot to be is in my ribs on the right side. Since the first time I felt her move she loves that spot for some reason.
My anxiety has really kicked into high gear lately. I have so many fears thinking about Baby GIRL being here. I never thought I would feel like this when I had my own baby. I thought this would be a walk in the park- I have helped take care of Devlin and Teagan but in reality its NOT the same and I'm very quickly realizing it. This little girls hopes, fears, dreams and life are all on Ryan and I. What she learns or doesn't learn is because of us. I keep having these horrible dreams that she wont eat or I simply forget to feed her. **What is that about?**
I have been reading pregnancy and child books like crazy - Learning all the different techniques to calm a crying baby, feed a screamer and make sure all harmful objects are always put away :)
I feel like these books make sense but what if I forget everything or what if my child is "one of those" and no matter what I do she wont listen to me and she ends up robbing the corner mart at the age of 5?
While I sit here and think of all ways to prevent killing my child (like making sure I don't forget to feed her)
I worry about my other half- My Ryan... I worry if I will be able to be a good wife to him after she is here. As of right now I am having more days than not where I'm so sleepy- or just lazy- and don't do the things I used to do for him. Of course he says he doesn't mind and helps me but I worry its really effecting him. I worry that ill be an even more crazy nut once there is a baby thrown into the mix. I worry I cant do it all and that ill fail.
Last night I got up (because I couldn't breath laying down) and sat in my kitchen for quite a while thinking about the next few weeks and that we only have 10 (ish) weeks until this amazing little girl will be in our home. As I have now fallen in love with this nut ball rolling around in my tummy- I'm scared to death to not be a good enough Mom for her and a good enough wife for my husband.
** I also think I should get off this Debbie downer thing and just think about the amazing little person that I'm sure wont be "that kid" and will bless our lives more than we could imagine.
Can anyone relate?

4 comments :

Alana said...

You just do the best you can. No child rearing book in the world is as good as motherly instincts. You will be a great mom and Ryan will be a great dad. I always had really weird dreams when I was pregnant too. I wouldn't worry too much about them, they will go away and you won't forget to feed your baby. Love ya ~A

The Pachuilo Family said...

Kendra you will be a great MOM! I think everyone goes through that, we all want to be the best moms and give our child everything. But just remember that to your little girl, you will always be the BEST Mom in her eyes.
Good Luck with the next 10 weeks, you'll only get bigger and more uncomfortable, but once she is here and you are holding her in your arms, you will forget it all.

Stephan & Michelle said...

Kendra,

I havent seen you in years. But from my memory you were a amazing smart, beautiful woman! And still are as far as I see. And I can tell that your little girl will be just like her mommy! She will look at you even on days when you hair is a mess, and no make-up and tell you that you are a pretty mommy, and she loves you! A great mom is someone like you who always trys their hardest! Which I know you will! :)

Jared and Laura said...

I'm sure you're going to be a great mother! I can't believe you only have 10 weeks left, good luck with everything!

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